Struggling to cope

[Roukaya]

I find myself struggling to cope

I live by myself in England I have no one

All I have is an elderly Mother who is demanding and puts all her worries on me

I wonder if there is anyone willing to listen

[marydoll1963]

hi Rukaya

life can be so hard sometimes

I can listen to you

mary

I'm in Scotland

[Roukaya in reply to marydoll1963]

Thank you

How are you

How are you managing in self isolation

[Narwhal10]

Hi Roukaya,

I’m sorry to hear you are struggling to cope. It’s good that you can admit it and ask for help. It is difficult if you are on your own and feel like you have no one. This can be a very challenging time for many of us especially those who live alone. How are you spending your days or time ? Are you able to go to the shops or for a little walk ?

Am I correct in saying that you are loyal and empathetic towards your Mother to a certain degree but her projecting her negative energy towards you is draining ? Do you feel it’s a one way relationship? She talks and you listen with her not listening or asking how you are?

Sorry if asking lots of questions is a little intense. Emotional resilience is a skill, it can be learnt and being able to say NO to maintain your own personal boundaries is a powerful tool. 😊

[Roukaya]

Good morning

I hope you are well

I think you have understood the issue

Since I have cared and managed my Fathers Estate I now myself having to start from scratch at the age of fifty

I would like to retrain in Wills and Probate but I struggle after three years to pass the exams and find a years work experience

My Mother who lives overseas puts all her worries on me

I have absolutely no one in UK

Yesterday she rang about ten times

It is difficult to rationalise with someone who puts her own needs and feelings first

I expect because I struggle myself and when she puts her worries on me then Zi realise there is a limit I can take

How are you managing in self isolation

How do you distract yourstlf

[Roukaya]

I wonder why you have decided to delete your reply

[Roukaya]

I wonder why you have decided to delete your reply

[Narwhal10]

Hi Roukaya,

I’m sorry it must be a difficult and challenging situation for you. I am not a trained counsellor, therapist or health professional which may or may not be appropriate for you at this time. You might need this extra support at this testing time. Only you can judge that.

I can appreciate that your mother phoning you ten times in a day can put a huge strain on you and it’s normal to have knee jerk reactions. I don’t know you or your mother. I don’t know if you speak to her each time. But the objective here is to remain calm. When we are anxious our breathing is shallow so if you are able to breath using your tummy muscles and slowly that helps. You could also count.

Also, the way I deal with a majority of difficult situations is I write a letter/email which I am never going to send. It ALLOWS me to get rid of my emotions, time passes and I delete as I no longer feel like that.

Thank you for asking about my health, my body doesn’t work properly but I’m still smiling. 😊

[Roukaya in reply to Narwhal10]

Thank you for being kind enough to reply

I think it is best you do the best you can given your health

I have spoken to my Mother this morning but she does not call me so often as before

I said I struggle to pass struggle to find employment and when I hear if your worries I struggle to cope

How do you pass your day

I will go out for a short walk this afternoon

I realise I need to take full responsibility for my own life

[Roukaya]

I can honestly say I did not see any of your replies

I may have many failings but I am not rude or offensive

[Roukaya]

I can honestly say I did not see any of your replies

I never meant to cause offence and I apologise if you thought I was rude by not answering

I am not that kind of a person

[Roukaya]

I simply did not see your reply otherwise I would have answered

There is a crisis taking place in the world I never meant to cause offence

[Narwhal10]

Roukaya,

I believe in being kind and gentle to yourself, so maybe that FULLY taking responsibility for yourself may be too big a task for now. For some just getting through the day is enough.

Yes, it is a difficult time to gain employment and trying to study when anxious is harder.

Now did I read correctly that you are a Muslim ? And pray 5 times a day ? It is good to have faith.

I meditate several times a day, I’m not a Buddhist but I do enjoy the simple things in life. I like watching French dramas and I love looking or being in nature. When I can I do tai chi or yoga.

What is your favourite season ? I love the sunshine so it’s summer for me ☀️

[Roukaya in reply to Narwhal10]

I like Spring and also Autumn

Thank you for asking

I speak near fluent French

My first Degree in French German snd Politics

I am a Muslim by faith and our prayers are a form of meditation

I hope you spend your day well

[marydoll1963]

I am trying to keep myself busy was a bit down a couple of days ago also my husband is feeling down as he has an uncomfortable eye infection if it doesn't get better by thursday the doctor will need to see it

What are you up to

[Roukaya in reply to marydoll1963]

I hope you are well

I am sad to here you are down

It is best to sort out the eye infection of your husband before it gets worse

I studied a little and went for a walk towards the Cathedral and walked home through town

I have not been out at all since 23rd March and even though my Mother says to stay indoors I went for a brief walk

I hope i you our day is ok

[Narwhal10]

Wow you are a very intelligent lady. You say your first degree, what else have you studied ?

Yes praying is a form of meditation and connecting to God/Allah/Buddha can bring many peace. Spring is lovely when the days start getting longer and it’s a time of renewal or rejuvenation. Seeing the flowers, trees bud and animals coming out of hibernation. Do you have a garden ? Or is there a park near by ? Have you been for a walk yet ?

I had to have a sleep and then I drove to the post box and shop to by some essential food!! Does ice cream count ?

May I ask where your mother is in the world ? And what language you speak to her ? I’m just curious and you never have to answer any of my questions.

😊

[Roukaya in reply to Narwhal10]

I hope you are well

I live in U.K. and my Mother is based in Mauritius

My parents separated and she went back

I was born and educated in UK

My first Degree in French German snd Politics

I studied Post Graduate Law but did not obtain the training to become a Lawyer

I then cared for my elderly Father and ran his property business

As his only child the immense responsibility fell on me snd this has impacted on my ability to find employment to re enter the job market after a long

absence

Also given my own mental health issues I struggle to obtain the Diploma

I think I am very concerned about my Mother but when she puts all her worries on me this causes my anxiety to get worse

I went out for a short walk today to get some fresh air

I have not been out since 23rd March and my Mother insisted I do not go out at all

But after yesterday and today I decided to walk towards the Cathedral and walk home

It helps just to get out and escape my thought pattern

I always speak to my Mother in English

My French is adequate and not fluent

But I can get by especially when I visit France

The weather is incredibly beautiful as I noticed herb walking about

It makes you see life in a very different way

I hope you enjoy your ice cream

My Father loved his ice cream

He would enjoy each and every spoonful even though he was diabetic

He was a bit of a Rebel

[Narwhal10]

Roukaya, I am touched that you ask about me and I did giggle when you said about your father being a rebel eating ice cream. I know very little about Mauritius maybe you’d like to educate me about it ?I am impressed by you studying Post Graduate Law even if you didn’t become a solicitor, lawyer or barrister. At this point in your life would you have wanted to be in the legal profession ? I know you wish to return to it - you mentioned wills and probate. (I hope I have that correct). Maybe it’s not just the right time for your Diploma. You can re-evaluate in a few months ? Next Year ? It’s your life and you make the rules which can change.

I know many people have studied and worked hard in a profession then switched careers. I have found this with people who are alternative therapists - acupuncturist, reflexologist, yoga and tai chi teachers. One was a banker, another in sales and a legal secretary.

You did not one but two amazing things, you cared for your father. This is a huge task and there is no respite for carers. You also ran his property business. So, you have so much knowledge and experience. No one can take that away from you. Your business skills, your leadership style and your attitude make up you. It maybe a few years old but it’s similar to once you have learnt to ride a bike then you will always know.

It is natural for you to be concerned about your Mother. Do you think your mother will ever change ? Mine won’t. But we can change. We can be calmer and kinder, be patient and understanding. We can be grounded, so this is where you direct your attention to your feet being on the floor and notice the connection. We generally are too much in our heads as opposed to being in our body. Our minds are like wild horses but our bodies are pretty much stable. Have you ever tried Progressive Muscle Relaxation ?

Do you feel better for walking to the Cathedral ? I don’t know how you feel about going against your mother’s wishes. But the Government does say it’s ok to exercise as long as we are 2 metres away from each other. Stay safe and well.

😊

[Roukaya in reply to Narwhal10]

Good morning

I hope you are safe and well.

Think you for your post.

In reply to your questions, Mauritius is a very beautiful island and I visit when I can.

My Mother even has a small flat a walking distance from the sea and I would stay there from time to time

In fact staying there has been one of my happiest times looking back.

But in Mauritius it is only possible to succeed if you know the right people or have the right connections.

My Mother is a self made entrepreneur and made her life from scratch when she separated from my Father and I have great respect for her achievements.

Beautiful as Mauritius is there are no avenues for me to find employment,

Secondly, I struggle with passing the Diploma in Wills and Probate and finding a years work experience.

I have started to see since the impact of the Corona virus demand for Wills and Probate has increased by 70 per cent

Looking back one of the reasons I did not succeed in finding the training is because law is an elitist profession and part of entry is the caliber of University ,

This why when I stated out I was being

exploited in low wage jobs as a legal clerk

However I moved back to Derby and there my personal responsibilities began

I have been trying with the Diploma and hopefully once the Lock Down is removed I will start to apply for a years work experience and ask to assist with the back log of cases brought on by the Corona Virus

Life sometimes has a way of working out when you least expect it to work

I have been trying for years to find a work placement in Wills and Probate but no success

But given the demand for Wills snd Probate may be there could be an opportunity

I do not know

I hope you are ok

Would you like to explain back ground a little

I hope you are able to manage with the restrictions of Lock Down

[Narwhal10]

Good morning Roukaya,

It is lovely to hear from you again. Mauritius sounds beautiful. I’m really hoping that you are able to get your work experience once this is over.

I can understand the elitist profession, years ago, I was a civil servant, all very boring really but because I could not speak Welsh it was difficult to progress. In hindsight it was not a career for me. I loved the 9 to 5 Monday to Friday aspect though. Then I trained to be a health professional but I really did some damage to my back. I woke up one morning after a very hectic shift and thought oh dear I can barely move. I tried to continue working but it was near impossible. So, I left and with all this COVID I’m pretty glad I did.

When, I was a clinician, I was very interested in alternative therapies as well as Western medicine. I wanted to do my Masters in hypnotherapy. Anyway, because I was ‘too busy’ trying to achieve and learn, I wasn’t looking after me and really noticing that I was ill. Three years ago, I had a huge flare up of symptoms and finally a diagnosis. I’d always been into sport, running, swimming, yoga, squash but during these periods just walking was a struggle. But finally I’m getting some answers.

Do you have any hobbies ? Is there anything that makes you automatically smile ? What are you going to do today.

I’m just going to the post box to send off another blood test. 😃

[Roukaya in reply to Narwhal10]

Hello

I hope you are well.

A Nurse once told my Mother

Health is Wealth. I never quite understood this until the impact of Covid 19 swept the world.

I think the back injury you have sustained must have caused you serious discomfort and pain.

With a diagnosis, hopefully a cure and remedy can be found.

It is interesting that you are into alternative therapies.

When I used to live in London I would visit the Mind, Body and Spirit Exhibition at Olympia. A true treasure of all spiritual treatments.

I have heard Ayurvedic Medicine is particularly good, may be this is something you could consider.

You gave me some useful advice when talking to Mum in trying to keep grounded and calm.

I noticed you enjoy outdoor sports

I quite like swimming and anything to do with the sea.

Next week will be the start of Ramadan and the hours in UK are quite long,

I normally spend Ramadan in Mauritius as the hours are shorter.

I normally find the fasting gets easier after the first few days.

Prayer and belief have always played a central role in me and my Mothers life.

As I said a very independent little lady and very dynamic and capable.

You said what makes me smile ?

It has to be Peter Rabbit and Winnie the Pooh.

Peter Rabbit very mischievous 😏 he reminds me of my Father

Always getting into trouble.

Before he became ill , he was always busy.

I asked him, why do you waste peoples time, he would say that is what I do best

So it is all the characters of Beatrix Potter and Winnie the Pooh that make me smile.

I will try to study today more on Wills and Probate as I keep narrowly missing the pass mark.

How will you spend your day ?

In any event , I hope you have a successful day

[Sin_]

I'dbewillingtolisten if you need someone to talk to

[Roukaya]

Good morning

How are you

How are you managing with the self isolation and Lock Down

[Hidden in reply to Roukaya]

No ones doing good, with isolation, it is a very hard thing to do. Lonely, scared, missing loved ones, and friends. But if want to get rid of this we have to cope with isolation some way. I been though the Vietnam Nam war, Soviets trying to drop a bomb on us, polio, TB but this is far worse, We just avoided places, some build shelters. But no one was in isolation.❤️

[Narwhal10]

Hello,

There’s lovely about Winnie the Pooh and Peter Rabbit. Both are lovely, fun characters but with different personalities. Yes, Peter is mischievous and it’s lovely that you liked him to your father. You like water too. I do not live far from water, on a day like today it is stunning with the sun shimmering on it.

I do agree with health is wealth and also knowledge is power. I’m into hypnotism and the subconscious mind. 🤓.

I know it is not the norm for you to spend Ramadan here but I hope it will be okay for you. You do sound like your mother - dynamic and capable. Maybe you do not realise how strong you are.

I have recently started getting dizzy spells if I stand up for more than 15 minutes so, I do lots of lying down. Maybe next week it’ll be different - I don’t know. But I am just about to watch a French film, I’ll have a shower later, do some more meditation. sit outside for a bit. and eat !!!

A bientot

[Roukaya]

Good Afternoon

I hope you recover from your dizzy spells. Hopefully your blood test can determine the root of this.

I wish you a pleasant day ahead

[Narwhal10]

I’m so sorry I haven’t replied - didn’t see your post until now.

How has your day been ? Have you studied ?

I get dizzy spells most days now but I did go and sit in the park at about 6 pm to get some sunshine.

Did you walk to the cathedral again ? I hope you have eaten. Is there anything particular you like to cook or eat ? I love cooking and eating.

Have you spoken to your mother today ? I hope she and you are well.

I’ll write again tomorrow. 😀

[Roukaya]

I hope you are well.

Thank you for asking.

I had a telephone appointment with an Employment Adviser and I was emailed a copy of the Mock Exam Paper which will be marked.

Very kind of you to ask

I prepared a curry made with quorn mince and I had this with a soft tortilla wrap,

It is interesting that you like to cook

Which food do you like to cook

I quite like Indian cuisine and Chinese cuisine but my Mother is an amazing cook

Which kind of foods do you like

I did not go out to the Cathedral today but often when my Father was alive and when I needed a place of solitude and quiet reflection I would often go and sit and collect my thoughts

I wish you a peaceful evening

[Narwhal10]

Morning,

Hope you slept well. I usually am awake at 5.30 - it’s lovely watching the sunrise.

How was the telephone appointment and have you looked at the mock paper yet ? When is the deadline for it ?

Your curry sounds lovely. Are you vegetarian ? My favourite food is Japanese, I’m a bit limited in what I can cook at the moment and I’m starving all the time. It’s to do with being ill but in a few months I’ll be better 😃.

What are you hoping to do today ? In the morning, I get up and write on a white board the things I’d like to achieve and tick them off. At the moment it’s just simple things like shower and brush my teeth, wash the dishes, meditate.

Breaking things down like this can give a sense of purpose, routine and know that you have done something with your day. I also write in my diary my vast and bizarre symptoms.

Take care 😀

[Roukaya in reply to Narwhal10]

Good morning

I hope you are safe and well.

It is nice to hear from you.

You have explained that your illness is causing you to be hungry and also you are experiencing dizzy spells .

I hope that your Doctor is able to monitor your response to treatment and subsequent recovery.

However it is interesting to note your positive outlook to life.

In our religion our Holy Prophet would say

We can only appreciate good health if we have experienced illness

We can only appreciate wealth if we have experienced losses.

I also write things down in a A4 note book

I am thinking of buying A4 stationary with Peter Rabbit but can’t seem to find any A4 notepads with Peter Rabbit.

I have actually visited the Lake District it is incredibly spiritual and peaceful.

How do you intend to spend your day ?

I found the telephone appointment to be helpful with the Employment Advisor , it is a weekly appointment to go through CVs and job seeking strategies

After looking after my Father and managing his Property Portfolio , it was in hindsight a huge task that I undertook and this is why I find it difficult to start again with the studies and finding a suitable work experience placement.

But I will continue to try

In the words of Madonna ;

No matter how much resistance I may face, I will continue to try.

I am not vegetarian but I like all sorts of food.

My Mother is quite ok at the moment.

I think she is such a dynamic little Indian self made entrepreneur and she feels restricted with the limitations of Lock Down

Thank you for asking and I hope today goes well for you.

[Narwhal10]

Hi Roykaya,

How are you ? I like your quotes from the prophet.

That sounds nice about PeterRabbit stationary. If you are unable to find then maybe buy some stickers ?

The Lake District sounds lovely and yes mountains can be spiritual. I’m not too far away from the Breacon Beacons.

I’m just grinning and bearing the symptoms until my blood results come back, I’m definitely not going to bother a stressed out General Practitioner until I can give a very detailed clinical picture.

My positive outlook is I work at it. For me there is a higher power, I am grateful to that Divine source and well I’m just little old me. It like to say it makes me humble but sometimes I forget.

Stay safe

[Roukaya in reply to Narwhal10]

Thank you for reply.

It is interesting to hear that you seem to accept your situation and having trust in a Divine Power.

That is essentially our Religion, every thing is decreed by the will of Allah.

I hope you have a peaceful and restful day.

[GOPAL5]

I want to be your friend.Do not think you are alone.I am ready to listen and assist all your problem.Gopal.

[Roukaya in reply to GOPAL5]

I hope you are well

Thank you for reply

I am ok these days

How are you?

How do you cope with the self isolation and Lock Down?

[GOPAL5]

Thanks dear.How are you now? How are you feeling in such lock down?

[Roukaya in reply to GOPAL5]

I am ok

Thank you for asking

How are managing in the Lock Down

You seem to have an Asian name

Would you willing to introduce yourself a little ?

[GOPAL5]

I am from India,Dear Roukaya

[Roukaya]

I would like to ask how are you managing with the Lock Down in India?

[GOPAL5]

I have to live in home.I like to read the books of History ,as well as Medical Sciences. And you ....?

[Roukaya in reply to GOPAL5]

I hope you are well .

I wonder what had caused your depression

You say you were refused by your friend

I do know how well you knew this friend or what this friend meant to you but try to realise if someone does reject you then someone much kinder will come

I have been rejected by so many

My relatives have caused my the most pain

My Mother is quite understanding

I am trying to requalify in Elderly Care Law since I lost my Father two years ago

I suffer from depression in the sense I keep failing the exam by a few marks and I should kept trying to find a years work experience

It is to do with faith in yourself and in the Almighty

If many reject me as they do I know I my heart God will always protect me from harm and sadness