Being the Quiet, Odd One

I hate dealing with the fact that no matter what social settings I'm in, I'm super quiet, which bores people, but when I do talk I often come off as being odd, so people end up not wanting to talk to me altogether.

The latest example is that I started my internship a couple weeks ago and there already isn't one person in the office who thinks much of me. I know this not only because of body language, but because the place is small and I can hear people talk through the walls.

It's rough, to say the least, and I wish I could even have just one person who enjoyed sticking around me so that I could vent this to, but I don't.

[hypercat54]

Hi it sounds like you are suffering from social anxiety. Watch and study how others behave, especially the more popular people, and you will learn a lot. There are lots of unwritten social rules and maybe you sound 'odd' because you unwittingly break them? x

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

I have tried this, which has probably helped in some ways. The problem, though, is that I want to stay true to myself and be my own person, it just so happens that I'm quiet and odd and people I encounter don't really accept that.

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

You can still be true to yourself as you adapt it to your own personality of course. There are only two ways of looking at this. The first is to change your behaviour. Or accept and not care that others think you are odd. Some people like those who are a bit different though. x

[urbetterthanthem in reply to Hidden]

did you ever consider the fact that they might be snobby stuck up people? I think what you need to work on is your self-esteem. Stop worrying about what they think of you! Stop doing things in an attempt to fit! Just quit it!!! hypercat sounds exactly like the overly judgemental superior minded type of people whose opinions you SHOULDN'T care about..Cat is judging you without knowing even the particulars of what you even do which is probably the same thing THOSE people are doing to you...In my life I rarely have seen someone with these horrific social problems cat would attribute to be the cause of your problem...Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind...You will find that the best people in the world don't mind if you are a little shy. I think people will respect you more when you stop trying to fit in..If there are good people there they will surface organically eventually...I knew literally 2 or 3 people in my old job in the entire place who I really liked.

[Hidden]

Still feel the same at my office. Sometimes people make me feel like I don't belong here, just because I keep to myself always. I just want to focus on my job and concentrate well.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I do the same. Whenever I walk past them, though, I try to say something because I know that's what they usually do around each other.

I think all the time that I wish people would focus on me being a good person rather than just an odd or quiet person.

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

Well they have to know you better first. You have to connect on some level with them before they have an inkling of your character. x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Yes. I try to be friendly and all. But I am not the party goer and the one excited to go on a drinking bonding. I don't want to pretend somebody I am not just to satisfy their qualifications for their friendship.

Though I still manage to have some friends are work. Those people who are also the quiet ones. Birds of the same feather, flock together.

[urbetterthanthem in reply to Hidden]

a good manager should make you feel welcome and so should good fellow employees..success in the workplace is based on a foundation of solid teamwork..one could make the point that this isn't a social event...this is not cocktail hour at the Ritz-Carlton! You are there to work in a friendly and productive environment and when your employees fail to make you feel welcome and part of the team they are the ones who are failing...many of the shy people in the corporate world are the true gems..the ones who work hard and go out of their way for you when you need help on something..the prom king and queens of the company are sometimes some of the worst employees imo just sayin

[Hidden in reply to urbetterthanthem]

that is truly right. the ones who get promoted are the prom kings and queens. They only look at the outward appearance and not on the capability of the person. Not because you are the quiet one doesn't mean you can handle the responsibility of getting a higher job position. The judged me right away without giving me a chance to prove myself.

[urbetterthanthem in reply to Hidden]

Well, I hope someone will take notice because it can be discouraging to work hard and not get recognition. One of the most important jobs of management is to recognize and reward people when they take pride in their job...At the end of the day you know you are a valuable asset to the company...

[Roxylox in reply to urbetterthanthem]

I was in a menial job cos the hours suited me. When I was indirectly bullied by a senior staff member, the manager completely dissed me to the others at a morning staff meeting I overheard. I was devastated.

Left the job, but the manager just then spread awful untrue stuff about me. That's what brought me on this site. It's hard to overcome the hurt.

For the first 2 years in that job, I had thought I sort of fit in. By the 3rd year I realised that I really didn't at all.

[All_alone]

Hi AG. It's never fun when your made to feel like the odd one in a group. I see from your profile your 24 so you have a great career ahead of you. I can also be quiet around new people or new situations. Like Cat said, I will watch and listen to see how I can interact with others when I'm in a new situation. I also feel my work ethic is more important than being social but that stems from the line of work I was in. Depending on your occupation there maybe a balance that you can find that gets you noticed for your work and getting others to talk to you. Maybe talk and ask job related or educational topics questions to start a conversation. Something you feel passionate about is always a good thing to talk about. Best of luck at your internship!

[Hidden in reply to All_alone]

You make a great point. The internship I'm in involves a lot of networking, so maybe my personality just doesn't fit for this type of work. I still have a few months left until my internship is over, though, so it would at least be nice to be more in than out in peoples eyes for the time while I'm there.

[zperry4 in reply to All_alone]

Yeah I think a lot of this is smart definitely. I just actually started a new job and have slipped in the role of the quiet, tongue twisted one, which is hella taxing even after just a few workdays. I think the rules are sadly somewhat different from other social interactions because there’s important career things attached, so maybe selling your soul and playacting more peppy might be necessary for the check/etc (?). Also maybe try working one person at a time, like getting to a more functional/less maddening interaction with one person, then extend that to each new person. I have to always be on the selling floor with people at my leather shop, so that helps to force us into basically competent interaction, but if that’s not the case, maybe increase face time/being in the same space, so your shooting percentage on interactions (and the impressions that ppl leave with) doesn’t depend on only a few conversations during the day (if any of this applies).

[urbetterthanthem in reply to zperry4]

i think this is good advice because it is encouraging. Where there is a will there is often a way...I know a lot of people who gave something a shot and gave up...decided they couldn't do it when really they just needed the right coaching...For instance as a young musician one of my first teachers thought I just wasn't "cut out" for that instrument...I was in exactly that kind of shy beginner place you are in....BOY DID I PROVE HIM WRONG!!! Not only did I stick with it with the help of his own excellent teaching but I became able to grasp things on a far higher level than many other professionals. What I am trying to say is..Definitely give it the old college try! This world is filled with people who started out shy or awkward and went on to become masters at what they do!

[Hidden in reply to urbetterthanthem]

Listen I might come off as super talkative on here, really I'm very shy too!!! I like to read a lot, not all the time, but I genuinely like to read a good book. Some people just don't like to read at all, and they are just dumbing themselves down in some ways. I am introverted and that's okay. It means I'm a good listener. I knew this one guy who was like this super talkative extrovert and all that. And we got along for awhile, but I said to him listen, if the world was full of so called extroverts then all you extroverts would be talking and NO ONE would be listening!!!!!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

And furthermore, given what you're saying. I really wouldn't be too happy working in an office like that. I'd probably be miserable really.

[urbetterthanthem]

I apologize i thought we were talking about your popularity and whether or not people in the office liked you, not whether or not you could network effectively with clients etc...