Venting part 2

[Kevin160]

I just wrote part one it would make probably more sense to read that first ..

I also worry about things like becoming Crazy, suicidal, hallucinations, and just losing the feeling of reality ..so i lose my concious mind and start thinking about things that are not rational or real or wont happen ..im just getting much better ..im not feeling the anxiety but i cant afford depression too ..i dont know how i will get through it ..you know im ok now ..i know the right from wrong i know i would never kill myself ..but im saying what if i lose that ability to judge things ..and just get mire triggers.. more panic ..more traumas ..im already screwed up as it is and im 18 ..what will i do if i get into an accident..what if someone i know dies ..my parents.. family...a teacher passed out the other day and i almost felt like im going to faint ..

IM VERY CALM WRITING THIS ..BUT I FEEL LIKE IM FALLING APART ..AND EACH TIME SOMETHING SCARY AND NEW HAPPENS AND I HAVE TO WAIT IT OUT AND HOPE I DONT LOSE CONTROL..I DONT LOSE MY MIND OR DO SOMETHING IM NOT SUPPOSED TO ..I GET BACK STRONGER EVERYTIME BUT WHAT IF..

I do things by accident without concentrating and think ..am i getting closer to forgetting to think ..being reckless and irrational..

Recently im seeing how my life affects my mental health

And i forget things like how much good people i have in my life despite their flaws and problems..when i feel very sad and anxious and then accidently remember that life is good and i have good people around me most times ..this makes me feel scared because what i dont remember that and become suicidal and just focus on the bad side of my life like i mostly do ...and regardless what i try to think ti make myself feek better.it doesn't work anymore because im tired of thinking and my brain is used to it and the overthinking and all the many thoughts and over analysis

[asanders1203]

The thing with life is that somethings are out of our control, and I know with anxiety that is a hard thing to swallow, however you cannot let anxiety and worrying about what may happen control your life . You have to get your mind out of the future and focus on the now. In life you are going to have good days along with bad days . You just have to push through the bad days and look for the good Even in the bad days.

[Nom-D-Ploom]

I think the fear of losing control isn't uncommon. Some people run through life blithely. They don't really believe that anything bad could happen to them. They smoke, drive too fast, and live on junk food; but they just cannot accept that God or fate would let them feel any discomfort because of what they do or don't do. I think.

The rest of us are all too aware that bad things can and will happen. We understand that our acts can change outcomes. Some of us feel that necessity too much. Since we can, at times change an outcome, we begin to feel responsibility for the bad things that happen to us, and to those we care about.

Maybe we feel that to let go of the pressure makes us more vulnerable to bad (random) things?

[Kevin160 in reply to Nom-D-Ploom]

That's very possible and i think its a fact..for me i believe if i had if i didnt forget my flash drive at the library last year and took those extra seconds before driving away ..a huge SUV wouldn't have hit me on the next intersection..this happened to me last year ..i also believe the little details..and over exaggerate things...i feel responsible for everything bad happens and anything good that doesnt ..i feel like i let the pressure get to me if only i needed a mark to pass an exam or something .. I believe everything happens for a reason but at the same time i dont allow the reason to happen or i overthink if im causing the outcome to change or is it meant to be ..so its hard sometimes to not feel responsible when you know how easily seconds can make a difference between life or death

[Nom-D-Ploom in reply to Kevin160]

It is easy to feel that way, but thinking that can keep you from acting when you should. My 17 year old brother was killed when a drunk driver, being pursued by police, went over the center line.

My sister-in-law said she was responsible because he had been wearing her BD gift to him. My mother blamed my father because my brother stayed away from home due to the abuse. My father blamed my mother because she watched medical shows on TV. He said showing interest in the shows made God punish her. On and on.....It happened because a driver who had lost his license due to DUIs ran over the centerline and slammed into my brother.

[Kevin160 in reply to Nom-D-Ploom]

Im deeply sorry for your loss, you are right , now for me im dtarting to not let this whole thinking process affect or control me , this past year i did so many things i was afraid off, and i realized really whats meant to be will happen, some people die from the flu and an ear infection, while some people survive plane crashes and stage 4 cancer ...i got my first tattoo the other day , it symbolizes all the struggles i had this year between panic attacks, death anxiety, getting hospitalized, losing control in addition to all the things i have been through before like my moms cancer diagnosis and all the cancer scares , my parents divorce, family problems, bullying , ..etc...because otherwise i would have never gotten it i was against tattoos but this one means so much ..i mean i have the logic to see when something bad happens that its nit my fault or it might be but thats just the way things are meant , but its just scary ..

[Nom-D-Ploom in reply to Kevin160]

Progress is precious. I hope you continue to feel better.

[Kevin160 in reply to Nom-D-Ploom]

Hopefully ...thanks alot ♥️♥️