Self loathing, perfectionism and overthinking

Hi, I'm new here. I am worried because during the recent years I've been overthinking like crazy and suffering from self-loathing like I have never done before. I'm a big perfectionist and I have always been, and although I'm realising that it really hurts me I'm afraid of stopping being one because I feel like if I do I will just become mediocre. I constantly feel fat, ugly and stupid. I've been to a therapist but it hasn't done much for me

[SarcasmIsFun]

Oooh! So relatable! You should join me. I am an imperfect perfectionist with low self esteem but a fair amount of self respect. It’s enough to give you a headache but I became exhausted and broken trying to live up to an impossible ideal. Plus, I save time on all those apologies when I inevitably fail at something. And you WILL fail, because we’re humans. Plus perfection is boring and stagnant to self growth.

[yogi_]

I remember the first time I went to a therapist. It was the scariest thing ever for me. I was so ready to go in there and tell her everything but I never ended up telling her what I came about or anything. I left there and cried because I honestly felt worse. But I realized therapy isn't magic it takes time and after a while it helped me a lot. It's really hard to be happy with ourselves sometimes. There have been times where I won't socialize for long periods of times because my self esteem is so low. I just try to accept myself for who I am. Everyone is different in their own ways and I have to accept mine. If you want to talk I'm here.

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Do you have any hobbies?

[Hidden]

Hi rustysmom,

You need to first love yourself and build up your self-esteem . Get out of you comfort zone! Get you a sexy hairdo, new sexy wardrobe, good smelling perfume and a little makeup.

When you look good, you feels good?

Hold your head up and keep a smile on your face! Feel confident!

[marsdream]

I am sorry that you are having a difficult time right now. Overthinking and self-loathing can just bring you down; it is easy to fall into that trap. I know that you have some negative feelings about yourself, but you are beautiful and brave to open up about what you are dealing with. Try to give talking to a therapist another try, maybe find a different one. Or is you don't mind finding a pastor or priest that you can open up to. Take one day at a time, don't overthink, just push pause and relax.

[Carjul60]

I'm just like you, I have hated myself since being bullied at secondary school. I always got called ugly and fat, they used to say my legs were like tree trunks and my hair was horrible and like straw. They also used to ask if I was a girl or a boy, which they knew, as it was an all girls school. I had pins stuck in me, my uniform ripped and blamed for things I hadn't done so that they didn't get in trouble with the teachers. I have never had any self worth whatsoever since then. I'm not a perfectionist, I don't give a fig any more what anyone thinks. I just can't be bothered to try and look nice, because I don't think that it is possible. I will not push myself work wise because I don't feel worthy. I've had dream jobs that I am qualified to do, but I won't apply because I just think that they will not want me.

I too have been to various therapists, done CBT courses and other one that they dish out. They suggested group therapy, but I couldn't do that as I don't have the confidence. I feel like the World's doormat. How do you "snap out of it".