My Bio Dad

[SilentSinger55]

I made a post about my biological dad a while back so I'm not going to go too far into everything but this is kind of bothering me.

My biological dad is a drug addict and alcoholic. My mom says that when he is sober, he's a good guy, but I've never actually met him. The only time I remember seeing him was when I was 7, and he was drinking. About three years ago, I was in a residential treatment facility for issues related to my anxiety and depression, and I decided that I wanted to reach out to him. My mom messaged him over Facebook, explaining the situation and that we could only talk if there was a therapist present but I would really like to talk to him. He didn't respond for months, and by the time he did, I had already been released from the facility. He said that he wouldn't talk to a "shrink" but he would love to see his daughter. This wasn't an option and I honestly didn't care because I knew that if he cares enough to actually want to talk to me, he would compromise.

Last night, my mom, out of the blue, asked if I wanted to talk to him. I didn't even have to think about it. I said no. She then told me that last week, he called her. He was super drunk and said he had been reminiscing and missed his baby's(My older brother and I). I later thought about how I didn't even have to think about my answer and it kind of confused me for two reasons. 1) Three years ago, I was desperate to talk to this man. I wanted to know who had created me. 2) I still want to know. Two months ago, I was googling him to try to get a sense of who he was. So why don't I want to talk to him? Am I just scared? Or is it because I know he isn't a very good person and I don't want to face the truth... I'm already becoming like him.

[Mary-intussuception]

You're not "already' becoming like him. You are you. A unique individual.

You decide what you will be like.

Fathers are humans too & make mistakes. Some are still carrying the baggage of an unhealed past.

I wouldn't be concerned about your change of mind over seeing him.

There is no guilt or underlying wrong doing / wrong thought on your part.

You are free to change your mind again (& again if you wish).

I would try not to over think this.

Have you forgiven him? Whether or not you have - I would at least try to put negative thoughts of him out of your mind.

One thing he got right though -

Beautiful, Precious you.

x

[Marshall64 in reply to Mary-intussuception]

Agree 100%. You put that very well.

[Mary-intussuception in reply to Marshall64]

X

🐥

[Fallen_angel94]

Hey, this is pretty tricky to just give you the answer you are looking for but in all honesty if you don't meet with him it would probably worry you all the more,especially because you said you would like to meet him. Hope you understand what I'm trying to say here. Your conscience can be a b@tch if you get my drift. At this point in time it's already bothering you that you did not get the chance to meet with him the first time you wanted to. Imo I would just get it over with,so even if it doesn't work out ,at least you can say you tried as apposed to not trying at all. Sometimes it's better to do the opposite of what we feel.

Hope you can make a decision you are comfortable with.

[JPMcG]

silent singer that is an amazing look at your self and I have asked my self similar questions, esp. dealing with nativity, fear and holding you back, insecurity and substance abuse. All of those are scary issues. I am the type of person that has to continually remind my self that I am a good person and that I deserve to be happy as a by-product of low self esteem issues. But if you have the opportunity to meet bio dad, then you are blessed. Only positive outcomes will result, so I encourage you to go for it by overcoming fear, insecurity, and not to mention substance abuse on either part. Because fact is that drugs and alcohol are depressants that don't make us think and behave too clearly. Once clarity is found, perhaps even in a renewed relationship, sobriety may be the long term result. Addicts are very shrouded souls, their bodies constantly have a want, and their minds trick into patterned thinking. Don't judge bio dad, because life is a lot about being in the right place at the right time, and vice versa. Bless bee well.