Ever since my father passed away back in 2009 something totally switched off inside me like a candle been snuffed out. Being a previously and incredibly active person having multiple interests, in both Photography, kite flying to metal detecting to collecting antiques and travelling to many antique shows and festivals and while all these things filled up in between my 2 main hobbies of fishing and restoring old motorbikes to riding and racing them so my life was incredibly full from day to day often doing multiple things in one day to fit it all in.
When dad died though, something simply died inside from that day on preventing me from doing anything at all. I found doing or going anywhere on my own especially, was virtually impossible as I seemed to lose all ability to coordinate myself and found the get-up and go had simply got up and gone and any keen enthusiasm I had beforehand had vanished and I struggled so much to reason with myself as to why or what happened to the old me? Fishing which was my total passion and consumed such a lot of my time I struggled with the most, I would get to the destination, sit there unable to get out of the car and often turn around in the carpark and drive back home often in tears incapable of being able to make a day or even an hour of something, wasting my time, my car's fuel but most of all feeling like I had let myself down badly and this has gone on ever since. Trying to work out myself why this has happened or putting a finger on the actual thing as to why this has happened was the greatest feat spending countless hours and days trying to figure it all out in my head working out why I just couldn't physically make it all happen putting theory into practice anymore and do the very one things that I loved doing so passionately. I still haven't worked it all out even today and since then I have lost my mother too just recently. I am desperate to go and do a bit go fishing again or pick up my camera and begin taking a few pictures again or even flying my kite or going metal detecting again but make up every excuse in the book as to why I could not possibly go with my illnesses being at the very centre of my list holding me back. I honestly feel there are no reasons other than me stopping me as there is nothing holding me back but for me itself? I have all the equipment but just lack the confidence to do it on my own. I have tried counselling about this, speaking to my GP. talking to my partner yet it does not seem to work. Everything else seems to consume and envelop me and my days seem to go and blend into each other and nothing ever gets sorted, then the year again is up and I have done nothing on my list again and that's yet another year put on hold. I wish I had a close friend to go with who could maybe motivate me into rekindling these interests again, certainly things like the fishing would be a great release for me. it helps all sorts of medical issues and gives you something other than sleeping and feeling depressed and I feel it would be a good thing to get back into. I am working on the metal detecting thing, I gained 2 permissions on farmland and pasture but both are not easy with me having fibromyalgia, I'd rather have grassland or ploughed fields as they are easier for me to negotiate all be it slowly. Does anyone else suffer a similar thing to me?
Did you and your Father fish together. If so, I can understand why it may be so hard to go alone, as it would bring up sad memories. The one thing to remember is that it is wonderful that you and he were so close. It made him very happy and made you happy too. Both of you are very lucky that you had a rare and wonderful relationship. There is now considered to be such a thing as "complicated grief." It is possible that this is your issue and you may be able to find a therapist that specializes in this area and can help you. 🪁🧲💔
Me and my father never fish together for years and even then he was no good at being a mentor, my father had no patience to want to teach, He bossed me around or hit me if I didn't do what he told me to or worse he hit me with a stick or anything he could lay his hands on while my mother stood and watched but he refused to me teach me anything so he was quite the opposite, in fact, we worked together most of our lives in a family business and even though his behaviour was very controversial in a today's world we had a good relationship as adults. he had my respect and I had his. He had Parkinson's disease in the end and I looked after him until his death. I use to go with a friend I had for years, an older man than my father like a substitute father. our friendship stopped when my dad died and I moved away leaving my hometown sp we never saw each other again. He will have passed away now of old age no doubt. thank you for your reply and concern. 👍
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i put up an inspiration wall and memorials in the woods.........have trees named after people and trail...........but really ............I've come back to art due to this group...
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im an embarassement to my bio mother............her problem...she eats tanks for breakfast....
I don't feel mine is depression related somehow as I still have these interests and watch them on TV and Youtube ect. my interest hasn't gone, it has just halted hence me asking?
I do all sorts of things from the pieces I find on the beach, from painting stones to make into Owls to carving driftwood into snakes or making shell creatures for my garden, I also work with that Milliput to make all sorts, I like fungus especially mushrooms of all different types so I made myself some of these with ear swabs and wooden discs covered in this milli putty then painted.
All made out of Milliput using earbuds as stems and wooden craft discs covered in putty
the thing i like about art is anyone can participate in contras to horses.........sure one can trail ride but the industry is very expensive judgmental and mostly for twiggy types..........even if I starve...i will always have the frame of fireman not a twig.............the drawing board doesn't care about race, creed color or body size..........any subject or method is game..........available not just for the rich..........
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note to fellow artists - growing up I noted lots and lots of war art....very basic concept later reworked to fine art...but ....no one laughed or critiqued and they still got the concept across...........so I never thought anying of it....Later I watched how movies evolve....just crude sketches..........and story booking....the doctors and some counselors don't know that..........some can be very misinformed or judgemental................dude.............its a concept drawing.....no offense...what do they know...............
tons of car designs started on napkins.
so many pseudo experts out there............now u have to have this paper or this grade of.................sure for professional level painting................not hoobby and not concept journals.............yeesh they make things sooo hard...........just doodle...........
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hope you keep your artwork up, take care night as it is 06am here in the UK. had no sleep as yet as I struggle with sleep. night
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sorry take care.....
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if i won the lotto..........id do nothing but art and projects........very cool how accep;ting people are of artists here...........unlike so called famillly....i once talked about murals on buildings and turning the artists loose in a town .........my older sister just rolled her eyes.............such a know it all...........thing is u let all the graffiti people have wall space and they are happier than jailing them.and
u see the progressive town...................murals everywhere....
critics and know it alls..............P in neck know it all.s..........don't listen to them
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Just one of the many owls I painted on a beach stone. I have done quite a few for people around my village, it brought them hope and goodwill when the Covid lockdown was here. 😇
acrylic painted on a beach stone
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i lived in britain....wonderful stories no one wants to here..........the British people would loooooooooooove these..............wwooonderful...yes u help a lot...prob will ..........y do help............u do x ten billiion.........many many many fond times in Britain...........ud get it........u want me to paint u something ? sure ...we will trade......now the British understand that concept...........
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let me know what u wold llike.....love *** your painting..........bet the people lvoeved them............
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heres a painting of snow storm i went through....on a mountain hurricane...........
lol................ud get this
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my painting and creativity comes from my father...worked too hard to get personal time to express..............I'm not working til I drop...been there.........not any more.............only one life...........this isn't a rehearsal and I don't answer to bad families who are slave drivers............not their life.
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u relate....i dont have to explaiin...ud never tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself.etc...or he just wants attention or all theother garbage my ex family says..............total garbage....grief is grief............not worthy to share with them suh horrible listeners............
Thank you for that information. I will certainly try this take care stay safe x👍
i gave up; art many times.....the music died with the man...and friends...my family of critics killss it...................just started back after many months.....due to this group.....i kid u not...........whats the point...no one wants it...........cant give it away....put up signs...free art....ask me .....................nope ...............my father would understand but id never talk about it except here............
veryvery sorry about your losses.................yes the art is just the mechanics...........the passonn comes from those you love..............they never get it tho. they never realize how much they mean to u...........who can put it into words............
again....so sorry for your loses.............
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Yes your right, it does leave an empty void but somehow life does go on, I certainly want and intend mine too if it's the last thing I do. I will fight this to the end.👍 I'm sorry it's so hard on you also. if I could help you I would? write me something or paint me a picture as I would appreciate it?😇
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