What is the point?: I'm 44 years old... - Anxiety and Depre...

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What is the point?

Beachcomber75
Beachcomber75

I'm 44 years old with 2 kids. I work 50 hours a week at a very strenuous, stressful job. I come home, clean up, make lunches, attend to whatever the kids need & unwind for an hour before I pass out. Days off consist of cleaning, errands & to-do lists. I do make a point to go take a walk in nature, work out a bit & do some vegging though. My main problems are isolation & constant worry. My entire immediate family has passed on & I live 1000 miles away from "home" & my lifelong friends. I literally have no one to talk to. I travel to different stores all day for work so I just talk with acquaintances, not even "teammates". As the day goes on I really start with the "wish I were dead" thoughts. I feel like all I do is work & chores just for the privilege of breathing. I'm so sore, tired & disgusted with the rudeness of the general public when I get home. Not being a spring chicken I know I can't do this forever. What will I do then? I don't have health insurance as it is. I know there are people worse off & I should be thankful etc. but I honestly just wish I could stop participating in life. I truly just don't have the blind will to live that most people do.

12 Replies
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I am a complete stranger I know. However in disposition and sense of the times, we are in the same boat. No we aren't identical by no means. I don't know if we'll even agree on anything. I figure I feel what you feel. On that note I can honestly say you can count me in as a friend to talk to. You need a place to vent and you've found it. You need a person that will listen when you're frustrated and all seems too much, well you've found that too. Feel free to contact me any time and especially when things are their hardest most painful.

On one note you got a level up I don't, you've got kids. Something I sacrificed the option for someone I wanted in my life. I shouldn't have done that. I think that in it's self is a huge step up from where I stand. Still that's just me. I don't know how you're relationship is with them. You clearly have courage and strength to have come so far all ready. Even wise that you are even acknowledging there are hurdles ahead. I think those are HUGE points.

Cheers .

Hi Beachcomber75. Your post is so full of sadness it was hard to read as i can sense your despair coming through. Things always look so very different to people outside the situation but i can only say what i feel.

Give up the lousy job and move back to where you have family and friends. You have moved away from the the very things that make life worth living. I know i make it sound easy but surely to try and carry on as you are is even harder. At least looking into the possibility of moving might get you motivated to change things.

I really hope that for you and your kids sake that you reach out to some of those old friends and start exploring your options.

Thinking of you and hoping i have not made you feel worse.

Sheila1kerry

Xxxx

I would definitely think of a career change. You stated you can't do this forever. So, do something now before you burn out completely.

Easier said than done unfortunately.

Is there any opportunity for you to get to know others locally? Is there somewhere you and the kids could go to meet other families? I don’t know if you are religious but sometimes churches, temples etc can be a good place to start finding connection with your local community. Or perhaps online groups around a hobby so that you feel you have someone to connect to. I’m looking at a conservation group locally who need help, something like that might help to break the tedium and get you all doing something fun together as a family. Can your friends come to visit or you take a long weekend to visit them? Keep going though things can change although it takes a bit of time you have made the first step by sharing on here. Keep messaging us if you need to there is always someone awake and ready to reply.

That is a really good answer. It is so difficult when you feel trapped and alone but as you said there are ways to meet people. Reaching out has to be the answer to realising that you are not really stuck you may just need some help and support to lift you back up.

You have a husband/Wife to help? You don’t mention any? Maybe change careers? Your still young

I've lived with my boyfriend for 5 years. He's sweet for the most part but he's 5 years older, works a tough job with a long commute & pays most of what he does make to child support. He's getting old & creaky & cranky himself. He is definitely more optimistic for life then me but life has definitely worn him down recently. His baby sister just passed suddenly & unpleasant changes at work are getting to him.

Thank you everyone for responding. Moving back home really isn't an option as my 18 year old is stationed here & my 10 year old is in a great school. I really like the town where we live as it is at the beach it's just that I haven't made any friends. I don't drink so it's not like I go out & socialize. I've met a few people here & there beachcombing & working but just acquaintances. My brother was killed when I was a teenager & it kind of led me to a bad place when I should have been going to college & getting established in a good career. That has always been my biggest regret & have always felt cheated as I was always a straight A student. I always worked & managed to make a respectable amount of money but it's always been at gruelling jobs with long hours. I did earn an associate's in my 30's but it has proved to be worthless. I'm sure I could land a less stressful job but it would come with about half the salary which would not be doable. I've thought & thought about my options & I just don't see a future. I was raised Catholic but was severely turned off by religion when my brother passed. I've long since made peace with his death but don't really believe in god anymore. I wish I did because I would really like to have faith.

I agree with the above comments, leaving your job and or moving sounds like a good way to initiate change.

However there are parts to the story we are not privy to and you know you best.

Just keep in mind that anyone can see change as scary, and come up with reasons why it is not a good idea. Making the decision to gain control of your life once again and do what makes you happy is completely within your power. It is your life, do what you want with it.

Happy New Year

I understand exactly how you feel. I’m 50 and would come home from work feel the same.

I have kidney failure and some other minor health issues.

My wife hasn’t worked in 3+ years and I just got let go.

Like you, my job had become very stressful and I was starting to hate it

Though this is the much needed push I didn’t want to end a13 year job like this.

I’ve never been let go from a job before so this is both scary and depressing.

You sound like the way I felt.

Maybe consider doing something different?

Does your spouse work? Can you take a break?

Hang in there. ❤️ you sound burned out, hot that you didn’t know that. Try to find small joys/hobbies and do them often. Get your kids to do more around the house if possible. I understand sometimes I struggle with the what’s the point of anything we work we live we die but they point is to make the best of the ride you’re on. ❤️ at least that’s my perspective. For me that means several things

Trying not to compare myself to others

Make connections

Focus on the good however small the good is

Know that you’re never in exactly the same moment again so while this moment me feel like hell it will pass

Hang the hell onto something and ride the wave

❤️last year at this time I was hanging on for dear life and I’m still here! Sending love

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