why..?

[SxufferingSxoul]

My mom keeps burying horrifying thoughts into my head. She keeps telling me how I am not normal and have abnormal behaviour. She also keeps saying that when I grow up I am going to have severe health issues because of my habits: vaping, lip-picking and using my phone or laptop for hours (I do take breaks.) None of this makes my health anxiety and somatic disorder any better, for the past few weeks I have had the worst insomnia I have ever had in my life, I spend hours in bed thinking/worrying about all the things she tells me. I have also been having extreme hunger. It has now lead to me believing that in fact, I am in real danger, and will die at a young age. Today I had two meals and when I went to make a sandwich a while ago, she looked at me and said: there is no way you are hungry! I swear you are not normal!! I could be playing a minigame like roblox on my phone to distract myself from physical symptoms and out of nowhere she will say: “You are going to end up dying early because of bad habits.” She also keeps showing my lists of diseases caused by my habits and how my immune system is “extremely” weak. I tried talking to her a lot, it doesn’t work. Please help me, is anything she is saying true? Am I really going to die at a young age like 20 from vaping and using my phone.. Sometimes she scares me by saying how my facial features make me look like a drug addict and a “mentally unstable” human being, how my eyebags are a sign of something serious. I’m constantly checking myself in the mirror. I can’t spend an hour without drowning in physical symptoms.

[hypercat54]

This all sounds like things that young people everywhere do to me. None of these are going to kill you or seriously harm you. I don't know why she is treating you like this, but my mother did this sort of thing too. It left me with low self esteem and depression.

I asked her many years later why she did this and she said it was because she cared. Well I told her I could have done without that sort of caring!

Do you have other family members to help? Are you in a situation where you can leave home? I left at 18 to get a long way away from my family. x

[SxufferingSxoul in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you so much for replying, my mom also says she does that because she cares.

All of my family members live in Syria, most of them, well the ones I was closest to, have died. Those include all my grandparents and uncles. I have no siblings, my father is the type of person who does not believe in mental illnesses. My mother is threatening to kick me out of the house.

Update: I just had a mental breakdown crying and screaming at her explaining the pain she is causing me, how she makes fun of me when if she knew the pain I go through everyday she would cry tears of blood and regret.

[hypercat54 in reply to SxufferingSxoul]

She probably won't as adults go through some dreadful things too you know. I'm not making excuses for her behaviour but she could still be mourning the loss of beloved family members. She must also be worried sick about the safety of relatives still in Syria. I know I would be.

Can you sit down and have a calm chat with her about her worries for them? Offer her your support and understanding. If you behave like an adult with her she is more likely to treat you like one. Are you in a position to leave home, corona virus not withstanding? It might come down to that in the end. x

[Hidden]

Try to find a counselor to help you sort these things out.

[SxufferingSxoul in reply to Hidden]

We cannot afford to see a counselor.

[UFC80]

I'm sorry to say but what your mother is saying to you is Verbal and Mental Abuse! No, you are not doing anything wrong. The problem is her. She is most likely acting this way because of her own personal problems. Do not blame yourself for her behavior. My own mother was tormented verbally by her father in her youth and i see the psychological pain it has left her with today. I even witnessed her father one day doing it again as she was acting nervous in his presence, and i layed it onto him right there.. " ENOUGH"! "My mother is the way she is today because of YOU!" He was silent!

[SxufferingSxoul in reply to UFC80]

Thanks for your response, she calls me a psycho too all the time and that I am slowly destroying myself. I keep telling her to stop but she won’t.

[meckford]

Yes, it does sound like she is suffering and taking all her pain and frustrations out on you. You don't need to be treated in this way, you've got enough to cope with. What you need is love, kindness and support. And time to look after yourself. After all the times you've tried to get through to her and you realize it's not working, then Enough is Enough. When all this coronavirus situation is finished there will be a lot of advise & counseling available. Look out for it. Best wishes and lots of love Mxxx

[shay8blue]

I'm having the same experience but instead of saying "your not normal" she would be passive aggressive and make me feel like shit. What shes saying isn't true but shes trying to get into your head to get you to stop these habits she sees as horrible. Some parents (like my mom) do these things not really meaning to hurt you but it does. It's hard to push those thoughts back out of your head but when you do you feel much better. Stay strong and if you wanna talk I'm here❤

[SxufferingSxoul in reply to shay8blue]

Thank u so much❤️🥺

[Hidden]

Speaking as someone from your mother's generation, I'd say young people look odd to us. At your age we lived in the physical not virtual world. We'd be out and about as we had no other option. The only thing we had our noses in were books or homework. Now its all different. It's scary for parents not knowing what their kids are looking at. Young people look zoned out, not physically present, but lost in their virtual worlds.

Culture may also play a part, if she was born and lived in Syria whilst you have grown up here. She may feel her baby girl is growing apart from her so she's trying to make you conform.

I appreciate her words are hurtful. However, in a quiet moment ask yourself if anything she says is true. And if you can change that. Lockdown is a good time to take an honest look at yourself and perhaps change bad habits. Ultimately, it will be for your own benefit.

[Hidden]

Ok I thought my mom was the the only evil one out there yours is exactly like mine.How old are you if you don't mind me asking.

[Feathe]

Tell her that whatever we say about others is only a projection of our own mind, so if she says you 're a psycho, she s the psycho herself! It s all just amirror. The only reason we have insecurities is our parents ignorant - to say the least-ways of treating us. Recognise she s unstable and nothing she says should be taken seriously. Laugh inside for her absurdities and talk with your friends about how she behaves,to release emotion using humour to get it out of your system! Try not to be close to her a lot . Just laugh with how absurd people are. Instead of giving love all they know to give is hurt because that s all they ever got and they don t know any other way. Pray or meditate. Any of these will fill your mind with clarity and peace and inner strength. Lots of videos on you tube to guide you. I love Andrew Womack s videos on healing. Read about psychology behaviour. You 'll understand why people behave cruelly and you 'll learn That what other People think of you is none of your business!!bc it s always a reflection of who they are. It has nothing to do with you!!a kind person will see you as kind and talk to you kindly, a cruel person will treat you cruelly and see you as cruel or crazy or whatever they are , they will project on you.watch Marissa peer s videos. Knowledge and the truth will set you free. Totally ignore her and secretly laugh a lot with how stupidly she behaves. Laughing is medicine. Nobody can affect us unless we give him her the permission to do it. It s easier than it sounds!! Pray, meditate and leave home with first opportunity, either studies or work!! Take care and sending you lots of love