Just another "Misfit" toy

[Rudolph26]

You know what I find strange? I have major depression issues; yet, the moment I try to help someone with what they are going through, I feel better. Is it because it gives me a sense of purpose? Is that what I really am searching for?

My mind cages my thoughts, and I often wonder. What is the point? If God doesn't exist, is there a point? and if he does exist, shouldn't I be doing more? What am I missing? Why do I feel this hole in my core? Why do I yearn for something; yet, can never put words to what that "something" is? People tell me I should smoke weed to cope with my depression, that I just need to "relax." People tell me that drinking is fun and that partying is the life, but why is it then that each time I go out I see so many empty faces?

Fake laughs, fake conversations, fake smiles. That or high/ drunk ones. Why are people only considered "fun" when they are everything but themselves? Why do we feel pressured to get high to be considered opened minded? Why is one considered sheltered if they don't want to drink? What is so wrong with wanting more to life than the pub next door?

Maybe the problem I have with the world is that few want to accept people when they are the misfit of the group. You're only considered important if you become essential to others. How screwed up is that?

[Coyote93]

It is truly sad that society glorifies the use of substances to become someone you're not, or to be considered "fun." Everywhere you look someone is coming of age and then it's all about going to bars or clubs and discovering how much alcohol someone can hold before they're sitting in front of the toilet for the rest of the night.

I also find no glory in a drink at the end of the night nor do I really enjoy being around those that do. I would rather people get to know the real me then a drug/alcohol induced version of myself.

Welcome to the Island of Misfit Toys, Rudolph!

[Rudolph26 in reply to Coyote93]

Thanks Coyote93. I also like to get to know the sober versions of people. It doesn’t really matter to me whether or not they are entertaining, what matters to me is whether or not they are real, and real is good enough for me.

I think that is one of the problems. A lot of people only want others around if they are entertaining, but the moment they get bored they act like the “friendship” never existed. This being said. I have met some real people and it does feel like the island of misfit toys. However, I would much prefer an island with people that are real verses contributing to the world of masks and painted smiles.

So, thanks for the welcome if you ever want to talk, even if it’s about nothing in particular or important, feel free to shoot me a message

[Coyote93 in reply to Rudolph26]

The same goes for you, as well. I'm always willing to talk. 🙂

[felishawri00]

I feel the same way. I feel like im always helping others but im just a black unfulfilled hole with no purpose.

[Rudolph26 in reply to felishawri00]

Yeah, I don’t like that feeling. It sucks, but I feel like there is something more. Sometimes I think that bettering myself is part of it; which, is partially the reason I joined this platform. I wanted to get a different perspective and was curious if this would help me deal with depression. Anyway, I do believe we all have a purpose, but I think it’s sometimes hard for us to achieve or discover at times. What’s strange is that this hole I feel inside of me is not always empty. There are times when I do feel complete. But then it begs the question as to why that is, and why did it derive from? That source, that energy, and enlightenment, it feels so distant...

I hope one day we both will be able to fill that void. In the meantime, if you ever need or want to talk. I’m only a message away. Maybe we can find out a cure to our isolated souls together.

[Sassy76]

I struggle with not feeling needed and wanted. I look for people to help all the time. Being helpful to others makes me feel good about myself. But I also feel like I get used. I can be as nice as I can but it doesn’t make me any real friends.

[Rudolph26 in reply to Sassy76]

Yeah, I often feel the same way. It never feels good to be used. Especially when your feel emotionally drained yourself. You know, it kinda reminds me of the story of the Little Dipper. If you don’t know the story it goes as follows: a little girl had a very sick mother and the whole land had a drought going on. The little girl knew that if she didn’t get some water for her mother she would die. So, she grabbed the Little Dipper that she had and went out to the deserted land in search of water and after searching far and wide, she found some and filled the dipper to the brim. On her way back to her mother she found a dog who was dying of thirst. She took pity on the animal and gave it a drink. Strangely enough the water remained full and the dipper turned to pure silver. As she journeyed further, back to the house, she met a man who was also dying of thirst. She gave him a drink as well, and when doing so, he thanked her for the kindness. The dipper was still full and the dipper turned to gold. She got back to her mothers house and gave her the water and the man (of I remember correctly rewarded the little girl, I think he healed her mom?) anyway, the end of the story, the Little Dipper shot up to the sky so everyone would remember the kind dead of the little girl.

I may have a few things wrong in the story but it’s been a while lol. Anyway, point is, kindness of other may be overlooked for a time but I promise you, it never is returned void permanently. I hate feeling used and it happens often. However, I eventually made some real friends who I would die for. It took me 24 years to find them, but it was worth the wait.

Anyway, thank you for your comment, and if you ever want to talk, please message me. I like having real people in my life. So, I will never turn away a person who wants to talk, even if it’s about nothing in particular. I wish you well Sassy76

[Kainan]

Hi. yeah sadly that is the case. I think people are chasing that high. that feeling. It's not so much about the drink. It's that way with anything, drugs, gambling...even this, helping others. I don't drink and I don't feel like drinking makes you any more "fun" or likeable. Who you are on the inside; that will get through to the other person every time. When we are comfortable with who we are, we don't need to be anything else than who we are already. I used to feel a lot of pressure in college to drink cause everyone else was. But nowadays, I just flat out say that I don't drink when people ask me. I don't feel any pressure whatsoever. And I think people can understand and respect that