How how how?

[sad_watermelon]

As I said in my previous post, I find myself going towards people a bit too much. And if I don't do it, people usually won't come towards me. And that's why I started initiating talks, trying to make friends, trying to find people, etc.

The problem is that I'm tired of it, but in the same time I'm so afraid of being alone. I'm in this new country and I barely know anyone. I made a few contacts with a few people. One of them is a boy and the boy was rushing things, so it scared me and I ran away. So I don't talk to him anymore, which brings me with 3 classmates that I barely know and that probably I won't talk to a lot again because we are 150 people in my class, so it will be hard to meet again.

I really don't want to be alone and this fear of being alone keeps me going towards people and trying to make friends. I won't hide that I'm wishing to have a relationship, a romantic healthy relationship. The comfort it brings is on another level, but of course I don't want to rush things either. I want to make sure the person that I go into a relationship with is the right person for me and I won't make compromises.

But the thing is, so many people around me get other people to talk to them so easily and people go towards them, talk to them, try to meet them, when for me it doesn't work. If I am not the person to go and talk to the others, they won't come and talk to me and I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I find myself beautiful, I find myself smart, I find myself good-looking, I find myself normal, so I don't know what scares people that much. I don't think I look strange, I think I look just like a normal girl and I don't want to change anything. I mean, I don't want to look differently just for people to come towards me. I already look normally.

I don't know how do people make this? How do they get so many contacts? For example, now I talked with my friend and she ended a relationship a month ago and now she's into a new relationship and the guy who she was dating is in a new relationship too. My other friend met so many people from her university and actually they started talking to her, they started following her on social media, talking to her, while for me I was the one going towards people, asking them if they like the university or how do they feel or I once told a girl that I liked her clothes to start a conversation and it's so exhausting, it's difficult, it's hard and I'm tired of it but I don't want to be alone.

I don't have anybody here and I wish I could have somebody close and I won't lie to you that when I was in a relationship my closest person was my boyfriend and I miss this closeness so much. I know he was an awful person and made a lot of mental damage to me but this comfort, the security I had with him made things different. That's why it was so hard for me to get over it because I wanted the security, I wanted this comfort, I wanted to feel loved. Now that I'm all alone I don't have any of this and it's a hard time because it's a new town, new people, new school, all alone and I won't lie that having someone to hug me would be amazing, would be perfect.

I'm okay with the fact that what is meant for me will find me but I'm afraid of when it's gonna find me. I'm afraid that in a while I'll be still in the same situation, still alone, still with no friends, still with no connections with people…

A few weeks from now there will be a party in my university and I think I will go to it because there will be donkeys and I love donkeys (😂) I don't know what I should do there. Should I talk to people or should I wait for them to talk to me?

How do people make contact so easily? How do people get friends so easily? How do people get into relationships so easily? How did they do this? Why can't I do it too? Why is it always so different with me?

[LoveforAll41]

Hello again sad_watermelon. I think it is wonderful and mature that you ditched the boy who was moving to fast. I think it shows that you value a relationship but know what you want and what will really bring value to one. I think that you have to expect things will be hard initially in a new place... I don't make a ton of friends but it is usually through work or church or sports. Do you have some roommates or is there a possibility to move in with strangers? I always wondered what it would be like to do that... Hang in there, keep going to social activities, keep posting and feeling your feelings. ☮️

[BlueSkyWhiteCloud]

most relationships are superficial anyways. When you get in your 30s having “friends” really isn’t important. When I was in my 20s having friends was a huge deal. I was like you talking to everyone and trying to be friends with. It eventually got me in with some bad people and made my situations worse. I don’t have many friends now and I have less interpersonal issues. I’m still depressed and anxious but I don’t have a feeling of loneliness. I actually prefer to be left alone at this point.

[Alpakka123]

The answers to your questions is because people are different. Some people find socialising with others easier and some find it harder. Both are equally as fine

[gajh]

Yes you should go to the party. Yes you should talk to people and not wait for them to talk to you first. It is great that you want to make friends. Don't rush the relationship. Are there any groups you can join?

[sad_watermelon in reply to gajh]

not really sadly

[gajh in reply to sad_watermelon]

Are there any yoga classes or meditation classes anywhere nearby? I don't know if you would be interested in either. Just trying to think of places where it would be easy to meet people. Even a gym.

[Midori]

Just say hello, and leave it at that, unless the other person wants to continue the conversation, better to leave them wanting more than overloading them with information at first meeting.

Show some interest in them too; they may be just as nervous as you are.

Cheers, Midori

[Midori]

Take it gently, as many other students are finding their feet in a strange environment too, and may be just as shy as you.

Try a smile at first and if that gets a response, try again another day with a 'hello'. Don't try to push it as folk can be scared off by people coming on a bit hard and too soon.