Not sure where else to turn

[heartofgold_]

After losing both jobs cause of cover and recently leaving a part time job cause of panic attacks im at a loss of what to do now. I live 45 min away from most my family and friends and just really feel lonely. Even when I have a job interview I made up an excuse on why I couldn't attend and didn't go (this past week). Im not sure what the next steps I need to take so im really asking for some sage advise, cause idk where else to turn right now.

[Sprinkle1]

Sorry you are knee deep in these problems. Have you talked to your Dr. you may need some med's to get you thru this. Or can you talk with a therapist? Loneliness is awful and brings us down. Can you keep busy with fun things to keep your hands and mind busy? Can you do jigsaws, crosswords, coloring books, go for a walk in nature if you can it will help. Talk to your family on the phone or computer. Read some good books, if your library is open, one time when I was down with depression, I read biography's they took me to a different world. Do not watch the news, or read the paper, all downers, eat healthy, stay away from sugar and junk food they can bring us down, as with sugar laden soda's.....Know there is light at the end of the tunnel, all things end, we just have to use our patience. Be kind to yourself, love yourself, accept who you are a special person with talents and gifts of your own. Respect yourself, you are down right now, but you will come up, life is a bit like a wheel, when we are at the top we love it, when we are at the bottom it can be difficult, but you will make it back up, believe in yourself, you have strength. Ask your family for support or do you have a good friend you can talk to? I am by myself, my friend died last Aug, my nearest family is 3000 miles away, I am 78 and a little nervous about the virus. Other than that I do not live with fear, I worry about nothing, I live in the moment, that is all we have. I have a wonderful therapist and she helps me when I get stuck. Please do not give up, all things change. I send you love, hugs and peace, write to us we offer support and love.......

[heartofgold_ in reply to Sprinkle1]

Thank you so much for you're kind words, I recently was put on an anxiety med a few weeks back after my panic attacks and they help but when im by myself in my apt down in the city it can get very lonely. Its been something I've been struggling with since I was a kid but It really reared its ugly head the last few months and its hard to get up in the morning sometime. I think a lot of it has to do with the job search and all the stuff that follows it but being on my own for so long really is taking its toll. Both my mother and father are no longer apart of my life so its really just extended family I have now. Im only 29 but I feel like its harder and harder to keep a strong face and keep going. Id like to talk to a therapist but since I have no jobs and no health insurance im a little hesitant to keep making appts that I will have to pay out of pocket. Thank you again for the kind, uplifting words.

[Wattsmind in reply to heartofgold_]

I just resonated with a lot of what you just said... I’ve felt that loneliness since childhood. It seems like we’ve been wanting that love&support since such a young age, and the love&support of others don’t seem to fill that gaping hole in the pit of your stomach. I may not know why your parents are no longer in your life, but I do know how the effected it has on everyday life and the things you do. Know that whatever you do is for yourself, and the overwhelming thoughts of “is it even worth it?” and “I can’t do this anymore” is fear and exhaustion. Our brains are naturally wired to turn to the fight or flight instinct when dealt with stressful situations. Choose fight. We may not know why we are on this earth or why (maybe you do if you’re religious), but it’s true that life brings wonderful feelings and memories. Take this day by day. Every little thing you do right now is a triumph. Getting out of bed, eating, showering, reading a book, taking a walk... those are all things to appreciate now. Give yourself the space now, so you can eventually you’ll be able to tackle these bigger obstacles.

[heartofgold_ in reply to Wattsmind]

you hit the nail on the head with the line "It seems like we’ve been wanting that love&support since such a young age, and the love&support of others don’t seem to fill that gaping hole in the pit of your stomach". Not to get too deep into it but my mother left me with my abusive drug addict father at the age of 8, she's gone on to have 4 more kids and never speaks to me. As for my father I decided around when I was 18 that enough was enough and haven't spoken to him since. My grandfather that looked after me like a father died my senior year of high school and ive felt really empty ever since. I pulled my bootstraps up for the past 10 years but its all come to ahead the last 4 months and its been very hard on a daily basis since being out of work and I have too much time to think. thank you so much for your kind words of encouragement, its nice to know that others are out there and what to help.

[Ilovepugs123]

Its not just you thats going through this too, I been scared to go out and even get a job. What you can do is try finding a job or maybe think about doing a online job till the meantime, we don't know when the pandemic is going away so try your best to not get scared much or worry. I know its lonely and its scary. I highly recommend getting a therapist they can help you with everything thats going on. If you miss your friends and family highly recommend video chatting with them or calling theming to see how they are doing, It might not be the same as in person but hopefully that will help you with not feeling lonely.

[heartofgold_ in reply to Ilovepugs123]

I understand its not just me going though it, covid has messed up ALOT of people. I had an interview later this week but I canceled cause my anxiety was getting so worked up thinking about it I had a panic attack and called it off....I have enough saving ill be fine financially for a few months without a job but I don't wanna keep getting in my own way. I made more strides to go see friends and family more but I can't see them all the time (were all adult now so times limited) and its great I feel good when im around them but being in my apt alone most of the week gets me thinking way too much and I get worked up by an over pour of thoughts racing though my mind.

[Ilovepugs123 in reply to heartofgold_]

Covid has messed me up too, My Anxiety is bad too. I had an interview to not that long ago and I kept telling the person I didn't know if I wanted to come in because I didn't want to get sick and denied my interview, Everybody is scared right now. I know I am and my Anxiety is high but I am in therapy and it helps a lot. I know people have there own lifes but doesn't mean you can still check up on them, Right now people need to be more checked up on because of covid. Honestly just Video chat with them and ask them how they are doing they will like that because during this time we need people in our lifes and we need to check up on each other so don't think that because you guys are adults doesnt mean you guys can't still talk and all that. Try your best not to not overthink we can only do as much as we can right now because of Covid. I know it must be lonely and I am so sorry you live in your apt alone but it does get better just try your best to stay postive and go with the days and don't watch anything or read the news that will trigger your anxiety, If I was you i would just focus on things you can do around your apt maybe you have stuff to clean or maybe you have things to give away in the future.