ever since i was in 5th grade, i was always the outcast, i was never the liked person,i was always the awkward kid that everybody didn't want to be seen near or around.
I had a brother,who was 2 years older than me, and I ended up trying to play video games with him and his friends,but his friends weren't happy, and neither was he eventually, they had always told me to get my own friends and tried to bully it out of me by telling me to kill myself and that my parents should have aborted me etc.
and I took that for 5 years. My brother was never really close to me,he never shared anything and never took any concern when i told him about my dark thoughts, he never cared. He stood along and even participated in the constant harassment of myself. During this time I had tried looking for friends,but was unsuccessful due to the fact that I lacked good social skills,and I ended up being stuck in this never-ending loop that i cannot escape,because I don't want to leave these toxic relationships, because I am scared of being alone and having nobody, the sad part is that i would rather be around people who are toxic than with nobody(by the way,all of this bullying is online,and some at school by the online people because my brother and i attend the same school)
I just don't know what to do because I am too scared to go to therapy because of the way the kids at school will treat me if they found out and also just the sheer embarrassment.
I don't know what to do to make friends or connect with my distant brother,because I am starting to thing of suicidal thoughts
Any help will be appreciated and I am sorry for burdening my problems upon the people here.
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Turquoise2605
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18 Replies
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You remind me of myself. You can be my friend
I was in your shoes too. I was the runt of 8 boys who were all jocks. Nothing sucks worse than to know you were different from the other boys. Still I tried to be like them and took their abuse. The out come wasn't pleasant.
I don't want you to even for one second believe what other say about you. You are worthy of respect and love. There are others like you and feel what you feel. I guarantee it. You are not alone feeling the way you do. There are friends to be made there somewhere. Don't lose hope and I want you to say to yourself. You are a good person worth being treated with respect. Others here will so the same thing because some of us all ready went through what you did. If you need friends come here and talk to someone. You are certainly welcome to private message me any time you need someone to care. I will remind you how important your life and presence on this earth is to everyone even if they can't see it yet.
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Well said.. good advice and guidance for anyone.. I hope Turquoise hears this and understands.
Hi..
A) if you're thinking of hurting yourself..call a crisis line now.
B) Life can surely suck at times
C) Toxic People are just that, TOXIC..to be healthy one NEEDS to be free of toxins.. to stay in toxic situations , like self harm is NOT an option.
E) do not let others determine your self worth..
F) Therapy is confidential by law.. No one can or should know unless you tell them or, in many case if you are "under age" (that varies state by state and by country.)
The road to good mental health is a long one, it takes work and commitment to yourself to make the journey.. DO NOT give up. If you d, your tormentors win and that shouldn't be allowed to happen.
I told my daughter that when she walks in any room (school or work) to look for someone who looks scared or lonely. Go to that person. Her life changed. She was mistreated until I found out what was happening.
This changed everything. Don’t pick those that pick you. Go pick the lonely people who look scared. Be kind. They may not understand at first. They may not trust because they understand. But, you’ll start your own group.
My daughter ended up with friends at school and confidence at work to run the whole place.
Try it one time.
Don’t you dare listen to someone tell you to kill yourself. They are not in charge. They need to get their messed up life in order for saying things like that. I can’t help it your brother is a coward.
I like what you said about not picking those who pick you. That’s what I’ve always done. Those are the people who tend to dump me later. I’m afraid to put myself out there but I need to try a bit more.
Who needs friends anyway !ive left many toxic friendships and felt miles better you will be the strong one in the end!toxic people will only bring toxic things to your life you don’t deserve anything other than happiness and you choose that !right now your choosing to be unhappy associating with toxic people I can understand right now it’s difficult you sound like your still at school you need to confide in your parents this is not right the way your brother has acted when you leave school you will form great friendships right now you just don’t want to feel an outcast but trust me they will get their comeuppance and you will be winning. You don’t need therapy they do!can you tell a teacher about the bullying it’s so sad to read this you sound so young
Your brother is a jagoff. Talk to your parents about his treatment of you.
As far as therapy and kids at school finding out - the only way they’d find out anything is if you tell them. No reason for anyone to know that you are seeking therapy.
Start out with a helpline, a crisis line.
Talk to your parents. If you feel that you’d benefit from seeking therapy, do it.
Wow this seems so familiar. I’m sorry you have to deal with that especially from family. If you decide to try therapy, which I think is a great idea, you don’t have to share it with anyone if you don’t want to, not even your brother, it’s like your own personal self care. My only advice would be to help yourself first and the rest will follow. Don’t give up, it will get better. You posting here is a start. We’re here for you.
I’m the biggest nerd in the world. I’m also just ever so slightly arrogant. Just sayin’. I have amazing but few *heart* friends. The rest are great acquaintances. Other people are noise.
Please know how special you are, and you should never think of suicide. It's so very hard the stress and expectations people put on others to be accepted as a friend. With my experience true and faithful friends may be hard to find, but when you find that wonderful person that cares about you it doesn't matter about the hateful false people who only care of the pain of others to get what they want. Please look in the mirror and see how beautiful you are. Have conference in yourself and it's a privilege for anyone to be friends with you. You know who you are are, and never ever let anyone make you feel different. So many people live with so much pain and they take it out on others. You shouldn't take it personally. What a wonderful thing it is to be able to help others. You are strong and can take your own pain and make a difference in others lives.
Thank you guys for all the support,I never knew that random strangers on the internet could care more than anyone I know in real life❤️
I read your post and saw your age, you are so young and many things can turn around for you if you want them to.
I carried many things such as childhood bullying (well before the internet.but you can always shut the internet down and shut these people up) being different from everyone else including a toxic family environment well into my forties and ridding my self of these made all the difference in the world. Without writing a novel on my similar aspects, years later, being different is good, people that don’t accept that are bad, plus I believe that quality of friends not number of friends is what matters.
Hanging around toxic and negativity will only aggravate your circumstances and keep you from moving in a positive path. I don’t really have any friends, I am married though and it’s enough. Soul searching, learning more about your self, why you do the things you do as In keeping toxic people around etc, why or what in your life has caused low self esteem, perhaps lack of self worth will all come if you just keep working on your self. No one will put you first, you have to do that no matter if you are married, in a relationship, have children or demanding parents or friends in your life.
Analysis of self and life in general takes years, take it one day at a time, filling your life with things that bring you joy and happiness, and if you don’t have anything, find those things and center yourself around people that share the same interests and those that accept you, faults and all, otherwise excess people around just make excessive noise and complicate your process. Strength will improve daily...you are already strong, people don’t turn our circumstances around, you do. 🙂🌺
Sounds like the main thing you are lacking is some self respect. How else would you take that crap for 5 years ? Take some advice and go for some counseling. What is more important to you , having other people finding out or feeling better about yourself?
Take some advice from someone who has been there. Go for the counseling. As far as your brother is concerned he sounds like nothing but a punk and a creep. Forget about him and work on yourself. You probably are a fantastic person with so much to offer. You just need to learn how to care about yourself and please don't think you are burdening anyone. We are all here for the same reason. To share and care.
it's really great you are speaking out about it on here. therapy is just talking to someone, people who judge that don't understand it's benefit and it's none of their business to know anyways. you coming on here shows how you are fighting for your own voice and your own self value in a way. I see now this was 5 years ago. I hope you are doing well. taking care of yourself is nothing to be ashamed about, and as you continue living, you just see how it's really the foundation of your existence. yeah, once again I hope you are doing good.
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I just need to vent, any helpful advice?
How do I get over this?
How how how? 
Anxiety and obsessive thoughts
Who am I supposed to talk to?
