I’m writing because I feel I’m drowning in a sea of bitterness.
I’ve had a lot of difficult times in the past few years but even before that. It was pretty traumatic, and I can’t seem to let go of bitterness, hatred, grudges. I think its eating me up. How do you let go? If I let go, I feel these people are getting away Scot free; logically, I know it doesn’t work that way, but it’s just hard. I still deal with these people on s regular basis. I feel that no one knows what I went through and I’m the only one who knows. If I let go, it’s like none of it ever happened. If I let go or forgive, I feel vulnerable.
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Traveller85
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The whole debacle behind me becoming homeless is exactly the same to me. I will probably hate my ex room mate forever. I also have bitter feelings towards one of my friends who refused to help me during that time. I should forget it but, I cannot. The best I seem to be able to do is repress it to the back of my head. I hide it there until the next thing coms along and triggers it again....
hi amit,i know what you nean,do you know how I do it and have dun the same thing for years,well I smile at the,be pollite to them,you can see they start to boil.its like takind it off youself a putting it back were it belongs.give it a try it really works.see you amitt.
It's true that hate and bitterness are like an acid in a vessel.....eventually it will destroy the vessel. I lived with fear, anger, and hatred for my abuser's all my life until about twenty years ago. It took a life time almost to realize and believe....what happened to me was not my fault, I am not a bad person, bad things happen to good people, and I don't have to forgive what happened to me....but I can forgive myself for beating myself up with blame, shame, guilt, and all the stupid crap I did to myself because of not believing I was a person worth living. Yes.....for years I went through this hell.....I self medicated, put myself in un-healthy situations, etc. all because I didn't believe I was worth anything to anyone, not even to myself. I started getting help.....everything I could.... group therapy, one on one, going to meetings to sober up....and eventually....I started to like me.... I realized all that I could do was actually pretty darn cool. I was good at things, better than a lot of people I put myself down to before...I was okay, sure I have my stuff...but who doesn't.
It took a long time to forgive myself....and to let go of all that hate and anger I had towards my abusers.....one of the best thing's I did was ro exclude toxic people from my life....family, so called friends, etc. I learned how to have boundaries and who to let into my life and at what level of closeness I would be comfortable with knowing them.....not blindly leaping into relationships. No I am not one that believes I have to forgive my abusers, and no I don't think we can ever forget what was done to us.....but we can learn to not let it define us, and how to no longer let that rule our emotions, we live with the scars no one else can see, yes we will probably always feel them to some extent, but we don't have to every single day any more....we can find a certain level of peace...and be happier......we will always have good and bad days....but at least I know the bad will pass.
I hope you find your inner peace and be able to enjoy a reprieve some days when your on the up side of depressions emotional roller coaster...I hope for your sake someday those that hurt you are no longer renting space in your head, and that what happened to you no longer has the power over you, .... that will free you....more than you can imagine. You deserve to be happier....you deserve love.... and you are lovable....but we cannot be truly loved by another unless we can learn to start loving ourselves....warts and all.
The past is the past. It is difficult to change what has happened and the scars will probably always be with us in one way or another.
Having said that, I came across a saying: "Let go and let God".
I found that incredibly comforting. When I refer to God I am not doing so necessarily in the religious sense but rather in the way that Alcoholics Anonymous puts it, to try to give over one's grievances to a higher power. Actually, anything at all, so long as it isn't you. Whatever is your higher power, just let it go onto it. Be it the universe, the collective unconscious, even the trees or the sun, whatever, just let it go.
Someone once did a really good visualisation exercise with me. Close your eyes and imagine a hot air balloon tethered to the ground in a field on a sunny day. Blue skies and a gentle breeze. You are lying, sitting or standing on a small hill overlooking the hot air balloon and you gently place all your thoughts, negative as well as positive, or if you prefer just your negative thoughts into the basket of the balloon. When you think you are ready you give the signal and the hot air balloon is untethered and you watch it slowly float away into the blue sky. Up, up and away. Offering up your bothersome thoughts to the universe. You can repeat the exercise as many times as you like.
It isn't necessarily a substitute for counselling or therapy to deal with past trauma but it can help in the present to allow one to feel a bit lighter on the heart and mind.
Thank you, this was very helpful. Just what I needed to hear 😄
Think it is a process and not sure how long it all takes, I have had some nasty people in my life that have caused total hatred and anxiety and chaos , I have tried to forgive them over and over, they are still in my life at times and I still talk to them, but I don't for the life of me understand why I keep doing that, think I thought it would help me forgive and forget but that so far has not worked, wish I had some advice to help us both, but I don't,
It took me 40 years to forgive a family member for abuse. I didn't tell him and I haven't seen him in 15 years and never will again. I did it for me. If I didn't he wins. I feel less hatred in my soul. Forgiveness can be for yourself. Cut those people out of your life if that helps. That is a personal decision. Good luck.
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how to let go of fear I want to know
How do I let him go? 
When to let go? 
how do I let go?
