I was tested a few times this month, added assignments at work, exams and research at university, home and social life, my uncle died 2 days ago, it was my first time going to a funeral, which is pretty late for 20 maybe? i guess i should be thankful somehow, so yeah a bit of a heavy month, but i feel really good with the fact that mentally im feeling well, im making peace with everything, and i was surprised that i didnt really panic that much even when i didnt feel prepared for something, or felt that i didnt live up to my true potential, or was faced with something that i felt was me being way over my head, it felt like i was on a sedative, eventhough i dont take any kind of pills, but i was really calm somehow.
i guess im being kind to myself, and less judgy, im very proud of my accomplishments, im juggling work and studies, im becoming more independent both financially and emotionally, i am meeting new people, im doing alot of new things that i didnt get to do during covid, i finally feel that im actually “doing” not just “saying”.
Obviously this doesnt mean i eradicated stress and anxiety, for example i have a presentation in a couple of days and its on the back of my mind, might get really worried about it tomorrow night, but so far im at a place where im not pilling on, or adding on to my stressors, i think its the best feeling ever to be proud of yourself, i have always been an honor student, and done alot during my teenage years, but never felt proud because mentally i felt i was so weak that it always ruined it for me, everything was stressful and i couldnt enjoy anything, so it feel great to just look back and think “oh i just did that” or “i overcome something much easier than i expected” and just feel the pure pride and content.
Feel paralysed and unable to talk. Big deal posting this while I feel like this.
