Is it too late?

[Kyoya]

I'm new here and will give a medium run through....

I am getting rather old and wonder if my anxiety will just rule over me and my, lets say life. To run it down it has only gotten worse as I get older. As a kid I was shy but never felt a need to sit back and felt watched. Around Highschool I had friends more by chance then anything but they all seemed to be extroverts of different walks. ex geek, jock, nerd, lad and lass. They couldn't care less of who or what was going on.

I felt even on the outside here like they had been watching me to misstep or do something. It got to a point I gave up on going to their houses and always suggested coming to my place instead or playing games with them.

I had a couple serious relationships in my Highschool years but found out the first was a "dare" or "joke" like some sadistic teen movie. It reinforced the watching idea and made me study people even harder to a point I probably came off as a starerer or creep.

As Highschool was only a couple years from ending I found out that another lass liked me and I was happy about that. I even tried pushing myself out of my safety zone pushing my anxiety levels to levels I once thought of as high. We lasted for some time and again I found out it was more of a "pity" dating then true caring.

With the final school year about to end I had all but stopped hanging out with my friends and looking outward and focused on studying any people I had ever came across be it mannerisms, vocal or ways of being.

I ended up with a job I wont talk of but I was happier then I had ever been after a few years I ended up injured and couldn't do anything, I entered a many year long depression that I would not admit to. not to myself or anyone. i gained massive weight and got to a point where I didn't care if I made it another day or not.

I'm now a disabled, aniexty ridden old man who just...exists. It has become near impossible to do simple things such as go to the store, I tend to pay people to go for me and gave up the aspect at as I stated this advanced age for acceptance, "fixing" it or finding companionship if even through understanding.

[Blackdog1]

I don't think it is too late. I think posting here, in essence, reaching out is a first step.

I don't have much figured out but have gotten some kind words that have helped me here.

[Kyoya in reply to Blackdog1]

I just wonder because it seems way too late.

[Blackdog1 in reply to Kyoya]

There really is no such thing. Do things get harder to change the longer you've been doing them? Yea, probably. But is there a cutoff date? Is it un-doable? Hell no.

[Hidden]

Welcome!! It’s never too late ❤️

[Kyoya in reply to Hidden]

I just think I passed a age of return so to say.

[Hidden in reply to Kyoya]

If you think you’ve passed the age of return what’s your plan now?

My age of no return was 21. I was positive I’d die then, almost did a few times. Now I’m old, it’s weird. No plans but alright with it.

[Kyoya in reply to Hidden]

I would say 20 is still very young honestly, it feels more like I am just kinda here. I doubt that makes much sense.

[Hidden in reply to Kyoya]

No it makes sense. Just being there is enough of a reason to put in the effort. Once you get the ball rolling who knows where it’ll take you.

[Want2BHappy3]

Hello, what do you consider Old? I’m 65 and like you I feel alone with anxiety and depression. I don’t know if it gets Worse? Everyone’s different, I’ve been dealing with this off and on for about 36 years. I’m feeling more anxious these days with what’s going on with the virus. I did have to retire early because of my anxiety. Have you looked into counseling? You might be able to get on e to call You? 🙏

[Kyoya in reply to Want2BHappy3]

Good morning, you Sir are older then me, almost twice my age. I haven't looked into no. when I brought it up much earlier back in the beginning days people would tell me that's for crazy people or people sent by force. I just started to not look out for help as it seemed a lost cause or be labeled fake, crazy or anything else. This place is a first look so to say.

[Want2BHappy3 in reply to Kyoya]

I’m guessing you don’t live in the USA, people thinking that Therapy is for “Crazy People “. Is a mythical thought. I live in California here it’s the IN thing, people even take their animals. I think that’s with people who have Too much Money $$$. I think doctors think people are Fake ? Just don’t want to deal with it.

[MzK123]

I'm approaching 41 and definitely think it's too late for me. I've tried but no matter where I turn my ex whom I'm still completely in love with is waiting. I can't seem to shake him and it also means I can't move on. I've shuttered myself in so chances of meeting someone is virtually nil. I keep up a positive facade so people won't know as I also live outside of the US where depression is still viewed as a crazy person illness.