Does anyone else have the experience of an anvil hanging by a cartoon thread (with strands popping here and there) almost all of the time? I feel as if there is one and I can remember it being there since I was an infant. I went through a tracheotomy at 9 months and was barely revived. This has colored my entire life's experience (65). The only relief I seem to get is when I'm making music or listening to what I've just done. Even that turns against me, though, because it's really hard to really hear your own music. So, most of the time I think what I've done is really drab and uninteresting. But the anvil...it seems to have an unlimited number of threads holding it up going "boink!...boink!.." (I don't hear that, btw). Can anyone else relate?
Like an anvil hanging over my head by... - Anxiety and Depre...
Like an anvil hanging over my head by a cartoon thread
Sure, I think there are many people here who feel "under the hammer" all the time.
What has your life been like?
It has been mostly scared and anxious, though I have had some happy turns. Much of my nurturing came from my best friend's family, much to the chagrin of my birth parents. I have also led a very isolated life filled with fear and dread. I'm seeing a counselor and am getting medication management at Ambitions of Idaho. The meds are working as good as they ever have, especially Hydroxizine (sp?) for the anxiety!
There's quite a bit you can do to help yourself manage. What have you tried?
The usuals: medication for about 35 years during which time I've had just about all of the usual meds for depression and related issues, meditation on and off for about 50 years (mostly off), talk therapy to go with the meds and some group therapy. Other suggestions?
The top 3 would be:
1. Diet - eating well makes sure you get all the right nutrients to produce the right proteins and hormones for a balanced brain chemistry.
2. Exercise - even light exercise releases a lot of feel good hormones.
3. Charity work - helping others is a great way to get outside of your mind, boost your self-confidence and have a more balanced view of life.
Right on, thank you! I needed these as reminders.
I forgot all about this until I read your post: from a very young age ( 4-5?) I had an image in my mind of anvil sliding down a long thin piece of thread. There was no logic in how this was possible. I was well aware that the thread should have snapped long ago but somehow the weight of the anvil was supported by the thread.
I had this image pop into my head over and over in childhood and probably stopped in my late 20s. Your post just made me remember it.
Exactly! My nine-month old self got the message that I am unlovable due to the way post-op from the tracheotomy was handled. My parents were prevented from being in the same ICU room as I was (hospital policy) and I took it as a lack of love. I had been a warm and happy baby, but after the tracheotomy, my parents reported that I was a little demon. From there, I became a "bad child" up until I was around 15. My obsession with girls (I've been diagnosed as a sex and love addict) was, I think an attempt to replace my mother, who did not handle my PTSD very well.
One thing to add:
I had an early trauma as well.
I fell out of the car when I was 2 and busted my head open nicely.
Ouch!
I don't know where to begin. I have a very active imagination too. I am very visual in my mind. I've never had an anvil in my mind but other things. Is there something in your subconscious maybe bugging you??? Maybe write or talk it out. That sounds hard and not pleasant. I hope you figure it out. I take meds for that btw in case it gets out of control. I really wish I had gotten a chance with psychotherapy first. Good luck. Find a good therapist.
I've found a good therapist, btw. She has helped me to confront the demons installed in me and the work continues. Thanks for the reply.
Weird, that’s how my anxiety manifests, an anvil floating over my head, that could fall at any moment. If you spend all your time dreading the loss of something or someone, it can be worse than not having had it in the first place. This is why I avoid most of the major aspects of life. It’s a skill to live in the now, that if you don’t use, you lose. Hence meditation.
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