Mother troubles AGAIN

[lovedogs51511]

I don't mean to use this site to talk about my mom but she treated me like absolute crap tonight!!! It hurt to my soul!! I just upped my dose of adderall to 20 mg capsules once a day which I'm stopping. I felt great all day until late this evening. I was trembling uncontrollably, limbs hurt and went numb and could barely breathe. I went out to sit by her in case something happened. What does she do but walk away ignoring like a piece of trash. Oh and then said quit whining when she came back!!! Wtf??? Am I wrong about how mean that was? Totally uncaring. Maybe I took it wrong. She says you were breathing and I could barely breathe. She said later that I was just trying to calm you down! Yea freaking right cold hearted asshole that she was being. Excuse my language I apologize. I took a tiny bit of cbd and immediately stopped shaking and could breathe. Anyways I do apologize for complaining about her on here. I just don't know if I was being too sensitive and taking it the wrong way. She is pretty cold hearted about mental illness. I guess if you don't suffer with,it I guess there's absolutely no understanding from the other person. Thanks all and have a great night and great day tomorrow!!😊☺

[zevietnameseguy98]

So sorry to hear that. I hope you have a good night sleep at least. Best of luck and good wishes to you. Stay strong xoxo.

[jkl5500]

I am truly sorry that you were treated that way. I hope this doesn't make you feel worse, but yes, you would expect your mother, of all people, to be there for you when you're feeling down. I'm sure it was hurtful for you.

When we were kids, we thought our parents were perfect in every way, and always right about everything. As we grew up, we realized that they were really full of faults and imperfections, just like everybody else (including us).

I hope you can take the high road on this and forgive your mother for her faults.

[lovedogs51511 in reply to jkl5500]

I can forgive her for her faults. I've got plenty and I know I do but she tells me to fuck off if I tell her how she's acting. One extreme to another is all. I don't tell her that! We are just oil and water!! I need to leave her house and go back to my apt for a break. I really don't want to fight with her. It made me more mad I think than hurt I guess. Thanks for responding. I really appreciate it!!😊☺

[jkl5500 in reply to lovedogs51511]

One other thing: If you check the profile of the other fellow who posted, you'll see that he lives in the US, so I doubt very much that he eats dogs.

[lovedogs51511 in reply to jkl5500]

Oh ok I just love dogs!!🐾🐶💝 I couldn't help but ask trying to understand. Ill erase those if I can.

[jkl5500 in reply to lovedogs51511]

I know lots of people who own dogs, and they treat them just like a brother or sister. So I know how you feel.

[lovedogs51511 in reply to jkl5500]

Ok I deleted them.

[Hidden]

No, our families don’t understand. I think they act like your mother when they become frustrated when we lack progress. They would suck it up and move on! When we don’t behave accordingly, they become frustrated. At least that’s what I think 😉 Try and be patient with her as she’s probably suffering too, only on a different level. The level of a parent. I wish I could help people with the realization that you don’t need family/friends’ understanding in order to recover. The need to be understood can take place here in this forum. Forget about being understood and begin taking action to help yourself feel better. Rely on yourself! When you begin feeling better, you’ll see their eyes light up when you enter the room! They can’t help us take the necessary action to heal...that’s our job individually. Wishing you the best!!

[lovedogs51511 in reply to Hidden]

Ill really take that into my thoughts when she acts cold or mainly angry when having mood swings. I agree with you and I thank you!!💝😄

[Hidden in reply to lovedogs51511]

Of course!

[fauxartist]

do not apologize....this is the forum to vent....and your right....your mother was not and seems not to be able to be there for you. You go to a parent looking for comfort and understanding.....but some just don't have it to give. They are switched off and cold. Yet we continue to hope they will somehow be different or change the next crisis we go to them with. Usually they don't change. So you have to change and realize that she won't. When parents or family act like that....it could be for a number of reasons, but no matter what they are...it hurts. Deeply, and it's a pain that sears into your soul for sure. You have to learn to protect your heart....some family members aren't always the best for us....we have a disease and we need to feel safe and comforted....so we surround ourselves with those that will give us that the best we can...and we put up our bubble to deflect the ones who can't.

[lovedogs51511 in reply to fauxartist]

Thanks!! Your totally right and that's why I really love you all on here for the wonderful advice but everyone on here is so understanding and caring. My mom was cold the other night bit she supports me in other ways big-time. I think she just doesn't understand that mental illness is a real struggle for all of us. I always say to her, "Do you think I choose to be like this?" Or say I was born with it not my fault!! Anyhoo, I really appreciate what you said. Thank you again😊☺

[Hidden]

Aw Kacey I'm so sorry about your mom. I think it's time to take a break from her, be honest & up front with her. Moms should not be like that, it's 100% wrong. You know I'm here for you, message me if you want. I've got a mamo at 9 this morning should be back by 10 or 10:30 at the latest, if you want give me a ring! Stand strong for you, pish swish with your mom right now, it's okay to do that!!! All of my love & hugs for you!!!! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

[lovedogs51511 in reply to Hidden]

Oh Lisa your sweetheart💝 I just said prayers for you that today will all be ok with the mammogram!!! Its going to be ok!! Giving you HUGS right now!!!! Love you!!!!

[Hidden in reply to lovedogs51511]

Aw thank you, you're such a doll! I love you bunches & bunches! If you want give me a ring, I'll make you laugh, brighten your day which I love doing for you! Love & hugs my precious gem!!! XXX

[Starrlight]

Like I said before she is not understanding nor was she helping to calm you down but the opposite. I think a talk with her would do no good and so have some time away from her. I agree with Fauxartist, protect your heart. Any way you can. Maybe try ignoring her comments knowing her behavior isn’t because of you, it’s her that has the problem when she acts uncaring towards you. ❤️

[lovedogs51511 in reply to Starrlight]

Amen to all of you!! Your all so right! I do ignore her cause she does me. So when she comes home from work I just go in my room at the end of the hall away from her. Wish she'd go into her room at the complete end of the other side of this house! I want to go home but I need to help her put together some things she bought. I guess she needs me to hold pieces together. Just great! At least at home I can go for walks unlike here. The paved walkways behind her house for the new golf course aren't open yet. Can only sneak in on weekends. I don't want to fight with her so I'm going to at least go home for a week before I'm stuck in the car with her to Minot😵 HUGS Starr!!💝☺

[MrZee]

Dear lovedogs51511,

It’s amazing the power our mothers have over us. My mother is deceased. Yet throughout my whole life when I was in pain (hurt from being bullied) I’d come home and need my mother’s love and caring. Instead she’d yell at me, “I don’t want to hear it!” Yet when my older sibling was bullied she’d be there to coddle him. WTF??

Even into my adult years she never wanted to listen to my struggles.

But through my therapy I learned to forgive her. And I learned something from all this that I consider a gift:

In the human condition there’s some people we naturally hit it off with and there’s some we don’t. No reason why. That’s just the way life works. My Mom and I were never meant to hit it off. I know she loved me. And I loved her. But we just couldn’t connect. And now I get it.

A great movie to watch is “Ordinary People” where a mother and son don’t connect yet the son learns to forgive her. I highly encourage you to watch it.

I hope that helps.

Best,

MZ

[lovedogs51511 in reply to MrZee]

The movie sounds great. Yea I remember I talked with you about your mom maybe you don't remember. She sounds like a lovely lady but yea I get what your saying! My mom and I are oil and water. I'm pretty sure she's got ADHD. I have it and I know she's got it. I told her she acts just like I do and she freaked on me saying fuck off. Couldn't believe it. 😱😱😄😄 Its all good. She seems to think she's perfect with no problems. Hahaha yea right😄😄 Anyways I do forgive her. Today I had fun with her. I'm home for a few days so all good!!

[MrZee in reply to lovedogs51511]

And remember my friend, you and your mother are of two different generations. Her generation knew very little or nothing about mental illness. Whereas ours does.

My Mom had ADHD to the max. I probably got mine from her as well. When it comes down to it, my Mom was sweet. But she was also quite insecure. I think at times she was jealous of all my growth in therapy.

But Mothers are Mothers. They’re totally irrational but we can’t help but just love them.

Best,

MZ

[lovedogs51511 in reply to MrZee]

Too funny!! Your so right tho. Totally different generations!! Never thought of that so thank you☺ My mom is a really great lady but its like if she doesn't see it visually that I'm hurting then its like not real. If I had broken leg shed be sweet cause she can see that. Mental illness as ya know not visually a problem. Being that its seems like she thinks I'm choosing this behavior. Not sure if that makes any sense😄 Like going thru mood swings or depression she gets irritated at me or frustrated. Makes me feel like shit. I always tell her do you actually think I chose this behavior?? Seriously?? But all is good. Being home gives me time to miss her so by monday ill head back to stay a few more days with her. Just needed away from her a few days!! 😄😄

[MrZee in reply to lovedogs51511]

That reminds me so much of when I’d go to visit my Mom. We lived 500 miles away from one another. So when I’d fly to go see her, she was always so excited to see me at the airport. Then we’d get in her car to drive back to her place. I’d start talking and she wouldn’t listen to a word I said. Or it would just be totally silent in the car.

For years I thought there was something wrong with me.

On top of that, my mother was very popular and quite socially active with the community. Over the years people would tell me, “Your Mom is the best. She’s so sweet. And if I ever have any problems she’s always there for me.” I’d feel like shit hearing that because she’d be there for strangers and not her own son! WTF?

That’s the past and I learned probably what my mother did not like about herself, she saw in me. It took me a long time to learn that I’m not the one that was flawed after all.

My Mom was just who she was. It’s that simple. We didn’t hit it off. But we loved each other. Believe it or not, I do miss her that she’s gone. But she’s at peace now. And knowing her, she’s probably up there in the heavens socializing her ass off and having a ball. More power to her.

[lovedogs51511]

Omg they sound exactly alike!! I also get your mom is beautiful even at 71 almost 72!!! That's always made me feel worthless. She's always sweet, nice and the best exactly like your mom. This is great we're not alone! So thank you for this. Your mom acts just like mine too weird. I get to her house and she can't sit down ever until really late at night. So she's always doing something. Like last night I tried sitting out with her in the living room and she takes off putting together a new shelf. I just go back in my bedroom and bring the dog with me and stay in there when she gets home from work. That's why I came home for a few days. I can't thank you enough for your kindness and helping me thru this. Hope you have the best night. I'm sorry you lost your mom. She is at peace chatting away😄😄

[MrZee in reply to lovedogs51511]

I’ll tell you what. Next time you see your Mom, put your arms around her, look her in the eye, and say, “Mom, I love you.” She may not know how to handle that nor reciprocate back. But deep down she’ll hear you. And in the future after she’s gone, you’ll be so at peace that you took that one moment when you hugged her, looked at her and said, “I love you.”

The day my mother was on her deathbed, she was far gone but barely still alive and somewhat unconscious and out of it. I had jumped on a plane to get down there. I walked into her hospital room and saw her laying in the bed, eyes closed, with an oxygen mask. I bent down and said, “Mom, I love you.” She opened her eyes and smiled at me. Then she was back out of it and died a few hours later. You see, she waited for me to come.

That final look back with her smiling at me made up for all those times she wasn’t there for me when I was younger. But what an honor she waited for me to come before she passed. Other family members arrived. But I was the only one she opened her eyes and smiled at. What a memory that is. I was the last person she saw before departing. I feel very lucky. ❤️

[anxiousgirl7]

Sorry to hear that hugs

[lovedogs51511 in reply to anxiousgirl7]

Thanks but we're ok now thankfully. We're just total opposites. Just have to accept that we are who we are. All I can take is a few days with her and then need to go home for a bit before going back to her house!!!