I have so much going on in my life I have no idea on what to do or where to go. A year ago my husband decided he wanted to bring in another women into our marriage he put our relationship on the back burner and has focuse all his energy and time on their relationship. He has gotten this women pregnant not once but twice ( new baby will be here in January). The problem is this girl lied to him from the beginning about her past. Messed his head up bad now he wants to get a lie detector test done on this girl after the baby comes in January. He says if she fails “it’s gonna be bad news for him”. Basically he is gonna kick her out but he says he can’t live without her. I am so depressed and heartbroken we have a child together but I feel like he doesn’t even care about that. We have been together for 5 years. My anxiety and depression is through the roof it’s not even cool. I am so lost right now.
Don’t know what to do : I have so much... - Anxiety and Depre...
Don’t know what to do
This doesn't sound like a very good marriage for you nor a very healthy situation for all concerned. It may be helpful for you to talk things through with a therapist, as I think it would be helpful to clarify the situation in your own mind.
I have been talking to my therapist of course she doesn’t have all the answers to provide me. I am just at a lost right now part of me knows it’s not a healthy marriage. But I have tried to leave and it didn’t turn out very good. He has threatened me that he will take our son due to my mental health.
He doesn't get to decide with whom your son lives. A lawyer decides that. You might want to speak to a lawyer as he is clearly threatening you.
This is emotional blackmail. He sounds like a narcissist or even a sociopath. Is he?
He is committing adultery. Can you consult a free consultation with a lawyer? If your mental health is being managed, he can not use that against you. Do you love him?He is leading a bad example for your child. Do you have family you can stay with? Again I would ask a lawyer if you can have him removed along with the girlfriend from the house. Please don’t let him treat you this way. You are too good to him. Please be a good example for your child. I hope this helps you.
It's, a sticky situation definitely.. Especially if you did not agree to start... I'm so sorry for what you are going through right now.
I'm gonna recommend something more immediate than just a therapist though you need that. Please get evidence like documentation, pictures, etc and leave. Evidence of when she moved in and bills that have been paid to support her. Don't be "kind". Thank me later. I know that is a lot to swallow but this is abusive. The documentation will protect you from any sort of additional abuse.
A marriage is a partnership. You don't get to "decide" to bring someone else into it. whatever he did to convinced you to agree is probably at mental abuse. If you have no funds there is assistance for you.
His affair isn't your concern however he is being manipulative towards her too. You don't get to demand a lie detector test, threaten to kick a pregnant woman out, and expect the relationship to last. If she has any brains and confidence she should leave too.
The only real documentation that I have is the birth certificate from the first baby showing that he is the father. He put her on our bank account so she has access to all our money(she doesn’t work) only him. I get SSDI so I get some income but not enough to support me and my son. He had her legally change her name to our last name when she moved in. I appreciate your suggestions.
I’m sorry but as said this is a man abusing two women to get what he wants, you are better off out of this mess, don’t worry about the other woman that’s her problem, you need to look after yourself and your son who should be your no. 1 priority
That is good documentation. Put it someplace safe. Open a private dropbox account and password protect it with a *good* password. Give copies to a trusted friend. Don't worry about money. You have options. First I am almost positive a women's shelter will take you and your son in. At the very least talk to them. They will help you navigate the system including finding a lawyer. Second take as much out of that joint account as you can. It is half yours because you are legally married. Don't even get me started on how much a stay at home mom would earn if they got paid what they are worth... It is much more than what you can take out in a day. Then you should talk to a lawyer. You are entitled to half + alimony and child care assuming no prenuptial. He is demanding a lie detector test? There is no way I trust him legally.
Even if you do not believe you need please, please, please stow away that documentation. It does nothing to save it and it could save your kids future to keep it.
Can you make plans to secretly leave him or have anyone who can help you? Don't worry about being fair or 'nice' just get out asap.
I would then take enough money out of your joint account and go before he has a chance to stop you. If he is threatening you can get a restraining order against him once you are away and safe.
Then I would also look for therapy as your self esteem and confidence appear very low. You are worth a lot more than this abusive awful man.
You can apply for state assistance and might be able to get emergency housing since you are in an abusive situation.
Wow talk about having his cake and eating it too, your husband is a prime example. I am more shocked you put up with this as most women would have kicked him out long ago. It's ridiculous how entitled and selfish he is. I am furious on your behalf.
I really can't see your relationship going anywhere and he has all but left you. I know you have a young child but you need to be making plans to leave him.
Do you have family/friends you can stay with? Please explore all options and get yourself out of this toxic situation.
This is going to be the hardest thing you you've ever done. Stand up for yourself. Take your baby and leave. No need to have a fight, maybe leave a note, short and to the point, not emotional just what is necessary. He did the gutless thing, started a relationship with someone else with out ending the one he is in with you. He put it in your face, in your home, in your marriage. Find your feet, you are strong. Find that primal growl inside you and use it for self preservation. Go stay with family or a good friend someone you trust. This will give you a chance to breathe and for your baby to be in a gentle environment. You can figure it out from there.
Seek a lawyer to get you options, then hopefuly you are a 50/50 state as half of everything is yours if he or she do not hide it and they will nilly. May I ask you what religion are you as the Mormons seem to do this often and the wife is to take it. The wife has no rights under that law. My heart goes out to you and you sooo deserve better. t You can kick them both out but legally the area is 50/50. so take your percentage and watch the money. No joint accounts, credit cards in your name and use his for purchases.. Ask the police or domestic abuse advocate what they recommend. I got a lot of advice from police years ago when a gal got her claws into my x and made him her fifth husband. I never recovered from that and I hope you can before you cannot. Our courts were backed up three years and he robbed me and my two teenager blind by hiding money under a court freeze. Get good legal advice and you can shop around as you ask questions before you decide if you need one, so do not put out a penny without a plan after you get info from the lawyers as that can be a game too to get your money. Buyer beware before you sell your freedom and sanity. Sorry, so blunt but this is a subject I am familiar on many levels. It is so much b etter to be lonely and free.
Hi YOU DONT DESERVE TO BE TREATED LIKE THIS. Let him deal with this other woman, they have taken the mickey out of you for far too long. Having depression does not mean you cant look after your son. you be better of taking him out of that enviroment anyway. Its so bad the situation you are in and the only way you can help yourself is to start thinking of a way out, a clean break , so you can be yourself, and heal as sorry to say but this man is a control freak and he thinks he can do what he wants. I was wondering how old your son is.? for your own sanity and your sons see if you can go to a refuge or family far away from him. do it for yourself and your son, you both need a better life. sending hugs your way.
Get the hell out. Get a lawyer if you have to, to keep your child with you. I'm sure the judge will let you keep your child if you leave him. All you have to do is say you did not agree to him having another woman there and the whole thing is very stressful to say the least. They are both bad news, just get out. Make sure you let the police know that you're leaving, if you leave without telling him. That way even if he calls the police and reports his child gone, you won't become the rogue parent who kidnapped her own child and end up on Amber alert.
Sorry but i cannot understand you accepting someone else in your marriage, its appalling, and i'm so sorry to say but do you not respect yourself.?
It's called gaslighting and bit by bit every ounce of self respect is ripped up. This lady needs as much help and guidance as she can
Why would you want someone who treats you this way ? I know situations and relationships can be complicated and you have been in love with this man. He needs to put on his big boy pants and do what is right for your marriage if you still want to be married. Otherwise you are probably much better off without him. You really could probably use some professional help with this whether it be counseling or a lawyer. I hope things work out and get better for you.
Hi DF47.
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU STILL ALLOWING THIS MAN TO LIVE IN YOUR HOME OR WHY ARE U STILL THERE !!!!!
Why have U allowed anyone to walk all over your life in the way this man has ?? Would U allow anyone to do that to ur child I ask!!!
WHERE IS YOUR PRIDE ? SELF WORTH ? PROTECTION FOR UR CHILD TOO ?? Ur child sees this & gets confused I bet.
U really
need to get ur priorities in some order use ur child as the top priority.
So to give ur child the best is for U to be at ur best to start with.
I was in pain management group & we had a break .
So back to the situation. Also a suggestion if I may.
Put U first in love & strength & the rest will follow BUT none of it will happen if U choose to do nothing & that's the worst thing U can do.
Its not going to be easy or fast but ur driving force should be ur child & giving them the best life U can . So that first step is not only the hardest but the best step U can take.
Some folks have been there & have told U of their experiences & there is some great advice written within this post .
Well if U start learning to love urself again & every morning U wake up , give love to urself & fill ur cup & the overflow U shower onto ur child & then other loved ones & U dont need a partner to become a person who loves themselves & the more U practice that love the more it swells within .
This man deserves nothing from U & dont give him anything either as he betrayed a trust to satisfy his ego & no person should be treated as the way U've been treated & humiliated . U can do & be so much more than he thinks U were.
End of the day its U that has to do all the work & be strong for urself & child as the one person who should've been there for U both was being selfish to put it politely & now he wants a test to see if she was lying ? What about all his lies ?
Ur worth is far greater than U know or believe. The journey is one that U will take when ur ready & i say no time like the present .
I wish U love & light on ur journey & when U want to give up , its at those times U become stronger.
Please do edit. Victim blaming doesn't help.
Not meant to shame but the metaphorical shake of the person into action & realising they're the most important & simple goal to get going is kids as a driving force.
I'm sure you mean well but unless I missed something the OP doesn't know you and you don't know how much mind manipulation has occurred.
i agree starting off the text with those sort of words dont help at all. nobody expects to marry someone then have this in their marriage. Ive been emotionally controlled and it makes you feel worthless and that they are needed, when you know you are better off without them. There must be love, but hate too and its a ball of confusion. I despise these sort of men that think they are superior to woman and use them to boost their ego, well hes a little boy in his own little world, and needs putting into the real world. The Army would sort him out ,show him what is reality and stop living in this crazy situation he has made for himself.
How many of us have sat there & let it all take over due the fact we were scared , we didn't know what to do & we wallowed in our own darkness.
I don't want people to think depression is it cuz it isn't & even though taking that 1st step is the hardest its also the best .
Treating people with kid gloves is NEVER going to help them. It didn't help me . I sat there 1 day & had a conversation with myself & i had to give me a kick in the rear metaphorically speaking to get me going . It's a hard & long journey that at the start has more downs than ups. Now had i known of HU , my journey would've been far easier but thats why I'm here to try give others that kick start to know they not alone & there is lots of ways to take that journey.
U believe I'm harming her with my words but let me ask you this at the start of your journey how many of you didn't love yourselves & even hated who you are ? I'm trying to give her focus of everything positive is her child & to be a parent that is protective & loving & gentle & fierce all at the same time , she needs to start somewhere.
It took me a long time to start my journey but its the best journey ever & I'm still learning everyday .
I always choose my words. They're there to empower even if not everyone sees it.
This is an abusive situation. Look at my first comment thread. There are no kid gloves. She lives with a man who threatened her when she tried to seek freedom for her and her child. She is already getting “kicked”. That is fundamentally different from your situation. It isn’t about personal behavior. First survive.
Why are you making this about YOU ?
This thread belongs to DF47 as she started it. So my words are directed to her not you or anyone else. I've not seen where in her OP where DF47 says there have been threats.
Also if there have been threats even more reason to get out of there & those that make threats are the weakest A holes out there .
So to repeat I have always meant for DF47. Threats or no threats its better to be out & away than trapped & if it due to DF's A & D then its even more reason to go. What do the police do to protwct victims ?
Okay... I was responding to your comment "Treating people with kid gloves" when I said look at my comment. That is not "making it about me".
You are clearly unaware of the very large well documented issue of domestic abuse. That is a problem.
"What do the police do to protwct victims ?" Police have limited capability under the law. Even when there is physical violence the system is not able to protect victims a lot of the time.
Men are far, far, far, far, (did I say infinitely far?) less likely to be a victim of domestic abuse so unless you seek the knowledge you will probably not learn why your bootstrap statements are completely unhelpful and are actually harmful.
I don't see any indication that you care about learning so I let my comments stand to dilute the potential damage.
I don't doubt domestic violence is a massive issue across the world , I can't understand why it goes on but then I dont understand why people stay.
There should & are options. Here we have local government support & there are refuges for people escaping dom violence.
I never saw it growing up so it wasn't the norm for me & I've raised both my daughters to know there are always options even if its to call me.
I will always encourage any woman who is in the spot that DF47 is in , in the same way. Sometimes no in fact every time we dither we allow more of us to be the abused person. We all have that basic drive to be strong for ourselves & our kids too & we cant procrastinate about it ever.
Not having a go at you DD but as a woman even though I haven't personally experienced this I do understand better than any man unless they have gone through it as well.
You must be aware that our culture thinks that genders should differ to each other. A man who is aggressive and difficult is seen as ambitious. A woman who is is called a b....., or other terms I am sure you have seen. And attitudes towards single parents - only women not men.
This all ties in to trying to please and be obedient to avoid the categories we women are all placed in. After all you never hear terms such as 'Career Man' but you often hear 'Career Women' ie those who put a career over children which means they must be a bit unnatural.
All this impacts of course in our intimate relationships and this is partially why it is easier for us to be victims of male narcissists - not saying there aren't female ones too of course but it's different.
Women caught in this situation are more likely than men to succumb to male authority and not want to rock the boat. We understand that marriage is down to us sacrificing for the sake of the partner and the child. We desperately want to be 'normal women' so will give way more easily.
I would look up the terms 'love bombing' and 'gas lighting' which are some of the techniques narcs use to get their own way. Women think men will change which is a non starter because they rarely do so they hang on to a bad relationship in hope. If they give in enough then eventually the situation the poster finds themself in can happen.
Like I said I am not having a go but trying to explain to you from a females perspective how this type of thing can happen.
I am not trying to want to start a gender war here and if my comments are divisive or cause upset I will delete them. But you have always seemed a decent type so am attempting to explain how it works from our perspective. It's up to you what you do with this information.
Hi HC54.
I understand what U are saying & how it would come across but to me if it were a man i would say the same thing. Dom violence happens everywhere & its not as rare as people think that men are the ones beaten , its just a vast majority don't say a word & even the amount of women who actually speak up is miniscle too.
See I'm trying to give a virtual shake of the shoulders to try snap DF47 out of the feeling low about things & hopefully spring into action but she already has that covered & knows how what when & where as well as who & why. She is stronger than i thought she was & her plans are brilliant too.
I'm never offended as im open to be coloured educated on things & always welcome insight into things.
Thanks for your reply. I am glad you took it in the spirit it was posted.
As Blueruth said though I do agree than men are less likely to be victims of domestic abuse, or maybe the don't talk about it for fear of being seen as weak?
Perhaps the reason we hear more about it happening to women is that they aren't as physically strong as a man and are much more likely to be injured or even killed. A man meanwhile can usually stop this happening and are much less likely to be overcome by a woman.
You say you don't understand why women stay with men like this. There is a lot of information online about it so I suggest you read about it as you might understand better.
I think women tend to be more invested in their intimate relationships than men and are more likely to want it to work. Especially if they have children. This I think partially explains why they stay longer when they should have left.
I have known victims of this type of abuse and by the time they seek help they have usually been driven into the ground by it. Their self esteem and confidence is shot and the last thing they need is being further brought down by shall we say insensitive comments.
Men and women often see things in different ways and what would work for a man wouldn't necessarily work for a woman and vice versa of course.
What the poster needs is support and to be built up into believing they are strong enough to take action. The last thing they need is to be made to feel guilty. I see that as our role here along with trying to identify at what stage in their journey an individual is at. The last bit is usually the most difficult one which is why a counsellor is most helpful at knowing the approach to take at a certain point.
Failing that we can only do our best on here. Do you see what I am saying? I hope so.
I believe we dont hear as much about men being abused is because there is a different kind of shame. What? You let a woman do that? You need to put her in her place. There are still more male abusers
Ur right & yes we can only guide & tyvm for poi ting me the right direction of research about dom violence too.
I will add that we were all wrong in thinking that DF47 is a shrinking violet with victims syndrome or like a deer in headlights & any analogy that we could use.
DF47 has a plan & is moving along with it & is at a crossroads with the next bit & all we here need to do is be ears & listen.
In everything there are 2 sides & i believe that even if we don't know it , we need to present the gentle ( love ) & the tough ( love ) approach .
More than likely in this post it was the ladies in this group that used the softly softly approach & I gave it a shock approach & I do it from experience . When my ex wife walked out on me & my eldest daughter takung the youngest one , i was in the middle of a breakdown.
I didn't have a clue at what was happening , let alone why & having my youngest child taken away was killing me too. Then 1 day i got a call to come & take the youngest & I got her & I was happy but then had the task of working & parenting all at the same time .
Long story short its now over 15 years & both my daughters are in their 20s , in relationships & hopefully living their best lives & to get here I had to give myself the virtual shake & wake myself up & learn to love me first & once full i let overflow go toward my kids & family & the more i let got of anger & hate from my heart the more space for love & it took me years to learn it & I'm always open to learning too.
Even though we all walk our own journey or path in life we have all ended up here & that is not just chance or an error but meant to be & it was always supposed to be as it is that we all came here at the very moment we did arrive.
Ladies i wish U love & light on ur continuing journey's.
mmmm okay keep your hair on. you dont know everything, and not everyone is the same or will act the same no matter what words you use. If you havent been through it you dont know what a control freak does or how they work. it is not easy to leave no matter what is said to you. when you fall in love it means everything, then the insults slowly get dropped in if hes not happy, then he wants you there all the time to watch over you. when you get time for yourself its why didnt you answer your phone, are you with someone else. you dont see friends, you are constantly reassuring him, you get depressed, feel trapped, want to please him be happy like before and your in this hell hole of misery. you want that love back, you keep trying until hes worn you down to nothing, you cant think, thats just part of this. every one has the right to say how they feel here, and only you seem to be right well your not. harsh words dont win the war. yes support Dolphan its good to get advice, but theres still emotions to deal with here. you can run away but this man could turn , so theres danger. if he feels he will lose everything he may flip. This is also why people are scared, especially if you have nowhere to hide.
Firstly hello CQ.
Secondly my hair is going nowhere .
Thirdly do U think that women cant do everything you just said too ?
Always keep an open mind & never think it can be only one sided. Yes i agree that Dom violence is mainly perpetrated by men but its not 100% men.
In life what a man can do , a womsn can do but no man can do what a woman does. Im not sucking up to U I'm stating a facts.
Lastly i still stand by what i said & why i said it, its about the whole picture . And ur right i don't know everything but i know what i know about human nature.
Have a look at the link which will explain more
psychologytoday.com/us/blog...
I'll inbox u my response.
I couldn't agree more cq. You said it far better than I did.
Didn't think U judged so fast HC54
Please open up an savings account for your ssdi immediately. Once that is transferred over then talk with someone about getting help. This woman isn't entitled to your money at all. This is unacceptable that he brought someone else in the marriage. Once you leave and get your share of the marriage, I can see he will probably lose both of you. If the other woman left before you she may end up getting money that you are entitled to and you will lose out on your share. If you leave first you should get your share rather than a smaller share because of her. If she leaves he will be screwed because of the child support. So best if you leave first. Don't let him threaten you.
You feel worn down, exhausted, scared and downright disappointed with life right now, I completely get it. It's so hard to do but you need to find an inner strength and prepare yourself to leave with your child because it's NOT going to get better, no matter how hard you hope it will. You want to be considered and cared for but it isn't going to happen, and ask yourself why should you settle for a louse like him. He isn't going to see the light and he will never ever have respect for you or for your child. There are ways out of that situation and you need to follow all the paths to get as far away from him as you can. As people have already suggested...withdraw the money you need to make your escape, plan well, get as far away as possible. Don't feel like you are stealing his money, you're not, he has a duty of care for your child which he can't argue with. No court in the land would expect a mother to give her child up to a man like that so don't fear that he will take custody - he is making empty threats. If he can't be bothered with your child now why would he fight for the right to keep him? He's an ass. You might feel too tired to go through with all this but it will get worse. Get the evidence you need to fight him in court if it comes to that but please don't give up. Leave and don't go back, even if he sweet talks you - all empty promises and he will be on his guard next time. It might be some time before you get fully on your feet but when you do you will thank the Lord you took your life back. Please let us know how you get on and I wish you all the luck and love in the world xxx
I'm sorry your in such a tough situation. Please get what documentation you can, get a lawyer and kick both of them to the curb. You are being bullied and emotionally abused. I'm sure there's no way he can take your son away with what he has done. Please take care of yourself and your son. No one deserves to be treated like they both are treating you. Don't know what state you're in but New York is a 50/50 state. Please keep us posted and remember you matter and deserve to be loved. HUGS.
I feel always that i know what to do but at same time i do not know either when it comes to other things, actually sometimes i feel i know nothing at all, never what to do even if I know so i can never be sure, that is some kind of mental illness as well very 😔
I am so sorry you are in this awful corner and feeling lost. No one but you knows what is really going on in your situation. Your husband knows what's going on for him, only him.
Be very careful what you do -- and say -- as things progress. It may never have happened, and it may never, but guys have snapped before, and you could be hurt.
Therapists like to call it an "exit plan". A just in case plan. Having all your ducks in a row so that if you have to high tail it out of there you prepared ahead. Don't tell anyone you can't absolutely trust. You can look up "exit plan" on your computer.
Your mind is more trustworthy than your heart now. Look up "gaslighting". What you have been conditioned to believe, and to tolerate, took a long, long time to happen.
If you've got anyone to turn to, reach out. If not, we are here.
Please be careful.
Hi DF47.
Firstly how are feeling & doing ?
I hope my to & fro with BR hasn't caused U any distress.
Have you researched what help is available where you live ? I wish U a speedy & safe jorney filled with love & light & U are able to secure urself a better future by loving U & gaining strength from it too. Having read most reolies i feel these ladies have given U enough idea's to get by. Another suggestion if I may. Open a bank account that only U control in ur childs name if no ones mentioned it before & that way U create a pot of money to help U when U wish to go. Also as others have said gather information & even record when he says he will harm U .
As i said in my first post the journey is hard & long & many setbacks will appear but that has happened to us all. Remember too that no one person owns another & never will & at the start we are our own worst enemies as we feel we cant do anything , when in fact there is virtually nothing we cant do. Do U have a faith ? If you do seek guidence from that faiths holy texts. If U dont go church , then start going & see what they have to offer U to become stronger in ur faith , I've known of some folks who turn to organised religion in times of need.
Again I wish U love & light on ur journey , a journey toward safety for U & ur child.
Hello,
Yes I have read all the reply’s and have even started to do some research on my own in trying to contact a lawyer to get the ball rolling with a divorce. He is going to make it very nasty for me so I am trying to get someone on my side to help me. I just found out some very juicy information yesterday that I am wrestling with right now. It’s hear say and I don’t know if it’s actually going to happen but if it does it’s going to be the nail in the coffin. It’s supposed to happen sometime this month so I am trying to decide if I want to hang around to witness it and capture more evidence or if I want to start the process and roll out now. My options are if I hang around for this to happen than my options are so much higher when it comes to child custody/ support . He doesn’t have any ground to fight I basically have something on him and unless he doesn’t want to get into trouble he doesn’t have anything to fight about. But on the other hand I don’t know if I can stand around and watch it happen emotionally without it killing me. This is what I am struggling with or I just say f*** it and take let him go through with it and take the information to my lawyer and prepare to fight. They will have a lot to answer for because he will be breaking the law more so than she will be. He could be looking at some jail time and that’s another thing do I want my kids father in jail? Like I said in the beginning a lot of decisions to make and I’m afraid to make the wrong one.
yeah that’s what I am thinking. I have to wait until Tuesday when he’s back to work to contact the couple of numbers of that I was able to get yesterday for some lawyers. I don’t really have anywhere to go the local shelter won’t take me because the DA hasn’t happened within the past six months ( not enough room) they did direct me to a website to put my name in for housing but as everyone knows that is a long waiting list. My family is in another state and that will be complications with my son since he could call the cops and get me into trouble for parent kidnapping. So I am going to have to get a sensible plan in place before leaving so I am not doing anything wrong.
Hi DF47.
I'm so glad that U have a plan & U will be looking to advance things for both U & ur child.
As Hidden wrote to heck with it & go as it will be a good thing for ur own mental health & wellbeing too.
Is there anyway you can inform the police or adult services that U need to move U both to a different state ? I'm clueless with how the law works in America as each state have their own laws which is confusing in itself.
Now staying for a while longer , now this as U say will prevent him getting custody of ur boy. Now once & IF ( big if ) U gather this evidence , will U be free to take ur son out of state & to family ?
A separate suggestion, can you plan with family now about helping U , as far as U going there for a visit during holiday season be it Thanksgiving or Christmas , which hopefully he would agree with U both going .
Another suggestion if I may, start recording arguments on ur cell phone or another recording device & keep that for proof of verbal abuse & hopefully not physical.
As U know there are lots of good folks on here to help U with any questions U have & have experienced the same thing.
I wish U love and light on this journey & lots of strength to go through that dark tunnel toward the safety of urself & loved ones .
Dodgedhanda,
The laws here are just as confusing if not more so. I am trying to decipher and muddle my way through all the legal wording. I do know that in three weeks they plan on getting married legally in another State (here in the US that is against the law and consider bigamy in our State alone he can face up to 9 years in prison) we are still legally married. I am contacting a few lawyer firms on Tuesday and weigh out my options and see what I should do. He doesn’t know that I am in contact with any of my family because he has blocked them from everything when they started disagreeing with the lifestyle. I have to secretly talk to them through email or phone calls when he is not around so to your answer your previous question he won’t let me go visit them for the holidays. They are willing to do what they can to help me though. That is a question that I do have for a lawyer about leaving the State with my son. I do appreciate the time you have taken out of your day to answer or advise on my current situation. I appreciate it very much.
DF47, I always have time for people .
Now if they get married or if he asks for a divorce , U tell him , U will grant his divorce so long as he lets U & ur son to go to live where ever U want to ( even though we know its back home with loved ones ) . U metaphorically squeeze his sack until his eyes bleed if he breaks the law.
Ooo a thought , he hasn't already got a divorce behind ur back & got this other person to pretend to be U & thats why they planning a wedding out of state .
Also another thought when he goes to get married elsewhere , ask family to come get u both BUT thats dangerous but he is hiding something if he hasn't even checked to see if he can legally become a bigamist ? Another thought check to see if ur still married & i dont know if U married in the state ur living in or elsewhere.
He seems a very slippery character. Also i think take this thing about getting married with a pinch of salt as it could be a set up too , put nothing past him & always keep ur guard up at all times as they say in boxing.
Last thing if U need to chat , even if its just to let it all out with no judgement feel free to send message or chat here
I hope that u feel stronger knowing U have folks in this group ready to help U & a shoulder to lean on too
I'll end with wishing lots of love and light on ur journey .
wow that’s wrong I am so sorry are you doing ok I am here for you if you need a friend or someone to talk to
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