Hi I am new here. I don't know what say what not say. But I am not feeling good and have been sad from long time. I suffer from anxiety and panic disorder and depression. It started when my grandma passed away. She was everything to me. A friend, my family, my mother, she raised me up, she was my only support system and I relied on her for every single thing. From changing my nappies as baby to sending me to school college and work packing my lunches, watching movies with me, taking trips and anything or everything. Intially when I use to get panic attacks It was a new feeling for me. I thought I was just sick simply because I missed her terribly. Later when the frequencies increased I took some counseling and medical treatment but not actively. I failed to make my family and friends understand how I felt and what was happening to me. It was puzzle for me too. I was diagoned with separation anxiety and then GAD, panic disorder and depression. Panic attacks became a major part of my life and ceased all my day to day activities. Even Getting out my room to go the kitchen seemed like the most difficult task for me. I got trapped in my room and stayed there for weeks. I lost my job, my friends and all the hope. My counsellor wasn't too helpful too. I live in India and people don't really take mental health quite seriously and often refrain to talk about it. It makes it even more difficult to share your feelings with them. I have been struggling with this from around five years now. Sometimes its better and sometimes it just feel like locking myself up in the closet and just cry and cry. I now run a small cafe and spend all my time here cooking for people. It has helped to an extent but I am still not able to go out freely or meet people outside my space. I stopped travelling long back. Don't even know when was the last time I went to a theatre to watch a movie or for shopping. My family helps me with the outside things but I feel trapped in this limited where I live in. I want to go out and do all the things and enjoy like everyone else does but I always have the fear of another panic attack and when that happens it takes me days to get back on my feet. I literally dont have anyone to talk about it. And I don't know what to do anymore to fix it. I fell I am aimless and have no purpose. If someone can guide me what I can do to change my life and come out of this horror then it wud really helpful.
It's taking me down. I need help - Anxiety and Depre...
It's taking me down. I need help
Welcome to the site! I'm so sorry you have to deal with this ugly disease, it sure is a challenge. I feed my mind with positive thoughts, I find this to be very helpful as positive breeds positive, negative breeds negative. Feed all the positive thoughts you can to your brain. I'm here for you wishing you peace of mind. Love, joy, light & hugs!!!
Thank you. It means alot. I am going to try doing that.
It's my pleasure any time! I sure hope it helps you also! Love, peace, joy, light & hugs!!!
Hello Cassiusclay!
I like your name!! I really enjoyed watching him fight back in the day! Now...fighting is what you’re going to have to do to get back to a level of functioning that’s acceptable to you. Your family doing the outside things for you is probably hindering you more than it’s helping you. Why should you fight to do the outside things if you know they’re going to do them for you! It’s probably time to rely on yourself. Your Grandmother equipped you with the knowledge to make it without her. You’ve just got to put it all into practice without her. You can do it if you’re successfully running a small cafe...congratulations!! That’s a big deal! Expound on that courage and strength! Your Grandmother has definitely prepared you and wouldn’t want to see you struggle without her. The circle of life is intact as it should be...you’re going to be ok! 🌺🌞🌺
Thank you .. i am going to try making positive changes. I have never shared all this out loud. It's nice to be able to share it all here. Thanks again
Absolutely!!
Hi Cassisuclay and welcome.
I totally understand the feeling when family just doesn't get it. It has to be even more difficult when few people in society understand what you are experiencing.
Perhaps your psychiatrist can change your medications?
I want to share a youtube video by my favorite online therapist. She discusses all sorts of topics, but this one is about coping skills. Please check out more of her videos.
youtube.com/watch?v=td4LQ2r...
We are always here for you!
Blessings
Thank you so much for sharing the video. I will watch it.
You are welcome, Cassius. If there is anything I can do to help, let me know. 
What a great post, thank you, now I'm going to buy some bubbles & watch them burst, hahaha, I never heard that one before. Love, peace, light, joy & hugs!!!
Buy bubbles....you crack me up. I'm going to be honest right now- I love blowing bubbles!
Haha so do I, that was the one thing I wasn't aware of when I watched the video, boy am I going to have a lot of fun. Thank you again! love, light, peace, joy & hugs!!!
My dogs love chasing bubbles
I can see them now, haha. Our dog used to catch bees, ouch! Love, peace, light, joy & hugs!!!
Bees...oh my!
I know, right? Love, peace, joy, light & hugs!!!
I'm sorry to hear you're going through a hard time. I too was very close to my grandmother and lost her to cancer over 12 years ago, I was heartbroken and still am to be honest. I wasn't brought up by her but but she was the only member of my family who made me feel acceptable as a human being and that's a profound thing when you're growing up. Nothing can replace that loss but hopefully in time you will be able to focus on all the wonderful things she did for you and with you and gradually the pain will give way to happy memories. It's not really surprising that you've never got used to opening up about your feelings as you were brought up by someone of a generation who didn't discuss that kind of thing, even if she was loving and caring as my grandmother was. I don't know the circumstances of why you were brought up by your grandmother instead of your parents but I'm thinking it's a possibility that they were unable to meet your needs, so if that's the case it's understandable that you might not be able to to reach out to them for emotional support but it's good they provide you with some practical help. Different people can help you with different things, as soon as you figure out which those are I'm sure you will find things more manageable. It sounds like you're doing really well if you're able to run your own business but emotional and mental problems are not that straightforward. Go to a doctor to find out what help is available to you and don't be afraid to talk about your feelings on here, we're all here for each other. Your grandmother would be proud of you and you're stronger than you know. I wish you all the best in getting your life back on track. Losing your grandmother has hit you hard but the person who said she's prepared you well is right and she would want you to remember her with fondness and live your life to the full. Good luck x
Thank you. I am sorry I am replying to you late. I have been trying and I don’t know why I just get so scared stepping out. The thought of having another panic or anxiety attack is horrifying and start to get anxious even if I think of going out. It’s feels l am dysfunctional. I booked an appointment with a psychiatrist twice and got scared and cancelled each time. The thoughts are getting negative by each passing day and I feel I have nothing to look forward to. My greatest fear is to be left alone. And it just makes me sad all the time that in the end there won’t be anyone with me. Sometimes I just feel like dying. And that it will all get over if that happens. I am not getting any motivation from anywhere. Whoever I talk to just say it’s in my mind. Anxiety is nothing it will go away and you are just thinking too much but my brain won’t stop :’(
I know how that feels, not agoraphobia but anxiety, depression and suicidal thoughts and feelings. I know you're struggling to pluck up the courage to see a doctor but once things have reached this point you need professional help. Every person, health problem and situation is unique but when it's affecting your life to this extent and you're wishing you were dead you must not delay in seeing a doctor. I've tried counselling twice and psychotherapy but for me the only thing that has helped is medication. I was a nervous wreck and sertraline has calmed me right down, I can cope with things so much better than before. I'm not saying that's necessarily the right thing for you but a doctor can tell you what is, or at least the best place to start. Good luck, be strong and keep in touch with all of us here. You're not alone, we're all here for you and we care about you and want you to be ok x
i hear what you are saying, and you are allowed to mourn... there is not a timeframe, but know she would have loved for you to live life to its fullest, trust she is in your heart! she taught you so much, as you say she had been with you all of your life, rejoice on all her teachings and her love for you. this site is for you to free yourself from the thoughts that linger on your mind, weighing heavy in your heart.
Have you tried journaling? try to write as if you were to send it to your grandma, write your feelings out. sending you a big hug!
So sorry for what you are going through. It can be so hard to get back to a life of joy after so great a loss. With my panic attacks I had to learn not to fear them. A counselor worked with me to face life and to step into another room when they did occur. Allowing them to happen actually lessened the severity and occurrence. It takes practice, but it can be done. As for getting out, try small steps. Come out of the kitchen and visit with customers, even if just for a moment or two. Then try to extend that time. Focus on what is in front of you at the moment rather than what might happen. In time you may be able to venture further into the world with less attacks. Hang in there, do what you can and take care of you.
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