Abusive mother

I just got up from a nightmare with my abusive mother in my face, I heard myself talking back to her for the first time, I never did before because I was too scared of her. When is this ever going to stop! PTSD lives inside of you.

[fauxartist]

Sadly it is a very long process to learn to cope with this kind of abuse. Because it took a long time to do the damage, and it's so deeply engrained in us, we almost always have some residual for most of our life. But with therapy, and groups like ACOA...which also deal with dysfunctional families, you can get some really great information, understanding, and connections to know how common this is for many of us.

I have CPTSD which is a long term abuse issue, and even today I still am dealing with the nightmares....but now they are much more vague and indifferent. Over time and with help yours will be too. I eventually had to cut off all contact with my abusive parent, which was over 11-12 years ago, I'm starting to forget now because I just subconsciously am letting go. I couldn't dream of doing that for most of my life because I held onto the illusion that someday maybe my mother would change and be a loving parent....it's not possible for a sociopath to change. But I do believe some parents can...especially ones that have gotten help themselves. But you’re the one that has to change what boundaries you need to put in place to protect yourself from further abuse.....because some never change.

[Hidden in reply to fauxartist]

My other died 10 years ago.But the abuse started from which I remember 5, till the day she died . I had to disconnect front my sibling who didn’t care, or do anything at all, or care all my life, in fact they became my abusers after she died , saying, and doing cruel things to me. My sister passed away in Oct. with no remorse. But I did contact her after many years to see how she was. She was cold, and mean , as she always was. So I had to stop for my own health. But I did go to her services, treated like a non human being.My brothers still alive, so I’m done. My father died 14 years ago, he didn’t protect me either.

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

I can relate to that as my mother was abusive too and I was scared of her. She encouraged division amongst my siblings too which continues to this day. I hope you can find closure and peace. x

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you❤️

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you, you too❤️

[fauxartist in reply to Hidden]

You’re not alone here....as you can see, there are others like yourself here sadly.

[Michalbaner]

My heart goes out to you. As someone who has grown up in loving family, I cannot imagine what it had to feel like to be abused by the very person you relied on the most for your love and nurtuting.

Dr Gabor Matte speaks on this topic a lot how our suffering is connected to our childhood traumas. Perhaps have a look into his books if one of them resonates.

Another book on the topic is "Healing the Shame that Binds You" by John Bradshaw

There are lot of spiritual cleansing exercises such as meditation and deep mindful yoga that can help one release the trauma. It is absolutely possible but not easy and not quick.

Life Coaches are incredible therapists that can help with things like shadow work and making piece with people who hurt you in the past Sometimes these therapies can be slightly pricy but incredibly helpful.

Never accept any negative present conditions, there is always a way out and sometimes the

paradise is just on the other side of the dark abyss that has to be crossed.

Much love <3

[Hidden in reply to Michalbaner]

Thank you. I have been though many therapies, including yoga, mindfulness, reiki. Sound therapy, light therapy , TMS, so many I can’t count, But I will continue on.❤️ I will read those book.

[Dolphin14]

I suffered the same. Sad that so many of us have.

My personality is based on my abuse. I'm trying hard to change that.

I've read the Bradshaw book a few times. Adult children of alcoholics is great in helping understand dysfunction.

Just have to keep working at healing those wounds.

[Hidden]

My mother was abusive too. She’s still living and I had to cut all ties from her and my father. I’ll never have closure, unemotionally available, it was like living in a prison.

I’m hoping the dream you had maybe something that’s trying to bring you closure. Standing up to your mother, something you never were able to do.

[Hidden]

Yes I never said anything back to her. The last time I saw her three years before she died. She had kicked me at the phycatris office , even in the dr, office I couldn’t say a word ,I was shaking, and the tears were coming down my eyes. I didn’t say a word in the car, and dropped her off, and never saw her again until she die. I cried for myself not her!

[Mrspjsmom]

In a few weeks it will be the anniversary of my mother's death. Even though she died in 1986 so much pain still lingers. I have two siblings and have had to cut contact with one of them. My sister is toxic and can be more abusive than my mother ever was. I still try to stay in contact with my brother but he has had some serious medical issues the last few years and has become withdrawn. But if I ever needed him I know he would be there. The way my brother and I deal with memories of my mother is by not talking about her. If I start to say something he will stop me but in a kind way. It's an unspoken bond between us. We both suffered. As a mother myself I tried to be different than my mother was. My children are now grown and even though I 'm far from perfect it seems like I broke the cycle of emotional abuse I suffered. Unfortunately our mother's stay with is even after they die.

[Hidden]

For me, a friend or family member that will be there for you, or each other is the best thing. I never had anyone all these years, but finally a rekindled friendship of a best friend cares about me, as I do her. It really helps to talk about it, not be silent ,you got to get it out. My PTSD therapist has had me yell scream , take my fist, act like I’m punching out my abuser.. Do, and say what ever I feel, like one day I had to pass the cemetery where my mother is at. I usually won’t look that way. But I took a sharp turn to the left, then to her grave. I didn’t care who saw me, and I stopped at her grave telling what I wanted to tell her, which I never could, and I told my dead father next to her, you didn’t protect me either. It felt so good. I left there feeling good, when on my way to where I had to go. I told my PTSD therapist, she said good for you. I have broke the cycle with my children too. No one is perfect, but I’m a good mother, and I know it. My best to you. Ask you brother, can we please talk about, it might just help us.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I agree. The Gestalt Method called Empty Chair is amazing and powerful. Sit across from an Empty Chair and that chair so to speak is your abuser facing you. You are safe. Scream yell cry whatever you get it out as much and as many times as you need to. I'm a Therapist and have used this technique. Some folks think Therapists are absolved from life's problems because " we should know how to handle everything" Absurd!

Punching bags are great too.

My blessings

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Yes I have done that method many times with my PTSD therapist. I even stomped on her grave. If anyone saw me they probably thought I was crazy but I don’t care.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Did you ever read the book which got rave reviews.."The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F***" by Mark Manson? The title throws people off, I think, from reading it, however over two million sold with excellent reviews...about worrying what other people think. I give you kudos for having so much courage....I read it from the library and decided I needed by own hard copy so I bought it.

Good job on the grave stomping 💪excellent therapeutic intervention. I'm so glad you said "I don't care"! 👌

People need to focus on themselves instead of other people..and not pass judgement.

I cannot ever imagine what you're going through..and I'm so sorry., you did not deserve this, ask for it in any way, shape or form...you are not to blame.. surround yourself with support and kick the others to the curb. Continue therapy... I'm here for you. Blessings

[Hidden]

Try this to help get your feelings out. It's called Empty Chair and it's a Gestalt Method of Therapy. Sit yourself across from an Empty Chair and the other chair is your mom..so to speak..do this as much as you need...talk tell scream and cry at the chair letting Everything out saying what you want and holding nothing back. I'm a therapist ( people have the notion that since I'm a Therapist I should have no problems which is absurd).

Do this as much as you need. Also a punching bag helps.

Blessings