Esa reassessment waiting time panic

[jembella-]

Hi. Well I have crippling anxiety and depression. First time around I had to go through a mandatory reconsideration and it passed without going to the tribunal. I hear that is rather rare.

Hit the 3 years mark and had to go to the assessment centre with my stepdad (couldn't cope going alone) in December 2018.

I don't really think there ever is a good time but it doesn't really help just before Christmas. This time around I sort of know what to expect but I'm terrified in this waiting stage all the same.

It's been a different kind of year. I met my first ever boyfriend at 25 in April. I see him once or twice a week. He's supporting and we've been dating 7 months or so.

I never go out alone and pretty much rely on my mam and stepdad for most things. It's embarrassing and frustrating but I try to take each day one day at a time.

I feel angry and bitter most days. I was emotionally and partially physically abused by my dad when I was younger. Cystic acne and crippling bullying throughout my adolescence certainly hindered me to a halt.

I know I can't expect a miracle.. I try to be a realist but I do genuinely hate myself even with support now. Just feels like the esa assessment made me worse. I was crying before the appointment. Had a panic attack during the appointment. Probably scared the nurse a little. She was nicer than the first one. I just hope the report won't be full of lies like last time.

I guess I needed to rant somewhere. But I am afraid of the outcome and it is purely a waiting game. Sorry to be a bother.

[mellowMaryDi]

You are not alone, dear!! Hold on snd be grateful for those positive people who love and support you. No feeling can last forever, as much as bad feelings like to make us think they will.

You are a warrior. I KNOW you've got this!!

[jembella- in reply to mellowMaryDi]

You're very kind. I am grateful to have a support system. My brain struggles to try and not over think everything. It's difficult and complex. I just hope the decision letter/call will be a good outcome

[Xena13]

This is a good place to vent. You sound like me a long time ago. I don’t know what therapy or help you are getting but you can feel good about your life. Keep working!

[Hidden]

I'm in the same boat, waiting to hear. It's horrible. I feel for you!

[jembella- in reply to Hidden]

the waiting time is the worst