Hi. Is anyone here from Scotland and been through a divorce? I have decided to divorce my husband. I can no longer live with his violent temper and how he treats my children. I have two daughters, 20 and 18, both university students, so still financially dependent.
I just need to know how to proceed and what I’m facing. He’s a gaslighter. He blames everything on my anxiety disorder and is extremely bitter and mean to me about my mental health.
Thanks xx
I witnessed the brutality of my own parents marriage
They separated when I was studying for my first Degree
You will need to obtain Independent Legal Advice to find out the grounds of your divorce
You will need to find a humane and very capable family law solicitor to negotiate a decent financial settlement
Think about where you will live should you divorce your husband
If your husband knower of your intention to separate this is very likely to escalate to increased Domestic Violence
Essential you protect your health and financial welfare
Also find the costs of a Solicitor on a fixed fee basis and the Solicitor will advise you of all the necessary steps
Do you need to be placed into a Place of Safety ??
I live on the English side of the Scottish Border. If you need to get out, have words with the Police they may be able to help remove you to a supported address.
You can also Try NHS Information they may be able to advise. Tel 111.
There are various web pages that can help Women who are having problems with their Partners
You need a Solicitor to get things off the ground.
BOB
Hi Bob. I am safe in the house - he has a horrible temper and the only acts of violence have been like punching a wall, and he once stamped on my youngest daughter’s phone and destroyed it. He’s grabbed me a couple of times, but never hit me. It’s his outbursts I can’t stand. He’s generally unkind, mean and hard hearted. He’s being very quiet today because he knows he is being a complete dick (sorry) and my eldest daughter ignored him all day yesterday. But it won’t take long till he goes back to his usual self.
I will never be able to look back on my life and say he was “there” for me with my battle with Generalised Anxiety Disorder and depression. His only attitude has always been impatience. And the more anxious I get, the more agitated I become and that’s when he gets really, really mean. I have no respect for him. I’ve totally failed my beautiful daughters by staying with him this long.
All I can do is hang on till this pandemic is passing and I can get a good lawyer. It’s extremely hard because he’s at home all the time working just now. X
You need to consider your needs and expectations, of not only you, also your Children.
It is unfortunate you are unable to discuss with CAB or a Divorce Lawyer at this time.
Generally my Solicitor is working in restricted form at the moment and they have given me a telephone number to call them, they must be working from home. So if you wish to go down the track to Separation you will need to bite your lip. Until we get back to some form of normality.
When did all this start has it been caused by this Lock-down?. Many families are going through a great amount of stress been stuck between four walls.
Is He having problems regards His job, many people are really hitting the floor hard at the moment, that could also be a problem staring you both in the face.
We have been married now for over forty years and sometimes we have tiffs, although they are not violent and we can sit down and sort things out
When all sorts out would a Marriage Guidance Centre not help you and husband in some form of context, that may help you both understand each others needs and expectations in your Marriage
Keep a hold
BOB
It’s been like this for some time.....long before the lockdown. We will be married for 23 years this October. I was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder about 15 years ago. I also have health anxiety and depressive episodes. It started after I had PND after our youngest was born. He was hopeless and no help. Just put on his blinkers and ignored that I was drowning. He’s a very rational, scientific person - so he has little time for irrationality. He’s also really arrogant. His dad is an arrogant bully and ironically, my husband gets so upset with his dad for being that way, yet he’s just the same! I don’t know what I was thinking when I married him, I really don’t.
His job is all good, thanks. Just working from home. He works in Pharma and gets his ego boost from that everyday. My eldest has had to come home from uni, which has just made things harder, because they don’t get along. She normally lives with her boyfriend in student accommodation. She didn’t want to come home here, because of my husband, but had no choice.
It’s a beautiful day here. He’s outside sanding a garden bench, my girls have gone out for a walk and I’m sitting here sobbing. I’ve just had enough and I don’t feel I can take anymore. The longer this lockdown and pandemic goes on for, the worse it’s going to be in my house. I’ve lost all hope that life can be better and anything good will come of all this, x
hi if you have a safe place to go you can get an interdict out preventing him from coming near you or phoning.
I'm not from Scotland, but I do know what exactly you're going through. I went through it for 13 years myself. I don't know your husband so I try not to put a title on people; however, just from my experience this sounds like Narcissism. There are lots of good books and articles about narcissism. My favorite book is "How to Disarm a Narcissist." Again, I'm not saying that's what he is but the signs there SOUND similar. You will need a good attorney, took my ex 3 years to stop playing games. Hopefully, you won't have to deal with that. Sorry! Hope this helps.
I’m sorry you’ve been through this too 😞. I am inclined to agree with you about the narcissism. He wants respect and has a big ego, but the more he acts like a horrible moron, the less respect he gets, so he acts up even more. He thinks he’s right about everything and he has the opinion that nothing is wrong with him. He definitely has anger issues, but that’s everyone else’s problem, not his. When I’m at my worst with the anxiety disorder, he loses his temper really quickly and often tells me I’m “ridiculous” or “irrational”. He just doesn’t get it and he won’t do anything to improve himself.
Sometimes I hate him so much I can’t breathe. And we’re stuck in this pandemic and I’m so frightened as it is. I feel terrible today because I’m so tired and depressed. I can hardly speak to my poor daughters. I’m so drained 😞
Depression from Divorce
My First Post: Going Through A Divorce.
Divorce, depression, and anxiety 
To anyone going through a divorce
Courage to ask for a divorce....
