I'm just curious: how many of you see a connection between abusive treatment you received in your childhood, (especially from your family of origin) and your current struggles with depression and/or anxiety?
Maybe I'm on the wrong track, but I increasingly think so much started with the bullying and gaslighting(?) of one sister (and another sister to a lesser extent) I'm working so hard to understand this, get strong etc.
Recently, I had the revolutionary idea that I didn't have to fix the relationship. (It's taken this many years to realize this!) I could walk away. I'm not there yet, but someday (!?)
Lots of connection. My whole family was toxic/ abusive. I got used to being treated that way. Scapegoated and was depressed growing up. Always felt very different from them. Took me a long time before I could talk about it and gain some understanding. Met an excellent therapist who helped me to listen and believe in myself and my own self worth. I got worn down and need antidepressants to feel o k . but I am grateful to have finally pulled away from them.
I often feel almost startled (lol) like- WHO ME? When people give me compliments.
It's really been ground into me not to value myself since I was young.
I always have underplayed (in my own mind) the abuse from a sister, because it wasn't physical or sexual- it was emotional, stealthy underhanded and denied. For years and years since, I've tried to understand. I could go on and on here..
But today I was reading online about gaslighting, and someone recommended keeping a diary of the treatment from the gaslighter. I started logging in my last exchanges with my sister and looking at more examples online , I thought, this really reminds me of the stuff my sister does, though I never made the connection before.
I don't want to be in a therapist's chair forever but if it means getting to the bottom of things and possibly (!?) freeing myself from unhappy and unhealthy behaviors (or people) I'll sit in the chair.
Very much so sadly. My problems root from an abusive toxic childhood. I never got help until I was in my late 20s and over the years it got worse and worse. I'm still working on it. Just know that you are not alone. I dont have all the answers but there are many on here who suffered from this. Keep posting and take care. If you need an ear I'm happy to listen. Xx
It's sobering to start seeing things more clearly. But I take heart from people like yourself who has similar problems, have gained insight and try to fight on!
You're welcome. Never give up its worth the fight. 💜💜💜 All my best 💜☺
Main connection for me. My entire family (well the only family I know some of on my moms side, I was never introduced to my dads side of the family, he left his family completely at the age of 19, no idea why either). It seems parenting skills were obsolete for both my mother and father, and my older brother treated me horribly,
I did not recover until I was 45 years old, I unfortunately had to escape the grips this had on me by walking away from my family. And I don’t ever recommend this as a solution, but it was for me. My life is 1000x times better, in my case no amount of talking things through could undo anything sadly, I’m actually happy, I’m actually in a really good place. No regrets, their loss.
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I don't know where my extended family future will be. I know, incrementally, I've started to separate myself from two members. I've got a long way to go.
But thank you for sharing your story. I hope to have the will to cut ties(if that is what is really needed for good health)
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I’ll add I had Persistent Depressive Disorder for 13 years, suicidal, underweight. Lost my career. My physical health took a toll on me. I could have been divorced 20 times during this time... this actually could have taken my life, it took being this ill for me come to terms what was best.
I didn’t want it to look like a cake walk to do what I did, it was far from that. It’s been almost 8 years now, I never want to be that person I became. 🌺💜🌺💜🌺💜🌺
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I wasn't thinking that, in fact I was just thinking that people who cut ties were probably at the end of their rope- or they were really aware of the insidious nature of their abuse.
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Thank you guys for responding. It does help getting support here.
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It’s so strange how the ebb and flows of life take us, the choices we make, especially living under the metaphorical grips and control of other people. I was going to forever be seen as a 10 year old in the eyes of my mother even at 40. My identity in life was non existent. I can’t ever explain that, but your right end of rope is a good way to put it.
I can talk about this without it dredging up memories that I’ll relapse, I’m far from that today. It’s another indication to others that you can move far from the past and live a healthy life. 💜
I am 59 and still struggle with childhood abuse and emotional abuse. I have a major depression disorder. It has taken many years to realize that I have a choice who I want in my life. Distancing from a family member is very hard, but if they don't have your best interest at heart then I had to accept that and move on. I would rather be alone than be a target of anyone's abuse! Hope this helps. Peace to you!
You are right on track.... this is what I have learned in therapy and group. I was abused all my childhood, sexually, physically and mentally. My mother is a sociopath without remorse and subjected me to a lifetime of hell. We don't forget what was done to us as kids, it shapes us. Depression is a disease, like any other health issue. I also have the disease of depression. But when you have extenuating circumstances like abuse, trauma, loss, grief, etc.... the damage done to us adds to our existing condition of depression. Often we blame our depression as being caused by our abuse or neglect, but actually....it adds to it.
Depression is a chemical deficiency in the brain, and because we have a Serotonin imbalance, we feel sad sometimes for no reason, it's just because it's chemical. But add to that, the damage we are left with from abuse, and having to reason with why we are depressed, and what the difference is....well...that's where it gets murky. We have to treat the trauma....and manage the depression....
A good therapist who is well versed on depression and abuse should be able to help you sort this all out....but knowledge is power.... I would surf the net and read everything you can about abuse, emotional abandonment, and depression.
Thank you, Faux!
Alot of food for thought in your post
- Treat the trauma manage the depression - well put!
I agree with you I'm a survivor of childhood rape and it has affected my whole adult life in many different ways. It's hard to over come but we do in time.
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Any people in Bay Area interested in creating a peer support group for depression?
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