I'm scared dad doesn't love me anymore

[Against_the_current]

I was good here. Basically moving out saved my life. And now i'm alone and i'm so mad at myself that i didn't use this time for myself but to check on my parents. Don't tell me i'm stupid, i already know. But i wanted to check up on them so i'm sure mom's stable and dad still Loves me. I'm scared they're gonna abandon me just because i'm pretending to be an adult now. And texting with mom was good, weirdly good. But dad was cold and left me on seen. Also my friend called me i was texting him. I texted him after the call but he just left it on seen. I don't want to call him because i might hear the baby. I get really triggered texting my parents and i do it because i don't want them to abandon me. They're toxic but i don't want to be forgotten and replace. I just hope (or gaslight myself as dad always did) that probably dad's just bad with words and emotions and he's more of a logic thinking (tho he has no logic lately) but Loves me in a more practical instead of verbal way. Probably i'm just overreacting because i'm already triggered from texting mom. I texted like "hi, how are you", he said "fine, cleaning, you? Do you need money?". And i was like no, i'm just checking up on you so you don't forget me. I'm not texting him for money. But for just to see him. I will think he asked because of caring about me instead of thinking i'm seeking him just and only for money. And i told him, i have a budget. Then he told me Sister's "idiotic" friend forgot her keys in his car and he had to go back. And then my friend called. She couldn't help me. She just needed my support. I tried and finally she cancelled to eat. I went back to the chat. Finished what i was writing and he just left me on seen. But i hope it's just nothing more to be said. Probably on the phone it would be better but idk his new work and i don't want to hear the baby neither. I just hope he isn't good with words but supports me matherially. I hope i'm just triggered

[1947treble]

I have an older sister that I was inseparable with most of my life. When we lived near each other I had gotten into drugs and was not a good sister-for years. I dismissed her, didn't spend much time with her anymore. Then we both moved to different states, got preoccupied with life, we both got married, she had two kids, we stopped talking except when it seems necessary- birthdays, holidays, visiting with my oldest sister. I have long-term sobriety now and have come really far the past 4-5 years but see no way of showing her that. I get really upset over it and obsess over what she must think of me. But I've realized that unless I directly ask it's not fair to scrutinize her or make any sort of assumptions. It's still something that I wrestle with way too heavily. I've decided now isn't the time to bring it into the open so until then I just have to remind myself that I can't read her mind and agonizing over it doesn't accomplish anything except stress and self loathing that isn't directed toward any kind of solution. If I'm going to try and guess, the least I could do is assume the best of someone I love.

[Against_the_current in reply to 1947treble]

Yeah, mind-reading, guessing and Overthinking it are only gonna bring me more pain. Thank you for reaching out and sharing your story, i needed it

[1947treble in reply to Against_the_current]

I'm just glad it helped!

[Daveacr1959]

Your dad will always love you. I have 2 grown daughters. And I’m a grandpa. It’s impossible for us to not love you. But we are bad texters. You have to call him just to let him know you wanted to talk and hear his voice. Would you try something for me? Just pick one . Try the Wim Hof guided breathing exercises free on you tube. Or take a cold 5-10 minute shower or bath. Depending on how cold the water is. At first it’s energetic then it calms you down and helps you sleep. Or do 40 minutes of cardio exercise. I want you to see you have power in the things I suggest. I did the 3 rounds breathing exercises to warm up for the 5 rounds. And now I’m going swimming in my 58 degree swimming pool for 15-20 minutes. Keeping my head and face in a lot . I’m feeling lazy so I won’t do the cardio exercise today.

[Against_the_current in reply to Daveacr1959]

Thank you so much for both the reassurance and advice. I was scared he doesn't love me anymore. And i will try these to soothe, i realize my anxiety is making it worse

[Against_the_current in reply to Against_the_current]

Dad left me on seen again. I sent him a pic of my score in some videogame we played and he didn't even give me "👍". Just seen. I'm scared he is too busy with the damn baby and doesn't care about me anymore