This coronavirus lockdown definitely takes a toll on health. In every way.

[Ubud2021]

It’s been a few years since I have last posted anything. I’ve been kind of nervous to post anything since my last post. But here I am.

It seems like we are all struggling. Many ways the same, similar, or completely different. But the toll it’s taking on our mental health, physical health, and/or spiritual health (whatever spiritual health means for you) seems to be happening to all of us. For me, it’s all of the above. I’m staying “back at home” for a little bit, maybe until the lockdowns have ended, or maybe even until I start to feel stronger. I’ve had a past 2 crazy years. But 2020 is just the sprinkles on top of it all!

Staying “back at home” for me, means staying with my amazing and personal hero -my grandmother, my cool and funny brother, and my mother who is taking care of everyone. But, me and my mom just don’t quite...”mesh” together well. When I moved out on my own, is when my relationship with my mom started to feel a little bit more healthy. We are both very strong headed people. So, we tend to get in a lot of arguments. Which, unfortunately has been happening a lot lately... I have a lot of past anger and resentment towards her, (and recent anger) that I just can’t seem to let go of. I know it’s best to forgive, but, I’ve been trying for years to forgive her. I just can’t. I know that holding onto anger is only hurting myself. But like I said, I just can’t seem to let things go.

Although I am not in an abusive household, my heart goes out to those of you who are. I’ve been just fighting with my mom a few times a day, and have major health issues, and mental issues, and with just that, I feel so alone.

My message box is always open. For ANYONE who is in need of venting. Because I know how this pandemic is making ME feel, and I see that there are a lot of other people feeling like they’re going crazy as well. I’m right there with you. Anxiety is higher, along with depression. My OCD thoughts are also taking control of me because I have all the time in the world to just think.

Let’s just be here. In the moment. And be nice to one another. We never know what people are going through. But, this craziness will end someday. Brighter days are ahead. Do what makes your soul happy. Even if it means, bringing that activity to your living room.

Stay safe out there 💕

[anxiousoutcast]

AWE this made my night thank you so much for posting this :)) I have issues w my mom too we clash since she is very strong person and harsh I’m not like that I don’t like being mean to get what I want I just try to avoid fighting. Unless someone is mistreating me I won’t say anything obviously. I can’t wait to move out she is too controlling It sucks and I know she is going to try and make me go to college to rly good places even though idc where I go as long as I get a decent education. I’d love to stay in NYC, but I doubt she will let me apply to colleges there which sucks besides NYU which is so expensive and I can’t afford.

[Ubud2021 in reply to anxiousoutcast]

I’m sorry that you have a hard time with your mom. Moving out is very nice! I just missed the home cooked food a lot 😉 and about the colleges, maybe she is saying that she knows how smart you are. And a nice college on your application is always a plus. But ultimately, the choice is up to you (: it’s on your hands sweetheart! I did a bit of traveling, and took some classes, and it was SO FUN!! Best thing I ever did for myself. Have you ever been out of New York??

[All_alone]

It has taken its toll on me as well especially this week for some reason. We never know what someone else is going through or what they are thinking about. Please don't be nervous to post; your words may really help someone on here. I read your post and it did make me smile with your last paragraph. I also know anger and resentment well and also have trouble letting go. Keep posting if it helps you. Have a good night.

[Ubud2021 in reply to All_alone]

Yes! This week has been such a rough one! I definitely feel you on that. And thank you so much for the kind words 🤗 you have a wonderful night as well!

[hugadoofy]

Thank you so much for saying this...

[Ubud2021 in reply to hugadoofy]

I believe that people think they are alone in all this. I feel that way, how can others not? That’s what inspired me to get on and write. I saw your post about the pandemic, and I want to tell you, that it is perfect. Good job. And for sharing such personal feelings too! Things are crazy...to put it lightly. I’ve also been journaling as well. It helps me feel more...I don’t know the word I’m looking for here...in touch? with what I feel and helps me better see my emotions, so that way, I know that I am just FEELING those things. I am not those things. I hope you continue to journal, or do what you need to do, to find a little bit of peace. Have a beautiful day. 💕

[hugadoofy in reply to Ubud2021]

Thank you! You have a beautiful personality for getting on and giving advice to people. Defiently have brightened my day