Venting about life

[Kevin160]

I have been feeling ok these past few days , eventhough times are rough im doing ok , i have been getting bad irrational fears like going crazy , i also get physical symptoms of anxiety like many of us here , for me its numbness , and derealization , like im in control of my body, but i just dont feel it, even saying things like that makes me feel really ashamed and weirded out, but i just get these brain fogs, confusion,

I do have alot of triggers and scary irrational fears, think these feelings intensify in times like this where we feel trapped and hopeless, away from support, comfort, and therapy ..the only thing that crosses my mind all the time is that, im not even 20 yet and im this messed up, how worse can it get, will it get worse , is this the beginning thats already unbearable at times, do we get better with time or build up more bad things , memories, experiences ..i feel better at times but sometimes i feel like imdont know myself , psychology is such a vast world and thinking about all the things we dont know is scary to me, and im a very knowledgable person who likes to learn , and i always learn about things that either trigger me or help me get better ..i just dont want to go crazy , because the world and whats in it between some people, some diseases and conditions between mental and physical , sad things going around the world , family and friends , accidents, money , life can be hell sometimes

Sorry for bumming people out , i know life has so many broght sides and im not saying im only focusing on the bad , im just saying it overwhelms me regardless of my point of view as someone with anxiety

My graduation, exams that i took a gap year to retake , and all of my senior events are cancelled , things just dont excite me or make me sad anymore , i want to cry , not that im feeling like i want to, No i literally wish to cry , for some reason i dont have the ability to , i wish that i can let it out but even if i try to, i feel silly or it just doesnt work

Overthinking really sucks , and the fact that we worry about things that didnt happen also sucks because i can live a very calm life , but i worry about rarities and live with things that build my whole fears , making me think that life is designed to be a living hell and every sungle fear should come true and i know its not true but its how it feels sometimes, i can go on but imthink for those who made it thus far are too bored already or tired , not looking fir feedback, doesmt mean its not appreciated , just dont really know whats next but i hope its good

[Witsend8]

You are very young and maybe feeling like you want to know everything. One thing you need to know, is that noone can or will ever know even a quarter of things that we feel we need to in life.

Surely, thats what life is about, ldarning how to deal with anything you planned not working out but learning ways to cope with it. (called normal life im afraid).

I understand depression, overthinking is my forte. It makes things and life get out of proportion.

I tried antidepressants, but hated after they started to work how i had to double doses every.

Im afraid i understand what its like to plan, for it all to be taken away suddenly, but life makes us able to find ways to work around whats going on.

If your exams, can these not be done in safe environments, every place has different decisions. Do lots online exams, measure and carry on learning.

Easy to say i know, much harder to do.

Take care, it will pass . Look at natural things, blue skies, sun, stars moon anything. Deep breath, it all starts to help.

Sorry its long post good luck people are on your side xxx

[Kevin160 in reply to Witsend8]

I guess this makes sense , youre right im still young , im only 19 but i dealt with alot of things and the overthinking is horrible , especially when you start convincing yourself your fears are coming true and start experiencing things that are false , but i do appreciate everything in life, big or small , i was not diagnosed with depression but with anxiety and panic disorder , but recently i started to feel low all the time , and since everything i worked for seems to go wrong like my birthday which i dont care much about but it was in the middle of quarantine , my graduation is cancelled , and the exams i postponed a year to retake , so its a mix of bad luck as well

But Thank you for taking the time to respond

[Witsend8 in reply to Kevin160]

Just try thinking of it as maybe a 'chsnce to learn or listen to whatever you want to for a whole', filter on some 'real work time' for your exams, as they will happen.

Its a chance to have some free space, learn how to cook something new on a regular basis, do a list of what you will do when you are a successful exams passed young man, look to make more money than you spend. Thats the philosophers version of a rich man, anyone who earns more than they will spend.

I do really know how hard it is to do, when you feel as you do, but try to find something you like a lot to get this time to get better soon. Thinking of you, keep safe and take care x

[robbylynnofnm]

Overthinking is so common if you suffer from depression/anxiety, as I do. I am paralyzed by the mistakes of the past and worries for the future sometimes and it's as if each step is mired in mud. Like raising my leg to take my next step I must pull my foot out of a ton of sludge of the past, only to realize I have no idea where I am going? I have to act without regard to how I feel in order to get over "overthinking". If I wait to get out of bed until I feel positive and bouncy and great, well, I would never get out of bed. I have to put my foot over the side of the bed and stand up. The physical action in itself gets me out of bed. Not my feelings. I don't know if I am being clear. Let's see. Um, if you wait to feel confident to do something, you may never try it, or take the risk. But if you just "do it" then you can overcome the feeling of lack of confidence. I "act as if" I am confident when I just do the action. Does that make sense?

When I am desolate over the circumstances of my life. I look around and try to find three things I can be grateful for in that moment. Like right now, I'm in my kitchen, the sun is shining through the window, my cat is peeking at me from the floor and I'm comfortable in my chair. Now the fact that a virus is everywhere and that I'm quarantined doesn't come into my mind when I am looking for three things to be grateful for. It falls into the background. It may sound silly but this "grounding" of my present helps me concentrate on the moment and not the past or future.

I don't expect my feelings to magically change about the past or future. I have grounded myself into the moment. This helps me so much. I learned it through lots of practice from therapy when I was so overwhelmed with the mistakes of my past and my worries over the future. Gradually the sludge clears away and I am walking in the moment and it is clear. When you "think" negative repetitive thoughts, "my life sucks", "I really screwed up my life", "if only I had done this differently I would be somewhere else, or better, or not have to do this shit". ..you get stuck in that sludge and think "what's the fucking point?"

Now I am 54, and you are only 19. If I had learned how to unstuck myself from this "overthinking" at your age, well...it would have saved me so much mindless energy and inertia. Instead of running in place I would have covered more ground. But hey, I am okay. I am happy overall. I haven't had a perfect life but I sure haven't had a rotten one either. So when you get overwhelmed and are overthinking and having repetitive negative thoughts about the past or future try grounding yourself in the moment. I hope this helps. It's really hard to explain but it works for me. Stay safe.

[Kevin160 in reply to robbylynnofnm]

It made so much sense, i cant tell you how good this made me feel, i surely am grateful for everything , throughout this journey not just with anxiety but with everything that happened in my life thus far made me appreciate the little things , and the anxiety and fear solely comes from the fact that it can be all taken away , throughout these past few years from a youngs teen, family fights took a toll on my home life , then my moms cancer diagnosis and hourney, then my parents divorce and so so so much other shit in between , i agree that we shouldnt get stuck on everything and i dont define myself by those moments, but i finally feel like im where i want to be in my life , my family is healing , everyone is starting to talk to eachother again, my mom is healthy thankfully regardless of the frequent scares every once in a while, and i can finally feel peace and safety in my house and most important, care and support , as i said im where i want finally and i feel i can lose it all for some reason and the slightest trigger me , for the past two years everything has been fine but my anxiety journey started to worsen and i lost out on alot , yesthese mistakes or regrets made me learn alot and i wouldnt change them , but its one after another , why cant the good be happening one after another, i know it doesnt work like this but i paid my dues of hardship and bad luck , at school, at home , with friends and family , for my whole life i couldnt catch a break ,so im thankful for everything as simple from the the breaks of deep breaths i get every once in a while that no doctor ever found why i get this chronic shortness of breath , to the simple peace of mind i sometimes get that people take for granted when a panic attack is over , i always fish out the good in every bad thing , otherwise i would rarely get any good .. i try to not care about all the simple things people have andd be envy and be thankful for what i have , its like peoples money or their looks is what im jealous of , but how they sleep at night , dont get chronic migraines , have peace of mind , their family isnt as messed up and they are filled with secrets and lies and everything is so dark and screwed up

I will try to take your advice with everything i do , i apprecate the time you took writing this ❤️