This might sound weird but please read fully

[Meganholly98]

I moved into a house share about one month ago with my boyfriend and two of my best friends, and honestly I thought living permanently with my partner of 9 month would be the hardest part for me to settle to, we lived together in dorms at uni but it’s a bit different to then having the same address, anyway back in March I started to get anxious about moving in and I kept getting reassured that I’d love it and it’ll be sunshine and rainbows and all that lovely stuff we all love.

But since moving in I can’t do it, the house has become a trigger to my panic attacks, they’re horrible I’m on a course of antidepressants but for now they’re so severe and scary for those who are around me when I have one.

I love coming home to my actual home and being here with my partner, it’s become a safe zone where it’s okay for me to be down and anxious and upset but going there just completely shuts me down, I’ve recently been diagnosed as severely depressed and anxious and I haven’t told them as of yet.

We were only going to stay until may of next year until a family member said to me well what could that do to your mental health?

Everyone I’ve spoken to have all told me to move back home just to pack up and leave, we’ve signed a contract and we have to tell them 2 month before but we don’t start rent until September after our first student loan payment.

I know this has been a lot to read and take on and I’m sorry it’s such an epic but I can’t stop playing scenarios over in my head. They have their own personal mental issues and I don’t want to hurt them but obviously not being honest will hurt them two.

I hope someone can help with just some advice also thank you if you read all that it means a lot ❤️

[thatjuanguy]

What about it is triggering the panic attack’s?

[Meganholly98 in reply to thatjuanguy]

Honestly I don’t know just going back, it stresses me out being in that house and sharing with them, I love them to pieces I really do but I just can’t live with them, I feel like I can’t be ‘myself’ when I’m there like if I’m having a down day I worry that they’d get funny with me. My brain just doesn’t settle no matter how hard I try I just can’t stop it i feel so stuck in my own head when I’m there and being there just doesn’t help at all with anything because of how they are I’m quite a neat freak and they aren’t and that stresses me out and they want to move at like 1000 mph and I just can’t, hope that makes sense z

[thatjuanguy]

It makes sense but why are you so sure the would make fun of you?

[Meganholly98 in reply to thatjuanguy]

Not that they’d make fun but we used to have a mutual friend that they cut away from because she was ‘toxic’ to their mental health because she was going through a hard time & now I am I don’t want them to label me as ‘toxic’ because I’m struggling

[thatjuanguy]

I hate to say it but friends who aren’t willing to help you aren’t really your friends. And a toxic person is in control of they do people with mental health issue are not always in control. Friends should lift you up when you fall not walk away

[Meganholly98 in reply to thatjuanguy]

That’s what I’m hoping they’d do is lift me up but from how they were with the other girl it’s scared me to speak up about it, I don’t want to drag their mental state down but I need to save mine and moving out is the only way I can fully start trying to save myself, I just don’t want them to be cruel to me

[thatjuanguy]

My advice (not a professional) is to talk to them about it before moving because if they aren’t going to lift you up you will know and then can move out knowing you need to be away from them instead of wondering if they would have accepted and helped you. You are not responsible for other people’s mental state we are all responsible for our own.

[Meganholly98 in reply to thatjuanguy]

I will do, I just really want out of that house I can’t carry on pretending I’m happy to be there. I hate feeling stuck

[Agora1 in reply to Meganholly98]

Jevs98, as long as you feel stuck, you will feel anxious. Anxiety feeds on being in that position. To lower your stress level, you need a plan and you need to move forward on it. If you move out, I would assure you that you would almost have an immediate release of stress. That's not saying that something else won't replace it. You need to take care of YOU. All important. BUT...you have to accept the consequences that may come with any decision you make.

Difficult spot to be in but I stand behind you and know that you will do the best for yourself. Stay strong, Stay positive, Stay well. xx

[Meganholly98 in reply to Agora1]

I know something will definitely come of it whether they’re understanding or difficult, but it’s just what it’s gotta be for years I always put myself second and without sounding selfish I need to stop doing that!

Hope you’re well xx

[Agora1 in reply to Meganholly98]

The time has come...Jevs must come first again. You deserve it. xx

[Meganholly98 in reply to Agora1]

I need to do it I’ve always put everyone before myself and it has to stop xx

[thatjuanguy in reply to Meganholly98]

Feeling stuck is not fun. You gotta do what’s best for you whatever makes comfortable and happy it’s how we get through these things

[Meganholly98 in reply to thatjuanguy]

Definitely! I need to start looking after myself before my mental health got this bad I thought life was easy even though I still had a slight niggle of depression every now and then I need to care for myself now

[thatjuanguy in reply to Meganholly98]

Exactly if you want happy thoughts you have to make happy memories and when it’s about where you go home to you NEED to be happy an comfortable

[Meganholly98 in reply to thatjuanguy]

That’s what everyone says to me! You’ve gotta have a safe stable and comfortable environment around you to start the road to get better

[Rpan]

Don’t get hung up on that your environment is creating this distress. Working through this time with your friends can have a lasting affect on your sense of wellbeing. We create our own anxiety/panic. It’s how we perceive the circumstance that gets us in trouble. Discuss this with them, see if you all can set boundaries that won’t trigger you. I wouldn’t just leave without trying to find some comfort in this circumstance.

[Meganholly98 in reply to Rpan]

Believe me I haven’t, there’s so many more factors that have affected me, the house was just the icing on the cake, I’ll definitely be discussing all this with them I won’t just walk out I couldn’t do that to them, but I’ll just have to be stern in saying my mental health comes first