Walked out into nature
Did it
Took some meds
Fed it
Breaking heart
Said it
My heart beats hard
and quickly
Many birds sing
In the pastures I once played in
Me without a care except to write
the first boyfriend I ever had
I know his number to this day
Anxiety and depression
They compete so I will not sleep
No they never do leap for me
Yet I still want to fly and dive into my dreams
But I pay attention to the screams
So I will not sleep nor will I swim
I sink I sink again and again
I decide to get out tugging on angels wings
The cool air cleanses my mind for now
I will do it one day
And one day they’ll say
She really did it
And why they’ll want to know
Because my heart beats hard
And quickly
Anxiety and depression compete
So I can not really sleep
But definitely the biggest clue
Is that I knew I would never get out of it
My mind
The creatures climbing around in it
So I drew them
Or I quit drawing
Either way
There they are
Inside my mind out in out in
Torturing from a place that tempts me
And forces me to hate myself
Until they are strong and I become weak
And if I can only remember the pastures fleeting
Then allowing A little Freedom run through me leave run through leave
And over grapevines soon
To the wolves howling
Protecting gently
Pleading for me to stay free
If only I could have stayed there running
Like the blood in my veins pump pump pump pump
But i left a lost body dead
And all the way home I didn’t cry
I stand holding a sharp axe now
chopping the door down
I look at the writing of me
Writing of a child
It haunts me that it is me
How would I have known
It makes me feel so left behind
This path I follow needs to end
Then as I defend those with me
That’s when
I drew from again
Drewfrom my mind
The colors which leapt and escaped and showed me the way out at last.