I feel defeated

[Bray1567]

I thought for a five days I was over my depression but now I feel like all I did was lie to myself just to get by and now Imm back falling apart like all the fake healing I did was to just get by to have people feel I was okay. Pretending I am just peachy when everyday all I want to do is die. I want death more than I want to live. I’ve been feeling alone since I was a child. I keep coming to this same feeling in my life no matter how much I feel I can out run this truth that lies in me

[Batsy]

First, if you need more support than this website or if you are in an emergency please contact your local emergency services.

If not......please remember you're completely not alone! I've felt that exact same way, and you CAN do this. None of your healing was fake, they were just good days compared to bad days. Everyone has good days and then bad days. That's totally normal. It sounds like the bad is really overwhelming which I can totally relate to. I had a bad night last night. And I feel better today. Everyone is allowed to have bad days, and I know how frustrating it is when you were on such a roll having all good days and then this one horrible bad day just ruins that good streak. But you have to cut yourself some slack. We all have bad days.

And I know how hard it is to pretend to be happy and smiling and be supportive for others without telling anyone what's going on. But I realized I have to open up to people and they want to help or just talking about it makes me feel better. I've reached out to anonymous support groups when I was feeling really bad, and it helped a lot. I hope knowing you're not alone helps and I hope you feel better.

[Sprinkle1]

Can you go talk with a therapist, they are a wonderful support system. Or if you attend church, how about your minister? When we have mental illnesses we do have down days (usually too many), so try to be of good cheer, as the saying goes, "Fake it til you make it", it does work I have tried it. I have just come out of a 3 year trip thru hell, and now on the right med's I am happy and rearing to go, every day. You will get better, all bad things and times end. Believe in yourself. If you feel suicidal call Suicide Prevention they are 24/7 No. is 988.

I believe in you, I send you strength, compassion, love and hugs with peace......Sprinkle 1......

[pink318]

Hello- I know it’s hard to pretend to be happy. I experienced that many times and most of the time I need to support others even though myself is going through a tough time. I used to hide my feelings and not to share it to anyone but I found it too much to bear. It helps me to feel better when I open up to a trusted friend.

Sorry that you are going through this. Please know that you are not alone. We are here for you. Keep sharing. I hope you can find the support you need. Counseling and support group will be a huge help.

Praying for you for peace and you will get through this. God bless.