Forgiveness

[FriendlyDude]

The idea of forgiveness struck me this morning.

Forgiveness is powerful. It allows us to let go of grudges and anger, it’s a path to healing and peace The way I see it, people don’t have to apologize for you to forgive them, I call it an unconditional attitude of forgiveness. No matter what people do, never allow anger or hate to take root, and don’t hold grudges. All those do is eat you up from the inside. Instead, always live with a heart full of love

When people wrong you, I encourage you to think about their side of the story. Oftentimes they’re just dealing with a lot and either lost their temper, aren’t thinking clearly, both, or more. No need to get upset over that, right? Anger in response to anger produces more anger, pain, and division. I understand that there are people out there who will intentionally and knowingly wrong you, but anger and grudges won’t help you. If you let anger and hate take root, darkness wins. Learn to let go. Hate and anger is the path to the dark side (I’ve been watching a lot of Star Wars lately 😂😂).

Other times people are just stubborn, but we still need to let go, and choose to magnify love instead. They have the ability to make choices, and what they choose to do is up to them. Understand that they have their reasons, and although you may not understand, trust that they do. All we have to do is focus on our part to make the best decisions we can.

Some people act (or don’t act) and have no idea that they offended you. When you approach someone in this case and tell them how you feel, they get to see your side of the story and you give them a chance to reach a mutual understanding and make things right. Just make sure you approach them with love, if you have an outburst of hate when you approach, chances are it won’t go too well 😅 There is the possibility they won’t want to hear what you have to say, but be sure to respect their wishes. If you tried, you tried. You did your part, and it’s time to let go.

When people fight with fire (hate/anger) and you respond with water (forgiveness; love), you give them a chance to let go and allow you to help them put out the fire. If they don’t accept your water, they’ll have to deal with the fire without your help. At least they can know that you’re willing to help and perhaps seeing that will help them let go of any anger or grudges directed at you.

I hope you’ll consider choosing to live with an Unconditional Attitude of Forgiveness. It’s worth it, I promise if everyone responded to fire by offering water, imagine all the fires of anger we could put out we’d be making the world a happier place!

I wish you all the best! I hope you have a wonderful day

[Hb2003]

Thanks for that 😊

[fauxartist]

In a perfect world this would be wonderful....sadly....it's a society far from it, and it has become a self serving, self importance envy driven 'selfie' mentality....but the few rays of hope and acts of selfless kindness or purity of heart still give some of us hope. It starts with just one person, like one drop of water starts an ocean. So hopefully your message will catch on.

[FriendlyDude in reply to fauxartist]

Yeah, society can be disappointing like that, but as you said, it starts with one we just gotta do our part and lead by example REVOLUTION TIME!!!! 😂😂 I hope this message catches on too the world needs more forgiveness and love.

[Starrlight]

I deal with one very difficult person but I put in effort to give when I can to show I care. So even though I really hate how he behaves and that he has hurt me in the past, I let go as I know he won’t change and I am trying to focus on the good in him. That’s how I would like to be treated if someone had a problem with me.

[FriendlyDude in reply to Starrlight]

Good for you that’s a great thing you did, giving and showing that you care what you did is important, and we should all learn to separate our feelings toward behavior from the individual(s). We may not like what they’re doing, but they are still people worthy of love

I don’t like that my parents fight, but I still love them and do what I can for them. I could do a better job focusing on the good though, there’s always room for growth You bring up an important lesson, thanks for sharing

[fauxartist in reply to Starrlight]

It's difficult to be around someone you don't want to be around. You know...we can forgive someone because they may just be a jerk by nature, and always will be, but I don't put myself in the line of fire or take any crap off them either, nor do we have to forgive their actions. I'm okay with just avoiding situations as much as possible with someone who has no interest in anyone but themselves and chooses to project their ignorance on others. I don't have to be magnanimous and self sacrificing… being diplomatic and cautious are more effective in my book.

[FriendlyDude in reply to fauxartist]

Yeah, you definitely don’t have to stick around if they’re ‘firing’ at you, you don’t need to stay in their ‘line of fire.’ The point is to focus on the good though forgive as much as you can, and let go of as much anger/hate as you can. Doing this can free up room for the good feelings to settle in everyone is different, so the way people handle forgiveness will be different. If being diplomatic and cautious works for you, go for it

[fauxartist in reply to FriendlyDude]

I completely understand about not holding onto anger, it's like acid in a vessel...eventually it eats through the vessel. Some say there are some things that are just un-forgivable...and in Dogmatic text, it's said to be magnanimous and forgive the un-forgivable. So I guess it’s up to the individual who and what they choose to hold onto. I don’t hate my abusers anymore…the only one who I was hurting mostly was myself….but their acts upon me as a child and young adult are un-forgivable. And I forgive myself for ever thinking I was somehow responsible for what happened to me.

I have great respect for those like Corrie" ten Boom, who I had met in my late teens at a lecture she had given about forgiveness, and to forgive someone for killing a loved one is far beyond comprehension, I am not that gracious.

Below is a bit of her story:

Cornelia Arnolda Johanna "Corrie" ten Boom (15 April 1892– 15 April 1983) was a Dutch Christian watchmaker and later a writer who worked with her father, Casper ten Boom, her sister Betsie ten Boom and other family members to help many Jews escape from the Nazis during the Holocaust in World War II by hiding them in her home. She believed her actions were following the will of God. They were caught, and she was arrested and sent to the Ravensbrück concentration camp. Her most famous book, The Hiding Place, is a biography that recounts the story of her family's efforts while she was imprisoned at the concentration camp.

[teen_anxiety]

LOL, I can not count the many times I have accidentally taken my issues out on someone or not really and they get mad at me, and then it makes me feel worse even tho many times I tell myself whatever or do not take this out on someone I still end up doing it without meaning to. Also sometimes when I am mad and someone else is being good and kind that annoys me knowing that is how I should be but I am not and at that moment do not want to/know how to be like that. thx for the post tho.

[FriendlyDude in reply to teen_anxiety]

Sometimes we are not the ones on the side of needing to forgive, and we’re the ones who need to apologize. Even if it seems like a trivial matter, an apology can go a long way. It shows them that we care and don’t want to go down the road of anger and grudges. Sometimes people are scared to openly forgive (afraid of an outburst of hate and more pain or something like that), so being the one to apologize can encourage them to be openly forgiving so that both parties can mutually find understanding, healing and peace. They may not forgive you, but it’s important to do your part

I do see how watching others in a better state could make you feel bad about yourself, because you know you could be better, but in the moment you’re not... it can be discouraging, but you gotta remember to keep trying! No need to compare yourself to them, they are not you, so just do your best I believe in you!

[FriendlyDude]

You’re welcome! And I agree, forgiving takes strength and courage. You have a good heart Luna I hope it’ll always be full of love and goodness! You are awesome

[FriendlyDude]

Thanks

[Hidden]

What if you have someone playing the victim? They hurt you, then they play the victim and say that you hurt them. This has happened to me. It makes you crazy. You start doubting yourself and think "what if I really am the bully I'm being told I am?" I've been called some colorful things by this person and only this person. I still interact with this person today because I like to see the good in people. It might sound selfish, but I want to be the one to change that person for the better. I want to be the one to wake that person up and realize "wow! There really are nice people out there!" Although I still interact with this person, I have a feeling they are spreading rumors about me. I don't know whether it's paranoia or teue that they are doing this, but it's a feeling I have nonetheless. I still genuinely care about this person even though I've been told to let them go because they won't change. Maybe it's my low self-esteem that has me still interact with this person despite the circumstances or maybe it's me trying to be a good Christian. I've actually brought this up to my Bible study. They said to forgive. I did forgive in words. I think I've forgiven in my heart too, but that's harder. This person doesn't think they've done wrong. How are you supposed to forgive that? I know it's a form of manipulation since I feel like the bad guy. How do you forgive someone who manipulates?

[FriendlyDude in reply to Hidden]

That’s a good question. I hope I have an answer. You said you forgave them in word and you think in heart, so I think your heart is in the right place. You want to help them be better, I think that’s great if they really won’t change (won’t emphasizes that they have the opportunity but refuse), then I’m not sure there’s anything you can do (other than praying of course, you can always do that). It’s their choice to change, you can’t do it for them.

It is your choice whether you continue to be in contact with them, perhaps you can be a positive influence that helps them decide to change later in life. You never know, but it’s up to you you definitely don’t have to stick around with someone who continually manipulates you. It’s okay to forgive them and walk away from future harm.

Also, if they’re the only one who says those things about you, and everyone else says otherwise, there’s a pretty good chance they’re mistaken. Just like the internet, you can’t believe everything you hear. Search your heart and soul, pray, do whatever you need to do to find truth. What they say about you isn’t guaranteed truth, so just do your best to make sure you’re doing everything you need to be doing

[Hidden in reply to FriendlyDude]

Thank you; this helps! Phil and I are actually both referring two different people on here. Both have done the same to others. Apparently they are still at it.

Yes, I forgave in words. The person's response (which was changed to forgiving me back, but I still saw it on email) was "for what?" So they don't get it.

[Hidden]

Thanks, this is good advice although hard to put into practice. I find it hard to forgive self-righteous people. One in particular has treated me and others in a demeaning way and doesn't even realize it. He is so full of himself and blind to his folly. It is hard to forgive unconditionally. But, yes, it is the best thing to do.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Agreed; it is so hard, especially when it comes to people like you and I describe. I think they do know what they're doing, though.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Yes it's a real struggle. Sometimes it feels impossible. That's when I remind myself that "I believe in miracles!" As a Christian, I like to repeat "lord enlarge my heart" with the belief that I can't do it on my own, I need help. With God all things are possible.

[FriendlyDude in reply to Hidden]

Oftentimes the best solution isn’t easy... but it certainly helps us grow You might consider talking to this person. Maybe give him a loving push in the right direction to be mindful of his words/actions. Perhaps you can do that by expressing how his words and actions impact you and others. Be honest, and follow your heart if he sees the consequences of his actions, he might want to change.

Just focus on what you can do, and give it your best. If things don’t work out with this guy, you gave it your best shot, and it’s up to him to change.

[Jeff1943]

FriendlyDude, fine words but if you keep forgiving someone won't they just do it again and again and again because they know you will forgive them every time?

You forgive people only when they show contrition or you've just described a recipe for them walking all over you.

[FriendlyDude in reply to Jeff1943]

That is an excellent point, and I agree. Thanks for pointing that out I guess the important part there is to be willing to forgive, and in cases with repeated offenses, forgive the first time, but have them come up with a plan to change their behavior so that they don’t do it again. And each time, if they’re doing their best, and they come up with a revised plan each time to become better, sincerely trying to change, definitely forgive them. But if they’re simply taking advantage of you, be willing to forgive, but wait for them to make changes first. If they never change, you don’t have to continue to be in contact with them. It’s okay to be assertive, say no, and walk away. Just be sure to let any grudges or hard feelings go away. It’s not good to hold onto that kind of negativity.

[Jeff1943 in reply to FriendlyDude]

Five immigrants raped my cousin's daughter a while back, she was a virgin, now she is so traumatised she can't have a proper relationship with a partner. They would have to do an awful lot of good to be forgiven by me. I think they should all hang and not necessarily by the neck.

[FriendlyDude in reply to Jeff1943]

That’s absolutely terrible, I’m sorry for your cousin’s daughter. The worse the offense, the harder to forgive for sure. Things like murder and rape, depending on the person it may be unforgivable to them. And I understand why, I wouldn’t blame them for not forgiving. Part of forgiveness is restitution on their part. That’s why murder and rape can be considered unforgivable, they can’t restore the life they ended, and they can’t give someone their virginity back. The super serious stuff, I understand not forgiving, but anything that can be restored should be forgivable. But the worse the offense, the more work to make things right. As long as they are willing to put in the work to make restitution, you should be willing to forgive.

[Jeff1943 in reply to FriendlyDude]

Yes after they have shown genuine remorse and done something to make up for the evil they have done forgiveness becomes a possibility. But some things can never be forgiven.

[Hb2003 in reply to Jeff1943]

My mom and dad used to be immigrants I am sorry that this happened to your cousin not all immigrants are bad though

[Jeff1943 in reply to Hb2003]

Of course not, Hb2003. The overwhelming majority of immigrants are decent people. This was in southern France btw.

[Hb2003 in reply to Jeff1943]

It’s now chaotic in France unfortunately

[Hb2003 in reply to Hb2003]

My uncle had to take a break from staying in France he went to Germany too see my aunt my whole family is Algerian

[Jeff1943 in reply to Hb2003]

If the will was there we could give everybody in the world a job, a decent place to live and access to medical care and education. We have the technology and money to do it. Then people wouldn't have to travel across the world to earn a living. But we'd rather send spaceships to Mars.

[Hb2003 in reply to Jeff1943]

That’s true unfortunately

[Hb2003 in reply to Hb2003]

If only we would give that money to people who need it most like refugees