Privacy to what extent

[ohcde]

Hi, I have contamination OCD and marital tensions resulting from them. My partner talks about my OCD and details my rituals to others, including some mutual friends and his colleagues, I believe in his conversations where he feels he needs to vent.

This is despite me telling him previously from the start that I am not comfortable with him sharing the details with others I am not close with (and often need to meet at social occasions). I understand that he needs a space to vent, and am fine with him sharing with a pair of close couple friends of ours, and perhaps his therapist.

How would you feel and what would u do?

[Hidden]

I would feel the same as you. He needs to work with his therapist to figure out why he cannot keep personal things confidential. I would have an “ in your face” talk and tell him you expect it to stop immediately. If he blows it off, that will b very telling on his commitment to your relationship. I would not tolerate it indefinitely.

[ohcde in reply to Hidden]

He feels justified that he should have the right to share what he wants with who he wants to get the support he needs. He tells me OCD is never personal, because it affects him too.

What if despite telling him, he refuses to stop? I feel so embarrassed to meet these people who know my rituals.

[Hidden in reply to ohcde]

He is being very disrespectful to you. I think you need a third party, like a counselor, pastor, etc to tell him as he isnt listening to you. It might b a deal breaker for me if he isnt willing to consider your feelings.

[ohcde in reply to Hidden]

That's what I'm considering now actually... I feel like it's getting to be a deal breaker because it tells me clearly his 'needs' are more important than how I feel. And I'm not even saying he cant tell anyone at all. Just to be discreet to limit to one or two people whom I also trust.

Thank you for your suggestion and sharing your thoughts and validating my feelings on this. For a while, I was wondering if I had the 'right' to request that he not tell others whom I do not trust, because he made me feel like he should be able to tell whomever he feels he can trust to 'grouse' to.

[Hidden in reply to ohcde]

I know, often it helps to look thru someone elses eyes when we are in the middle of a situation. You deserve to b treated with respect and dignity

[ohcde in reply to Hidden]

Thank you for blessing me with that

[Hidden in reply to ohcde]

Virtual hugs💜. Be strong and b your best friend.