Mum is shielding but I think it's taking it's toll.

[Philjc]

Since about march 16th my aged mother (81) has been self isolating, she doesn't have coronavirus symptoms but is self shielding to prevent risk.

I have been furloughed and off work since 23rd.

I am the only other person in the household, my siblings will bring things to the porch and leave for me to pick up and I can infrequently visit local stores for incidentals.

I am distancing from others and when at home, sitting well away from my mother.

Since the beginning of the month my mother will have long chatty conversations with anyone on the telephone, it pleases me that she makes conversation and is still bright as a button when discussing things with others, but with me, living in the same house, she tends to only speak in words of one syllable, then stop speaking to me.

I keep questioning ( both in my head and by asking her) if I've done anything wrong.

A typical conversing goes:

Hi mum are you ok? Yes.

Do you need anything? No.

Anyone phoned? No!

What's matter you seem a bit sharp? No.

Oh, ok.

Then she'll sit doing wordsearch or tapping away on her iPad for well over an hour.

Maybe I'm boring, or something has caused offence, then I start suspecting something's wrong with her as I can't elicit a conversation, until next time someone phones and then she's fine again.

[Agora1]

You have done nothing wrong Philjc... I think your mom is just self reflecting

on the times right now but yet not want to be reminded every minute that

something is wrong. As a mother, she wants to be the strong one, the protector

as she always was for her children. And yet, because of age and circumstances

beyond her control, she may not want to be reminded in how fragile she is at this

time.

This has been such an incredible fearful time for everyone that we all need our

space. It doesn't mean she cares for you less, loves you less or that you did something

wrong. Wishing both you and your mother well. xx

[Philjc in reply to Agora1]

Spot on with that reply, firstly I'd forgotten that it would have been her mum's birthday today.

Also hadn't realised that although she's got contact with my siblings she's missing being able to meet with them or do anything for them.

[Lundynn]

Hi Philjc!

I hope things get better. I agree with Agora1. Whatever is going on with your mum is not reflective of you. You are there for her and offer support. I am guilty of becoming livelier when the phone rings. I think it’s reasonable to talk more enthusiastically over the phone. Sometimes I may say very few words some days with the people living with me. I love them, and they don’t take it personally because this is what I usually do. Maybe you can start an exciting conversation that requires more than a one-word answer. Your mum seems pretty savvy since she has an I-Pad. Perhaps you all can work on some crossword puzzles together.

[Philjc in reply to Lundynn]

Oh she's definitely ok on the iPad.

I'm certain it's kept her brain going,

I replied to Agora1 that I'd realised it would have been Nana's birthday today, that's probably why it was compounded and more noticeable today.

Thanks. x.

[Hidden in reply to Philjc]

I agree with others answers. But. Also I think it’s important, that even though your younger, You still need some support yourself. It must be very isolating for you too. And you as sole inhouse carer ., Will need to keep your spirits up. For your mum and yourself. Maybe if you had a talk with mum and told her how you feel you have done something wrong or feel lonely yourself, and explain why. I can’t see this would upset her as she seems very aware Take care x and good luck 😉

[terriltwin2]

My mother is the same age. She lives with my twin sister and my twin sister has said the same thing to me. I assure you that it is not anything that you have done wrong. I told my sister that when you live with someone and now with this COVID-19 isolation stuff going on, it's just different. It's on a different level. They spend a lot more time with you guys and the others that they get to talk to , they don't do that as often. I think living with a parent at their age is so challenging and we worry over them so much, but the most impressing part to me is how you are taking care of her. I think that is awesome. Kudos to you. You just be there for her. Be present for her and just let her know ( which I am sure you do ) that you are there if she needs to talk or if she needs anything.

[Junella]

I sort of cringed when you called your mother "aged" at 81 (my age). It sounds like she is doing well keeping in touch with others. I need to do that. I had been exercising regularly until I got an ordinary virus from the gym 6 weeks ago and haven't been out since. My husband waits on me a lot and goes to the store as needed. We are together constantly and sometimes I get bored with his repetitive comments, stories, etc. So I just don't talk much. It's due to too much close contact in isolation and not him. I am so thankful for him. But talking to my old friends by phone perks me up.

[Junella]

I sort of cringed when you called your mother "aged" at 81 which I am. I have been in for almost 6 weeks when I caught an ordinary sinus virus at the gym where I had been exercising. My husband is with me and gets groceries and waits on me a lot. I am so thankful for him. However, I get bored by his chatter, repetitive comments and stories. I don't respond a lot. Maybe it's mild depression. It's just so much time in close isolation with each other. But when I get a phone call from an old friend, I perk up.

[Junella]

Sorry for the repeat I didn't think I had saved the first note and redid it when I couldn't find it on here.

[Philjc in reply to Junella]

Thank you for your kind response, the term "aged" , I find it nicer than "elderly" or "old" , (like a fine wine or mature cheese.) 🙂