In therapy last week my therapist had a, “come to Jesus” talk with me, funny only because he’s Jewish! 😜😂
He basically told me he’s done placating my fragile mood and ethically needs to challenge me to address my current significant stressors, as my pattern is to avoid them until they become a crisis. He also called me out on not accepting responsibility for my own life and the need for me to take charge and make my own decisions in my life. When I told him I was taking his direction personally he said very, very firmly, “you need to get a handle on that and learn to differentiate between when someone is frustrated with your actions, or lack therefore, and them not liking you as a person or caring for you any less than they do”. All of to which I had no reply to him. I sat in silence, scared to say one word to him. Everything he said is absolutely true but I feel as if I’m a really difficult patient and he’s had it with me. I also feel like I’m now scared to talk to him and I don’t want to.
Long story short I have a phone session with him today. Knowing this, my anxiety went through the roof last night and I haven’t slept for even 5 minutes. ALL I want to do is cancel my appointment with him!! I don’t know what to do.....!! Help?!
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PackerGirl
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Sounds like decent advice. No judgement. Did you consider asking for process steps to help yourself become more accountable?
I'm working through my own recently acknowledged low self-esteem which presents itself as self-hate, anger/temper flares and even depression stints.
For me getting out of my rut requires moving my body more than my mind. Hang in there and thanks for being brave enough to share. ❤
Well hes not going to help you by berating you. That is really strange he would give you the jesus talk and he doesnt even follow jesus. Sounds like hes got his own psychological issues. Therapy never really did anything but stress me out more. Sertraline/thyroid medication helped me a lot, along with changing my diet.
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I really hope this comes out right, and no offense to packergirl by saying this. If he is talking to her about these things could it be that maybe she felt attacked because of her sensitive nature? I mean we weren't there and I'm not defending either one. I just think he might be trying to nudge her more in a direction that will help to develope a more self awareness viewpoint and be in better control of herself as far as allowing things to affect her mood. But I respect your opinion slushy 🙂
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No I understand you, but i think packergirl is smart enough to understand that she needs to take control of her life. We all know the anxiety/depression can make it almost impossible for you to do that. At least that was the case for me. I just dont think confrontation is going to solve the problem. Maybe hes just trying every different strategy he can think of. It could work, but I know it wouldnt have worked in my case. So I guess I meant to say that's it's okay to be frustrated and that may not be the right strategy for her. It could be though.
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His tactic is definitely one I haven't heard of I will say that. But I'm curious to see if it truly will help her. Every professional I've talked to always tried to medicate or just ask me a ton of questions to get me to some type of resolution. And I completely agree that depression and anxiety can make getting these things under control extremely difficult. Either way I wish I could find someone that blunt in my life to help when I needed it.
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I can yell at you if you want lol😂
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I would love nothing more than that, I feel so honored that you offered this!! 😂😂
I too now think he’s just trying different strategies but this one is not working!! I’m frustrated, he’s frustrated. I’ll just be open to whatever comes up in session today but I’m still nervous as hell!!!!! 😜
sorry this guys putting the religious angle on you that's not his job I'm sorry but I would have left when he started his crap religion thing that's got nothing to do with how you feel! Him saying he's done placating you tell him we're to get off and find a better therapist rant over take care and get well soon david
I wouldn't take what he said as an attack to make you feel this way. It seems like he is pushing you to rely more on yourself as far as allowing others to affect your mood, and also being responsible for the actions you choose to take. So that being said he sounds like a darn good therapist to me. I wouldn't cancel, I would allow yourself to be open to what he is trying to get across. As an anxiety sufferer I would take everything so personally, and still do some days. But I have also gotten to a point where I've realized that people can suck especially ones that don't know you, or what's going on in your life. So I have adopted the I'm over it, and don't care attitude which has brought me so much peace because I no longer worry if I piss someone off. Not saying this is the best approach. But I honestly think he's trying to help. He's being honest with you from his professional standpoint. I'd love to have a therapist like that 😂 if you decide to keep the appointment please let me know how it goes!!
Will do!! Thanks so much for your reply, it resonates with me and I think you’re right. He is a good therapist and is a good man. I just need to deal with his drawing limits and setting expectations, I need help in these areas - I need to trust him to guide me. Thank you!!
Just to be clear the “come to Jesus” reference is just a phrase that Catholics sometimes use. I’m Catholic, he’s Jewish but we never talk about God or religion unless we’re wishing the other a happy holiday. He wasn’t preaching to me, he was “calling me out on my shit” ie holding me accountable for my actions. He’s actually a very kind man who is caring and has been quite helpful to me in the past. I just can’t handle the feeling of “being yelled at” . Hope that makes more sense!!
I’m really sorry that he’s spoken to you and treated you like that, it seems as though he’s overstepped his professional line. It’s not his job to talk to you and religion. It sounds like you need a new therapist! Speaking of religion, I wouldn’t take his opinion as bible either. He doesn’t sound like a bad person but you should never feel under pressure from him
If I was you, I would request to get another therapist, he's being way to harass with you which no therapist should be. Just tell him that you don't feel comfortable talking to him and if he gets mad then report him. No one should ever feel uncomfortable to talk to a therapist about whats going on. Maybe he has different ways to help clients but hes harass about things.
So did you cancel or did you decide to keep the appointment?!
I kept the appointment. It was via the phone and was clearly uncomfortable but I didn’t run away from him or the session. He knew I was upset from the get go and asked me about how I was feeling, etc but I didn’t address it all with him. Once I heard his voice I actually felt mad so I’ll need to work that through. Live and learn seems to be my life right now ...
Well maybe that is a good topic to bring up to him. That will allow you to alleviate the feelings you're having, and rid you of some of the anxiety you might feel about the situation. I'm glad you're trying to work through all this
I hope this is working out, packergirl (As in Green Bay?) You said you were Catholic, so here goes. The idea of separating your shortcomings from your worthiness of love is a very Christian thing. You are made in God’s image. God sent Jesus His Son to rescue you, before you ever had a chance to do anything good or bad! He calls us to follow, not just sit there, and He promises us He will always be with us, and His Spirit will indwell us, and He knows it’s a tough walk. Check out Mental Health Grace Alliance for some good resources on faith and mental health. No miracle cures, just wisdom from both sources. I always associated the phrase “Come To Jesus” with the altar call at a gospel revival meeting. “Here’s the truth, repent and believe—or else!” It took a while to believe that God actually loved me, not that he saved me but was still pretty grumpy about it. To all of you scarred by bad religion, and projecting, I’m so sorry! We’ve screwed up, again. What else is new? But God doesn’t give up easily. That’s the whole Bible. Grace and peace!
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