I may have have lost a great friend. When I was in a terrible place she was always there for me She always treats me nicely if I call now but she used to call me a lot but she never calls anymore like she used to so I’m thinking of letting go but I’ll miss her.... She is gone because I stuck to my morals and told the truth when she straight up asked my belief about a subject being do I think it was wrong that she stole from a company uuuummmmm yes I said it was wrong I do believe it’s wrong to steal period but I also emphasized how I think she is a good person I just don’t agree with stealing. Sigh. I feel like if she’s going to be that way and not contact me it’s probably no use trying to talk to her more about the subject or am I so wrong?!?
Should I try talking to her about it again even though I’ll probably get the same response and end up just upsetting her more? I think I already made my decision I think I must just let it go and not contact her anymore ...she is pretending to want to talk which I’m not cool with you know that’s how I feel... sad... so I won’t contact her again although I love her so. I don’t really want to bring it up and if she ever contacts me again then that’s very cool you know? Just wanted to let this out and see what others think.
Thank you!!!!!
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Starrlight
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So sorry. It's hard deciding what to do about a dear friend. People often ask questions they already know the answer to hoping we will respond with the words they want to hear. My best friend and I have been friends for over 50 years. I love her like a sister. But there have been times our friendship is strained. We both just back off. Giving each other time. Then one of us reaches out and we move forward. I hope with all my heart this will be the case with you and your dear friend. HUGS ❤
That’s awesome over 50 years! I know I love my friends like sisters too. True. I have a friend I’ve known since kindergarten and I let her get away with some shit. She is so special to me. In this particular case I’ll wait for her. If she doesn’t try then it’s a loss I think at this point. I’m just trying to process it all at this point you know?
I should bring the stealing crap situation up you think? You think I should say I did not mean to hurt her by my comment? Ugh Sometimes the hardest thing is the best thing to do, huh? YOU ARE RIGHT ❤️ That’s what Loving is!!!!! And if it doesn’t work then it doesn’t but I would have tried!!!!! How can I thank you!? Huge hug!!!!
I would find a nice way to say you don't want to discuss the stealing if it comes up. Tell your friend you want to move past that and talk about what's going on now. I've had to set this limit myself. Luckily it worked well.
I think you should as it’s not acceptable, see if she has an answer fir her actions, and move past it, whatever way it’s tough, but you will know in your heart you have tried , you are a super lady and a good soul. A friend of mine now won’t speak to me because I won’t have the vaccine, for medical reasons, and I have known her for 30 plus years, but I am still trying to salvage the friendship. ❤️
You are amazing and I hope your friend realizes what an amazing friend she’d miss out on. And thank you for helping me realize that I should keep trying for the friendship. Best to you always. I’m so so sorry your friend is treating you so horribly it’s just not right and you are super and brave and wow I’m lucky you are my friend. Love you ❤️
Hi it’s Shnookie. Sorry 😐 U R going thru this. I think that U have made the right decision about distancing yourself from your friend. It is a moral dilemma but U have expressed your opinion and your friend needs to accepts this. Have a peaceful day. Hugs 🤗 S
I read the above comments with U and Mrs PJ. It has caused me toPause. Since U two R so close, it would make sense for U two to communicate with each other. I hope things can work out for U 2
This post also helped me. I have a friend who is a functioning alcoholic. She can be a nasty 🤢 drunk. I have been very supportive of her and she has been generous to me and was supportive when my mom died. With her it’s literally at times a conversation by conversation relationship.
I had a similar thing happen to me about 6 mos. ago. I had a long time friend who was always there to talk to. She and I helped each other immensely. I depended on her in my worst times and she was there for me.Then one day I said something that she just flew into a rage about. I didn’t think it was that bad a statement, but she took offense to it and lit into me like I would have never dreamed anyone could do. It hurt me so much and I tried to say how sorry I was and to make things right, but she became abusive and I had to sever our relationship. It pained me greatly for she was someone I relied on and I felt like a piece of myself was lost forever.
Recently I wrote her a note encouraging her to write just to tell me how she is from time to time. I thought maybe time would heal wounds. We’ll see.
But I certainly understand the pain you are in. Hopefully you can lean on others for this loss. I send you healing thoughts, Starrlight 💕🌷
Wow you very much understand. Only in this situation instead of lighting into me she pretends and plays a game with me. I don’t think she will even be real with me when I or if I confront her. I’m all about being real and genuine. I sincerely want us to talk it out. But,..., I guess I’ll find out if she can do that or if she will pretend she didn’t care ... if she pretends I’ll say then why ever since then you never called me once? Then it’s on her. And tic she lies to me that will seriously piss me off! I am sooooo sorry for your loss and I really hope your friend writes back. You deserve good friends. You are brave for writing her.
My friend is bipolar and most of the time her medication had kept her stable. But I believe she was having a bad time of it when we had our disagreement. I have known her since our children were little and we reconnected when I was at a most painful time in my life. She got me through it and I am sorry that we have lost touch again. I am very thankful for help and always was willing to give her my time when she needed it. Things will work out if they are meant to be.
Thank you I feel ok about it all I just have to wait now it’s a little hard wondering and I can picture waiting for a long time. Oh well my soul does feel better. I guess you and I will wait together with happier souls. ❤️ ❤️ 😌
I heard back from my friend. She called. She wax mystified. Like what are you talking about? She had no memory of what I was referring to and is not mad at me at all. My paranoid mind had made it up. The conversation happened but not a big deal to her but was to me to the point I got obsessed with it. Ugh She is going through a terrible time right now she told me with her personal life and I could relate so she confided in me about it and our friendship is stronger than ever. Glad I reached out. I feel for my friend. I wish I could do more than pray and listen but I’m happy we are close and I did not loose her. We both don’t like the phone that much so we will call still but email more.
It's difficult, but I think you're right to be honest and stick to your principles. I don't think I would bring up the subject again. She knows your opinion. Sometimes, to move forward we have to just let it go. Knowing we can't always agree on every subject. It would be a shame to lose such a long term friend though. Don't let it play on your mind too much Starlight. ✌️
Just read through all of this and I love that it all turned out well for you in the end Starrlight and good for you for reaching out to her the way you did. It's a great example to me of how those of us with anxiety thinking can misinterpret things and blow things totally out of proportion and get ourselves so worked up over nothing. Glad it worked out.
Thanks for taking the time to read through design guy! Thanks so much for caring. Yes anxiety is the culprit isn’t it? It’s acts insanely! It’s ridiculous. I feel like I have to be really careful. We’d ike to be able to trust ourselves right but with this anxiety ( and for me bipolar ) how can we? Oh well we do our best and that’s all we can do our best. I just have a sick feeling though like how can I relax you know like I have to keep checking myself. Any good ideas as to how to trust? Just do it right? Just trust no matter what mistakes may occur? That’s what I think. What do you think?
I think you are on the right path with just doing it and trusting that it will work out. Anxiety is a paradox, the more we resist it the more it persists so twisted as it sounds, the answer lies in surrendering, giving up control and accepting whatever happens. The reality is that the only real "control" we have in life is over our next breath so real "control" is surrendering to whatever happens knowing that we will be ok. For me learning that the actual role of anxiety is to protect me and then learning to never believe my anxious thoughts or feelings, no matter what, has been very helpful especially during stressful times. Learning and practicing mindfulness has been very helpful as a way to achieve it. It's also been helpful for learning to tune out my inner critic and start making friends with it.
I think investigating and knowing why we developed anxiety is also very valuable in getting the right treatment for it. For me, I developed social anxiety as a result of childhood bullying and a repressive home environment where I was punished and shamed for getting angry and not allowed to defend myself. i was always on guard and on high-alert. Part of my therapy has not only been for the anxiety but also c-ptsd for the bullying/trauma where I made big gains toward recovery. Best you.
Wow thanks for that! I agree with you. I love practicing mindfulness being in the present and deep breathing. Especially when I’m too anxious to do yoga or meditation. Mindfulness and breathing can be done snyehrre at any time.
I am trying to stay away from people who are triggers for anxiety, two people in particular in my family. One of them I would rather not see her again but I know I will ugh some people seem like they have no feelings.
I’m happy you’ve made such great progress - keep up the good work!
P.s. I was also shamed as a child for getting angry.
Good for you Starrlight, sounds like you are doing good work and on the right path too.
I know what you mean about triggering people, I have two brothers that i'm low contact with over mostly politics and racism. We fought all the time as kids and are still doing it as adults, I refuse to play the game anymore. My youngest brother is a narcissist which makes it more challenging. Fortunately I live on the other side of the U.S. from them. I was always the "different" one (creative) in the family, which I am so thankful for now.
Thanks for the support and encouragement and same to you.
You know what else? I just broke ties with my sister yesterday. A very mean person. I’m ignoring her hateful texts today. But I’m having a great day because of my family quality time with my kids abd because of nice people here like you.
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