My worst trigger

[HopeforMiami]

Have any of you ever looked into someone's eyes pleading with desperate hope, and realized that those eyes are empty, without a hint of emotion? Like there is no one there. Just some kind of human machine.That is the scariest thing I've ever seen and it haunts me after many years.

At that moment I thought "this is what evil is!"

Someone without sympathy or regard for another person's feelings can destroy you emotionally and psychologically and not even realize what they've done.

That's my worst trigger. I get major anxiety to the point where I can't function and I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack and faint at the same time and have to lie down.

Thank God for my ODTs!

I'm so scared of seeing that again that if anyone gives off any hint of this, I just resolve to avoid them as much as possible!

And I avoid this particular person at the cost of myself and my most loved children and family.

I have realized from experience that any regular person, even those who seem friendly, warm and affectionate, can be a sociopath. Because most of them are just regular people who don't really commit crimes or do anything drastic like in a movie. They have regular lives, being nice and polite, and mimic feelings very well, but have no empathy whatsoever and only do damage to those who are the most close to them.

That happened to me. And since it's not something anyone can see, if you try telling other people about it, you sound like a crazy person, or a mean person, or like you have some kind of vendetta or something else like that.

It's a real thing and the only thing you can do is to get away and stay away before you get emotionally or psychologically sick. Which I did and I am.

It took me much too long to realize that I was in an abusive relationship because there was no physical abuse. And it took me even longer to find out what I was dealing with, because of course, I thought sociopaths were violent criminals, etc.

So it's really hard to trust anyone completely for me. And maybe that's the way it's supposed to be. Maybe you should never trust anyone completely. I truly don't know.

It's taken me a long time to wrap my head around this and even longer to post about it, but there it is. With time, I've even learned compassion for this person because it must be hard to hide yourself and maintain the appearance of a normal person. But I don't engage in conversation or have any interaction with them because I know it's unhealthy and I can't handle the anxiety anyway.

I'm so grateful for this community because I feel safe here and I've gotten so much support and understanding and encouragement, that I can finally share this.

[AsoingerbobTheGreat]

That experience was similar to one I had.. man, stares are horrifying.. But I do have advice I can give. NEVER trust someone right off the bat. I would recommend looking for their true colors, and get to know them a bit more. When you said you saw the guy's empty soulless eyes, that was the tell that guy was a sociopath. Hope this info helped, and stay safe out in this crazy world. 👍🏼❤️

[HopeforMiami in reply to AsoingerbobTheGreat]

Thanks for your advice Asoingerbob. Yeah, it was horrifying.I think most people are good at heart, but I don't trust people much anymore.What I left out is that I was with this person for a long time, and I saw that empty look near the end of the relationship because he let me see it. He dropped the mask and let me see it. That's even scarier. Because they are so good at acting normal.

[BeagleHeart]

I've had this experience myself, the "emotionless eyes", it's had a huge impact on my social life since before I was a teenager. Now that I'm a bit older I regret how isolated I allowed my social life to become in response to just wanting safety. In a way I feel like I've been chasing a leprechaun my entire adult life.

[HopeforMiami in reply to BeagleHeart]

I know what you mean. It took me years to dare to get close to anyone again and as soon as anything made me feel suspicious, I just got out.

[Franklin68]

Oh my gosh Hope

If I was writing my experiences and observations, your words would be mine

[HopeforMiami in reply to Franklin68]

Thank you for sharing that. I felt really stupid for a long time until I found out that this happens to others.

[Pitalife]

Everything I go to see Drs I see them eyes.

[HopeforMiami in reply to Pitalife]

Really? Your doctor's? That must be so awful.

[Franklin68]

I still can’t get over that someone has recognized what I ve been experiencing for over 2 decades and wrote so eloquently about it. . To me, every little thing you write is dead on, and I too have gone the way of protecting myself at all costs.

When your desperately sick and you consistently run into “dem eyes”, it’s like living in a science fiction movie.

It’s so sad but knowing is power for ourselves to protect from that “Evil”

[HopeforMiami]

Dear Franklin68,I'm so glad that my post was helpful to you. I've never shared that with anyone because it sounds crazy. But I'm so glad that you get it.

You've been so helpful to me by just letting me know that you get it.

I'm not sure if I believe in evil itself, but I think lack of empathy for another's suffering, or just having no real sense of caring or concern for anyone might be.

Big HOWEVER, I don't know how someone becomes that way or if some people are just born like that, but maybe if they had the choice, they would want to be normal.

So I'm terrified of ever letting someone like that into my life (it would have to be without my awareness) because they're really good at acting normal.

But I find it easier on myself to try to see it as a flawed or even a disability and have some sense of compassion. But never allow myself to fall for it again.