, I've been contemplating to open up to my mother for some comfort and maybe heal a little from some unconditional love..I broke down when I found the courage and strength to approach her with tears in my eyes..my mum looked at me and said not again..just forget everything it will pass...I didn't even say anything ..those were her only words..I was waiting for my mum to ask, what's wrong, so I can open up but she simply went away to continue her chores and I was left hanging for that hug and maybe a chance for a kiss and to exchange the words I love you would have been enough for me..thats all I wanted ..I'm now holding everything inside me still..its just me and the pain from hoping, longing, fighting, trying to overcome this illness..alone..i didn't expect more from mother anyway..I was wrong for hoping ..hope still let's me down..I've always said it's just me and god..I believe god won't let me down despite what I'm going through..I have no one else..sorry for even writing this post.
Forget everything, it will pass - Anxiety and Depre...
Forget everything, it will pass
Me too. Me too. Just me and God. He is the only one I open up to. If I didn’t have him I would be truly alone.
If I didn't have god, I would be truly gone..
Yes, I understand, me too.
Am so sorry that had to happen,that is my fear opening up to my family and they disregard or no understand me but don't give up find an outlet for your emotions, find a trustworthy person again or a therapist, u will get through this ❤
Thanks ...I really thought I would feel much loved than talkling to a stranger .I feel worse. Now that I can't g et close to family
My heart goes out to you & ive experienced same several times- unfortunately but don't giv up entirely in family althought they may not get it for now if they've not experienced it before but they can change there's always some hope!!💞🌻good for you for posting here & here is a much needed hug im sending to you and my prayers as well👏 to help you with peace and hope you need!!
Thank you..I just know now where i stand with family...they've made me an outcast..I had guilt cause I was not close with them but they dont draw me close..so I lm better distant..hurts but I know now..
Hi I am so sorry your mother reacted like that. Unfortunately it is common for family not to understand but maybe it's because they are too close? I don't know. I only know my mother would have reacted similar to yours. In fact I stopped expecting much from my mum when at the age of 14 I tried to talk to her about a hard time I was having. Her response? Said in a firm tone 'I don't want to listen to your problems'.
You have us to talk to and hopefully maybe another family member and/or a friend? x
Thank you..I was never close with my family..they were always treating me as an outcast..i thought it was all my fault for distancing my self..but theyre the ones pushing me away.. theyre the first to put me down though..I tried to open up So i can have closeness and some love but they thrive on me and my illness..they've pushed me away and I'm finally going to accept that and that it wasn't me abandoning the family like they say...
Just because they don't understand your illness and push you away doesn't mean they don't still love and care about you. All it means it they don't understand or maybe don't know how to deal with it.
Don't forget that everyone has their own problems too and can't always spare time or compassion even for family members who are going through mental health issues.
Maybe too your mother feels guilty like it's her fault? Being a mother must come with a lot of guilt attached sometimes. She might be feeling it was her upbringing or your home circumstances which led to your illness? x
Yes I understand..I have my problems but I'm still there for everyone else..my mum is there in my face to put me down and say a million hurtful words non stop but couldn't ask me what's wrong or stay with me a minute when I literally collapsed in front of her?..I don't feel bad she didn't, I feel bad just the thought that if anyone collapsed like I did in from of me it will break my heart..
My mother was the same. Many years later I asked her why she had been so nasty with me. Her response? I was trying to encourage you dear. Yeah right. I asked her why she thought shouting at me would ever achieve anything and she had no answer. I then realised that it was the only way she knew how to deal with her children and that she must have learnt it from her own mother. I also realised that her own childhood (she admitted her mother was very harsh) had probably killed any empathy in her.
It doesn't mean though that you will be the same as both me and one of my sisters have broken the pattern by self awareness and the desire to change.
I well remember an occasion in my 40's when my mother and this sister and I were out at a fete and were sitting down with a coffee. My mother suddenly said she had been having dreams and sometimes wondered if she had been right in the past. My sister was sympathetic and encouraged her to talk. Me? I felt a strong feelings of disgust and anger and walked off. I told my sister later about this and said that I don't care tuppence that she has suddenly become a bit self aware as it's far too late! I am still angry thinking about it even now. x
Thank you for understanding and sharing....I'm 43 and just think how much this part has affected me and that I'll be scarred for the rest of my life..and the guilt once they go etc..I'm just abit messed up and hope to sort it..
You always feel guilty when a loved one passes as it goes with the territory no matter what you do. I never cut my mother out of my life despite many temptations but did keep her very much at arms length. When she was very old and in a care home I was there a lot and we had sort of a new relationship. She finally realised that I understood her very well and said something which had me gobsmacked. She said 'You are nothing like your father are you'? She had always hated him and told me all my life I was like him and secretive and sly etc. and had all his bad qualities so this was a big deal.
I am glad I didn't cut her out of my life coz I couldn't treat her the same as she had me as I knew kindness and compassion having learnt them in the wide world. I knew better and I felt good about myself.
Whilst this was right for me it isn't necessarily for others and everyone has to make their own decisions. x
yep!....exactly what my mother said....and a lot more too....very dismissive and cruel. The only one I can count on to get me better is me....nobody can fix us, nobody can change because we want them to....only we can change our attitude of what we can do to get better.....
My heart goes out to you my friend ❤️ love to you. Saying a prayer for you.
Thank you..thanks alot..
(((((((((((Gentle Hug))))))))) you are a beautiful soul
Thank you..I feel the gentle hug..
You are such a very special person 💕
First off no need to say you're sorry! I'll be your mom!!! I can feel your pain as my dad never bothered with me. The pain can be so deep when we are rejected as children, I'm giving you a HUGE HUG right now!!!! Love & Prayers!!! XXX
Thank you..I feel the hug..thank you
I'm here for you!!! I've got your back!!!! Love & Hugs!!! XXX
Hey Ellinaki,
I’m so sorry to hear that distance from your family, I too live in similar circumstances. My father passed away when I was 16 and he was my support blanket. My everything. It has been an incredibly tough journey for me but I feel as though I have grown and matured throughout the years and hopefully this will be the case for you. You have to seize the day and acknowledge the good parts of your life. Your physical health, your age maybe, the potential you have to do anything you want to - this life is yours and you only get one.
Learn not to rely on or expect anything from anyone. You can do it on your own, although reaching out to genuine friends, family, strangers, counsellors, medical professionals and helplines has been a great help for me. You also need to encapsulate the frame of mind you WANT to have. The illness might take over your thought process and feelings but you can reclaim it with strength and determination and support.
We as a community are here for you! Pm me if you’d like to talk. I’m here for you xxx
Thank you..thanks alot for your wise advice..
Nobody but this disease lets us down really....like you said...you didn't expect much from your mother.... and your not alone if your writing here..there are lots of us who understand about looking to a parent to show us compassion...but some of them just don't have it to give...ultimately you have to do the work yourself to get better and feel better...
Thank you..yes..I'm doing the work..
I had an abusive mother....seriously abusive....and all I wanted from her was to be loved and acknowledged for what I tried to achieve....sadly....40 years down the road and after a lot of therapy.... I learned that she was never going to change....and my heart was again broken but for different reasons....it's because I knew I had to let go of the hope that she would actually be a real mom like I had heard so many talk about having. And I was told that as long as I still held out hope for her to change, I would never move on. They were right....and it took another 10 years for me to finally walk away....and now I am free....one less thing in my life that held me back from loving myself, knowing I am a good person, and knowing I have a brain and can do good things with it.
Accept your mother for who she is, and that it's all she can give, and you will begin to believe more in yourself as being able to move passed this and work towards what you want in this life....even with anxiety and depression....we can live full and reasonably happy lives.
Yes I am coming from where you have been..it's not about her..I am 43 and I am realising what you have said juat now...I want that full life...family or not.. thank you for understanding..alot of my sadness stems from here...I just want to be happy
it is like draggin a 10 ton weight up hill, an it's round so it keeps rolling back down, it's frustrating and exhausting...eventually you just let it go...so you can move forward.
Listen to faux....So Wise!!! XXX
Yes that's my fear ..that I will be scarred..and then then the guilt..I'm preparing to move forward afraid maybe if the consequences..
I was manipulated by fear and guilt. My mother would put fear in me with guilt tripping and being overly critical of everything I did, so I was always afraid of making a mistake, or not pleasing her in some way. I was still so desperate as a kid and young adult to have my mom love me and tell me I was doing a good job. Which all of that is normal for any kid to want from a parent. But when you have a parent who does not have it in them to love or acknowledge their own....then that kid has the feeling that they must not be a very good person, and not good enough, cause they could not make their parent happy. My mother was the master at manipulation and knew how to guilt trip me like no one could. Now I am no longer in harms way...and no more looks of disappointment, or guilt trips, or temper tantrums she was famous for. But I'm scared for like, no matter how old I am, it will always effect me in some way....as with many of us here....it wasn't our fault...no matter what they say to us.
Yes that's how Ive been treated..I can't believe the manipulation and the guilt trips...being a male I feel hopeless, unworthy, not man enough, no dignity, and a weak male ego..not man enough..everything has been destroyed in me..I thought I was not a good son but couldn't figure out why..now though I just realised it's not me with everyone's help on here..and am afraid and lost with no life skills or confidence..and moving forward in life I will carry this with me by the sounds of it..all this consumed my youth and adulthood..I just want to leave..I'm happy to face whatever comes as long as I break free..
You were man enough to open your heart here...and your man enough to admit you want to accept help....many men would never do that...and I find that very inspiring that your able to do that here. Your also safe here, I have a number of good guy buddies here that know where your coming from, and have also had very bad relationships with their moms or dads. The first real help I got with this was from a group called ACOA...now the name stands for adult children of alcoholics, but it also is for adult children from dysfunctional family's. As the same kind of emotional abandonment and detachment happens to kids. Meaning...the parents are so caught up in themselves....one way or another, that they don't bother being at least decent parents. In my case my mother is a sociopath. Most like her are Narcs....which includes addicted parents being caught up in their addictions to the point of neglecting their childrens basic needs.
You may want to look up 'Abandonment Issues'.....there is now a lot of good data on the internet that will help you with the professional reference's and also get good definition and guidelines for recovery.
Aww that’s just broken my heart for you . It reminded me of certain people who USED to be in my life ...
I think i learnt very quickly who is good to talk to and be understanding and who is awful and made me feel even worse .
And remember if you need professional help to seek it x
And also that we on here are always here for u as much as we can be and you can always talk here 💕
Thank you for understanding...yes I've met beautiful people on here and I thank everyone for their support for each other...
I understand the fear of opening up to family I myself understand I hope that she can come around eventually
Thank you..I don't expect anything from my mum...I'm sorting my self out
Thank you..Yes it's exactly what I'm doing..I'm doing the work on/ for myself..I thought it was me all this time..but I was just the victim and more..I'm realising alot now and getting answers..
we do blame ourselves as kids and even as adults why our parent does not or is incapable of showing us love or acknowledgement. And it leaves us with low self esteem and sad and many times broken. These scars are sometimes very deep and never really heal. We can however with good therapy and lots of sharing and writing, begin to heal somewhat. We can become our own advocate, and find our own loving family, learn to like and even love ourselves....and trust is going to have to be earned. Trust with me is a big issue, I don't trust very easily...but in time....I do.
Hi ellinaki!
I can’t help but feel that if maybe you had said a little more to your Mom and communicated an urgency to the matter, that maybe she would have been a little more attentive. But, I don’t know that. Can you not tell her that you need a hug? Even if she’s not open and communicative, you can be! Effective, open communication is so important to healthy relationships...give it a try! 🤞🏼
Thank you..that was my intention, to communicate...I was obvious as I leaned towards her for a hug..I was obvious with tears in my eyes that I needed to talk and express some love..Ive always tried..it bottled up and that's where I found the courage to try again today..I tried a little harder to break the ice..but I'm ok..I'm working on myself..
Sending you many hugs!! 🙂🌞🙂
I know that feeling. When I first started with this anxiety I would look for comfort from my mom. But I never got it she would look at me like I was just weak. All I ever wanted was just a hug or a kiss on the forehead something to let me know I'm a be ok. But it never happened not till this year. She finally hugged me because she saw how broken I was. I know my mom loves me but it's hard for her to show emotion. She has never really been the loving type of mother. God is here to help you he has helped me alot. Your mom will come around have faith my friend.
Thank you for your understanding..I have no one but god..god bless you..
So untrue!!! You have all of us!!!! Love & Hugs!!! Peace & Joy just for you!!! XXX
Yes your right...I am so greatful for everyone on here and this site..it's unbelievable..everyone is amazing, beautiful, andnrheres so much love going around...god bless everyone..and I wish everyone whatever they wish for..
I understand you...I'm here whenever you need!!! My biggest wish for you is peace of mind & to learn to love yourself!!! XXX
Hello. I can relate to what u have been experiencing. I also struggled to get love from my mom. Neglect and abandonment bc both parents were working or drinking and then later going to church. I always vowed to not be like them, well I turned out worse...
I turned into an alcoholic like them. I got into lots of trouble with the law. I was spiritually disconnecting with God. He has always been with me regardless of what I was doing. Honestly, I could have been dead with as much as I didn’t care and all the depression I had weighing me down. God knows each and everyone of us. He knows all of our experiences. Life happens. People are people.
As I had gotten older and especially now that my mom has been sick and I had been her caregiver, has she opened up to me more about what happened to her. She felt unloved and was always running away from home, looking for love. She felt in having children, a family of her own would fill the void. She later learned that it’s only God. I have learned that it’s only God. But I know that God also wants us to be there for one another. I myself have been the outcast in my family. So many times I would hear about getting over the past. This was coming from my own family. And as messed up as a relationship that I had with my mom, she has been the only one there no matter what.
Her turning her life to God made all the difference in the world. Was she perfect? No. Am I? Far from it. Do I wanna be? No thanks! I am learning to get out of the “I” mentality. Getting stuck in feeling sorry for myself. I am tired of it, but it’s a process.
Counseling has helped, but it’s limited. The counselor I have likes talking about herself and is more of a friend than anything else, which is ok but I want something different.
We have change the way we think so that our Brains change as well. I was reading an psychology article that changing what we are doing kick starts the process. So I would suggest, pick 5 things u want to do and work on doing them. Be realistic and set small things or goals. I will keep in touch and share how I am doing. A ((((big hug)))) to all of u and lots of love.
No one ever said it would be easy, but it’s gotta get done. We have to change! God bless u all! ❤️💕💗🌹🙏
It is a learning process..God bless you..
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