Struggling and trying to give myself grace

[Lifesearching]

I’ve been in several social situations where I’m just easily triggered and haven’t been very good at controlling my reactions. I’m the type of person where if I’m mad it’s written all over my face. I got pretty upset at a friends bbq today and it completely showed (it always has to do with if I feel like another girl is getting too close to my bf, this time, she just stood super close to him while he prepared food and touched his back to get something from the kitchen not in a sexual way but she did touch it). In my previous posts, it’s a friends wife my bf is closer to but he’s also close to the friend. He told me she’s like a sister but I’ve been thru a lot of trauma and betrayal, so their friendship can really trigger me at times when I don’t want to feel triggered. Like I literally want friends but it’s so hard for me to trust anyone.

I feel embarrassed because the night ended up turning out pretty good after that, but struggling to give myself grace because I went in with the best intentions of just having a good time💙💙is it just me or would anyone else be upset? Was my getting bothered justified or am I being too sensitive? I’m even wondering if it’s the right relationship, the wife and my bfs friend are both very hospitable to me but I’m not used to having or seeing healthy male and female friendships I just don’t know

[Light21]

Lifesearching,

Give yourself grace. It sounds like you have some issues with healthy relationships between men and women. Have you been hurt in the past? It sounds like you’ve had trauma in the past so your mind always goes to past relationships.

So maybe you were being too sensitive when the other lady touched your boyfriend’s back. It was probably harmless. Don’t beat yourself up for getting upset. Work on yourself and how you think about things. Has your boyfriend ever given you any reason to not trust him? Do you think about past relationships and bring those experiences back to new relationships ? Like comparing them.

Have you thought about seeing a therapist and discussing your past feelings of betrayal and trauma? You said you’re not use to healthy women/men relationships. You need to work on how you feel about yourself. It will be hard work but you can do it. I hope that your boyfriend treats you well and that maybe you can discuss with him how you are feeling.

Good Luck to you,

You’ve got this.

🙏🙏😊

[Lifesearching]

To Light21 I’ve been burned a lot💔not that Im playing a victim or justifying my reactions, but Ive been doing my best and gone to therapy for two years. I went in with the best intentions of really trying to open my heart, but I think I’m starting to accept that my past did change me in many ways and just accepting it, and at the end of the day I know my heart is in the right place and I always move with pure intentions so I hope people close to me see that. I’m not as open or trusting as other women around men, some may think I’m a little too closed off but I can’t change anymore to prove to people I’m a good person. I do want to keep trying to heal to open my heart if it needs correction

[Lifesearching]

Yeah I usually am quick to judge people but this touch was totally harmless I felt the vibe, and I think she was trying the rest of the night to show she’s a safe person💙💙I’m not sure if I’ve been wrong about her🥺so there was this one time towards the beginning of our relationship about six months in, he still had a Tinder app in his phone he wasn’t using…I found it and got so pissed but he deleted it. My bf also takes his phone to the bathroom which gets me overthink but has no issues opening his phone in front of me.

It just feels like life has played a sick joke on my sometimes, where in the past, I fully trusted the shady people and got burned. I was a social butterfly with open arms. Now that I have nice people around me I can’t even trust them🤦🏾‍♀️💙Ive become such a cautious person with a shell. I think my bf knows that I really struggle with trusting not just him but others I can tell he’s doing his best to be patient. He told his friends I have trust issues, I just feel so embarrassed getting triggered like I’m exposed or something because I’m such a private person no one even friends my whole life have known my issues or insecurities

[survivorspirit]

When we're sensitive people we get triggered easily. I hope your bf is willing to understand how you feel. Going into our feelings is good and bad. They can help us change in good ways and trip us up in others. Have you had trauma from previous relationships? A good mental health provider can be a godsend. You can certainly do this.