Trigger warning: self harm

[Solidrain]

Self-harmed for the first time again in 3 years. I’m so ashamed. At the time I couldn’t even feel what I was doing because I was so numb, but now I’m just embarrassed. I just want to heal, I never want to feel like that again.

I’m in a much better headspace now, but I can’t help but feel so awful every time I look at the place I self-harmed. I feel like I should be over this. I never thought I’d get into such a place where I’d self harm again, but here I am. Does it ever get easier?

[Windyred]

I have never self harmed but have definitely had occasional bouts of suicidal thoughts. Life can be so hard. What the chemistry in our brains and our past trauma has done to us isn’t our fault but is something we have to continually try to overcome. Please don’t be embarrassed though. Sharing with this group is brave. You’re very courageous in asking for help and support. If you keep working, you will find life can get better. Praying for you!

[fauxartist]

Do not feel shame or guilt, you had an episode....yes you have to heal....but what's more important ....are you in therapy....what caused this build up is what you should deal with now....move towards resolving this and don't stay stuck on what you can't change, it is what it is....now is what matters.....

[Solidrain in reply to fauxartist]

I’m currently not in therapy, I cannot afford it on my own, but I am planning on asking my parents to help me pay for therapy when I go home for the holidays.

It’s been a mixture of things that lead me down that path. I’m running out of medication and can’t see my doctor in time, so I’ve been taking my meds every other day and the withdrawal symptoms are horrible. It’s exam season (I am a university student), and the withdrawal symptoms are making it difficult to study. On top of that I’ve been having major issues with my long time boyfriend who I live with.

My head feels clearer now, it was good to get this out. Thank you for the support.

[fauxartist in reply to Solidrain]

I'm so sorry that the health care system has failed so many people like you. It shouldn't be about the cost of meds or therapy in a country as rich as the US is. I will never understand it. I do hope you keep sharing because for me personally, it does help to at least connect to others about our issues. There are others here who have this issue, but most are silent because of social stigma. I am dual diagnosed, but no one wants to talk about addiction just the depression. That's okay though, each to their own comfort...and at least there is no judgment, shame, blame, or embarrassment here...you can be honest because you’re anonymous.

[Poodie in reply to Solidrain]

Can you call your doc. Sometimes if you schedule an appt they will write you a script to tide you over. I really doubt if they would want you to cut down to ev other day.