Hi. Well I have crippling anxiety and depression. First time around I had to go through a mandatory reconsideration and it passed without going to the tribunal. I hear that is rather rare.
Hit the 3 years mark and had to go to the assessment centre with my stepdad (couldn't cope going alone) in December 2018.
I don't really think there ever is a good time but it doesn't really help just before Christmas. This time around I sort of know what to expect but I'm terrified in this waiting stage all the same.
It's been a different kind of year. I met my first ever boyfriend at 25 in April. I see him once or twice a week. He's supporting and we've been dating 7 months or so.
I never go out alone and pretty much rely on my mam and stepdad for most things. It's embarrassing and frustrating but I try to take each day one day at a time.
I feel angry and bitter most days. I was emotionally and partially physically abused by my dad when I was younger. Cystic acne and crippling bullying throughout my adolescence certainly hindered me to a halt.
I know I can't expect a miracle.. I try to be a realist but I do genuinely hate myself even with support now. Just feels like the esa assessment made me worse. I was crying before the appointment. Had a panic attack during the appointment. Probably scared the nurse a little. She was nicer than the first one. I just hope the report won't be full of lies like last time.
I guess I needed to rant somewhere. But I am afraid of the outcome and it is purely a waiting game. Sorry to be a bother.