Fleeting suicidal thought

[Dontstopbelieven]

I’m in my 50’s and suffered my 3rd major breakdown about 6 months ago with extreme suicidal thoughts, depression and anxiety. I went through extensive therapy which helped tremendously and seemed to be much better.

I’ve had a difficult couple of weeks, death in family, another family member with colon cancer, child going away to college, stress at work just to name the big stressors.

Anyways, after the funeral I traveled out of state to help care for the cancer family member. This brought me to the neighborhood I grew up in. As I was driving I had this thought out of nowhere: “Why not drive by my old high school, I could commit suicide in the parking lot”. I didn’t have a plan, just a fleeting thought. But it scared me just the same. Needless to say I drove in the opposite direction.

6 months ago I thought about it often and had a very detailed plan, but never made an attempt. Now just surprised by how quickly the thought came to mind and wondering if others experienced this also.

No rhyme or reason for the high school connection. I had a fairly good high school years with untreated dysthymia (low grade depression). My 1st major depression didn’t occur until my 30’s and the 2nd about 10 years ago. Both of these were the immediate result of traumatic life events.

However, my 3rd major depression seemed to come out of nowhere for no apparent reason other than negative self worth. My therapist tells me there is a switch in my brain that has flipped so many times it is now broken and flips for no reason. SCARRY

[Mary-intussuception]

I don't agree with your therapist. We have to dismiss negative thoughts and make a conscious effort to think positive and remind ourselves of the truth - Life is precious.

You are Precious. ❤️

Whenever negative thoughts attack it helps to call to mind that we are precious and loved, past mistakes are forgiven and life is for living. We are needed in this world.

Thinking of things we are thankful for can help.

Our feelings & the negative thoughts that attack aren't a reflection of the truth, I think it helps to acknowledge them for what they are - just an attack whilst low. So fighting back with positive thoughts, thanksgiving and praise for all that's good can see these thoughts off.

[Dontstopbelieven]

Thank you for your very kind reply! I’m struggling with the thought that life is just passing me by.

[Mary-intussuception in reply to Dontstopbelieven]

Don't you think most of us get that thought at times?

Look at what you've achieved - you have an intelligent child, you have a job, are also a carer . . . . .

Look at what you've been through these past couple of weeks. You must be grief stricken following your bereavement . You're helping your cancer stricken relative . And you're approaching a time of change at home - with your child going away to college. You could do without stress at work on top of all this !

Is there no one at work you can talk to? Your employer has a duty of care to his/her employees.

Is there any possibility you could take a week or two's leave?

Spend some quality time with your family and get some rest? As you must be mentally and physically exhausted.

Would you like to talk about what's happening at work?

By the way,

Sorry for your Loss

(meant to say that in my first reply).

xXx