I have been with my girlfriend for over 7 years we have 4 kids together and she has mental health issues of her own and has struggled with drug and alcohol addiction the entire time we have been together. She has this cycle where she loves me unequivocally and then starts hanging around the wrong people and then wants to break up. Anyway lately she has been hanging out with a lot of guys and in the past had tried to cheat on me or in some way has. She says i should trust her even though i have caught her in lies and makes me feel like everything is my fault. She hides her phone from me but has access to mine as well as my google account, email, facebook and browser history. I am just curious as to if i am nuts or if there is something to it. Because of the past with her and others when people seem suspicious or have done things i feel like i cant trust anyone. What do i do?
What do i do?: I have been with my... - Anxiety and Depre...
What do i do?
Have you seen a therapist for yourself? It might be an idea to keep your mental health strong!
Have you looked into emotional detachment? Try reading up about it ... it may help. I would also change passwords on everything. Trust is a 2 way street not a 1 way .
Do you do stuff for yourself to bring peace to your own mind? Take care of yourself too!!!😊🤗☀️
I dont really do anything for myself she is normally always out running somewhere doing something and i take care of the kids when i am not working.
That’s hard on you.... 🤨 what relaxes you? Can you relax after they are in bed assuming they are younger...? Is this affecting kids at all? It seems you are caught between a rock and a hard place....
Usually by the time they are in bed i am tired myself and sports relaxes me and i do try to watch it if its on but usually i am still up wondering where she is or what shes doing. She says i am controlling cuz i get upset she is gone all the time or that i think she is lying to me about where she is.
Please google emotional detachment. You are gonna drive yourself crazy with worry. The negative thoughts can really increase your stress which increases anxiety and depression!
YOU CAN NOT CONTROL HER ACTIONS! You can only control your reaction to it! I get the questioning ... seriously I do! My insecurities drive me insane at times. My partner who is very supportive and not out prowling gets questioned and grilled by me... he now lets me know where he is, what he is doing, who he is with when he is out. If he stays at a friends or sisters he lets me know when he is there and safe not driving as he drank too much. He lets me know in morning when he will be home. This helps me although the crap spins still.... he knows when it’s bad his phone will explode with crap but he does his best to reassure me. He does make time for me and now has started to really make an effort. He emotionally detached from me to save his sanity and mental health. He made sure that I was physically safe and needs met like going to doctors but the sappy bits stopped.... it was probably best as I was isolating myself, withdrew from everything...it helped me climb out of a deep dark pit of depression.
Your kids need you to be in tip top shape so please take care of yourself and put you 1st!!!
Tbh you just got me totally right i literally tell myself that all the time except i still can't stop myself from thinking i can get her top understand my feelings. I have been looking it up as well and it does describe me some but also i think i have some sort dependency issue with her.
It could be a co dependency to her addictions- have you read about addiction?! It could be depression and anxiety as perhaps you need approval or reassurance, self worth insecurity? I’m not a doctor so you should go see one or a nurse practitioner at least. I just hear your pain quite honestly. I hear your frustration and emotional confusion. I sense an almost caregiver burnout ring to your words.
I am suggesting that you look into emotional detachment for yourself though. I think you need to save your emotional health and well brings for your little ones. I’m assuming but you are a single parent for all intensive purposes correct?
You’ve covered for her with kids, family, friends for quite some time now eh? Do you have a support network at all?
I get watching sports but how do you shut your brain down or stop the negative thoughts about what she could be doing etc? What can you do to make yourself feel good about yourself? If you were a girl I’d say hot bubble bath lol... so do you like to build or fix stuff? Can you involve the kids sometimes and sometimes not? Do you like to cook or bake? Paint? Anything to give you an Accomplishment/ mental holiday/ distraction outside of kids, work, daily grind?
You are your own person outside of your children and her. You deserve a life and respect. Please talk to your doctor. Stay strong and it’s ok to put yourself first sometimes. It makes you a better, stronger and happier parent. 😊☀️🌷🤗
I have always been insecure and always need peoples approval and always feel like i must please everyone. With her i feel like i am slowly sinking into quicksand and am always quick to defend her to people even when i am not sure myself. And yes i involve my kids and do like fixing things but i have yet to be able to shut my mind off, no matter what i do it runs 24/7.
You need to talk to a doctor or nurse about your feelings about yourself. Please!
Do kids still get together at the park to play while parents sit and talk? Do your kids have play dates? What do your kids like to do? How old are they? Boys/girls? Do you take your kids on picnics or swimming? Do you kids participate in activities like sports, dance, church groups? Do you like playing pool or darts? Do you like camping going on hikes? Watching sports live instead of on tv?
What gives you a sense of pride beyond your children?
I get defending her - she is the mother of your beautiful kids. You are also their father which is equally as important don’t forget. 😊
WOW, I would go behind her back and speak to an attorney for advice. Your KIDS SAFETY is at Risk. And speak to someone at al-Anon (People with drug/ alcohol addiction’s ). This is for families with addiction. It seems like it’s getting Worse? KIDS FIRST 👍💕
If she take drugs and alcohol this is very bad and is very difficult, especially for children, I think you should separate your children of such a mother and try to help her. If this is unsuccessful then you should leave her if you want to have a good future for your children, otherwise they will do what they see at them mother.
This is a terrible situation for you and the children. It must be very unhealthy for them to live with a mother like this. You need help for both you and the children. You must get in touch with the relevant authorities, please get help.
I second the Alanon suggestion. It definitely will help you detach with love. And get you the help you need. Everything you said sounds like symptoms of the illness the people around the alcoholic/addict exhibit. I am speaking from personal experience. It helped save my life. Also, has been mentioned before, you have children to think about.
I think you should consult a psychologists. Dealing with an addict could be emotionally manipulative. Take into consideration of the children and yourself that you don't end up being depressed. Another thing, you do not need to please anyone or gain their approval. You are perfect in your own way. How old are the kids?
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