I was just a little girl (trigger warning)

Hi everyone, still some stress tonight. Short fast breathing, stiffness, right in chest, scared to close my eyes, but so tired.

Please keep me safe, they said they could always get me,) I’ll never be safe firefighters can always get in a house, and if I leave my house I may always see a firefighter, cop , law enforcement they are all related... I’m screwed if I stay in my home and screwed if I leave...

No one understands what fear I live in, how there are others besides the 2 firefighters there were their friends also a step father a priest an alter boy , the men from the fraternity on the same block as my grandparents house where I grew up.

What’s wrong with me???? Who’s next. I never want to feel gain, look again, taste again, smell again, look again. Sleep again trust again

I was just a little girl

[Hidden]

Bed

[Hidden]

It sounds like you are in real distress, I hope that you have someone you can reach out to soon. This is too much to bear alone, I really hope you can find relief.

[Beadgirl50]

Go to the rainn site and chat with someone online that can help you, I am so sorry you are feeling this way and your alone. Do you have a safe person to go to or call?

[Hidden in reply to Beadgirl50]

Yes, I do have someone to work with. The support there doesn’t feel like enough that’s why I’m here. But I’m not sure I’d like to go to another site, my family dr gave me this one.

[Beadgirl50]

online rainn.org

[Hidden in reply to Beadgirl50]

Thank you I will look into this.

[Beadgirl50 in reply to Hidden]

Are you doing ok? Worried about you

[Hidden in reply to Beadgirl50]

Hi, thanks for checking in. Perfect timing. I was just taking a smoke break on my back porch after finishing some cleaning. I feel better after getting some work done. My psychologist also called to check in with me and schedule some additional sessions. Thank you for looking out. Next time I will remember to say I am doing well now, I apologize.

[fauxartist]

I still have nightmares when I am extremely stressed, but over the years of therapy and understanding why....its changed a lot of the level of fearfulness I have. It has taken decades to come to terms with my child abuse as I had multiple abusers over the years as a child. This is an extremely difficult process, but you have to begin somewhere. I don't know what your history is really, I know that no one can really walk in your shoes, but many of us here have been abused, and we are survivors, and we are healing. Although I don't believe we can ever be completely healed, we can come a very long way from where we started in the process to have some kind of a life. I think writing about it without fear of judgement, or guilt or shame is a good start. I'm glad your sharing.