I'm new here and struggling a lot with loneliness and social anxiety. I manage a school in a really rural, low income area in the USA, so I spend a lot of my day coaching teachers and kids. I feel good about the work I do but empty in my personal life. I've lived here for a little over a year and have no clue how to make any friends and it seems impossible. I can't really make friends with the staff at school because I'm in this leadership position and there's this distance between us personally, though professionally we trust each other and work well together. I spend the weekends completely alone and speak to no one. I often go hiking, but I rarely see anyone and when I do no one really wants to have a conversation. There are no bookstores, museums, or parks where I live. The only way to meet people is to join a church or the local mosque, and I don't want to convert to a religion just to feel like I have friends. Everyone close to my age got married ten years ago and already has 2-3 kids. So they are busy.
I don't have a family - my mother has passed away, father and brother pretty much out of my life, so I'm pretty much alone.
I feel depressed and hopeless about the situation and its affecting my productivity at work. I wish there was a way out of this, but I don't know how. Any advice you can give would be appreciated. Thank you!
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Chatwin88
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Welcome to the group, many new friends here who understand. I think this group will help your loneliness some. I spend a lot of time alone too, don't have much family and I like to hike. Is there anywhere you could volunteer and meet others? Start a meetup group? To hike?
I can't even relate to your situation, so I may be way off the mark here. But maybe there is a way for you to be part of the team and not so much the boss, without losing their respect and not crossing the conflict boundary I sense in your story
Thank you! I appreciate your thoughts. I do feel as part of the team, but they are all quite close to each other and act as a group of friends. I don't know if I can get my foot in the door there, and being in a leadership position prevents me from doing so. But I think I'm looking for friends outside of work, where I don't have to talk about work.
I am not good at all at making friends in real life, just because I hate myself and I hate what I think I represent.
All I can say is that place, event if it is not a friends making one, is a good place to share feelings and life with others. And if I, or any member I think, can be your "friend" even for 2 minutes, then this place is useful.
You are more than welcome, if you wish, to talk to me, I am sure that, living in two different countries but having the "same" problems, we may find some sort of solutions together.
Good morning! I am sorry you are feeling so alone…never a great place to be. I’m going to throw out a few things to mull over on your hike, perhaps. 🤷🏻♀️
First, I cannot imagine my life without my faith, but that does not mean “church.” My upbringing was scary and sad, at best, and from about 6-7, I had an experience all by myself, where I had an encounter with God. I cannot really explain it, it was profound. A “knowing,” so to speak. Even though I have questioned 1,000,000 things and been mad at God, I just canNOT say there is no God. He is my closest friend.
Ok, so questions—do you have a pet? A dog to hike with you?
Hobbies? Anything you thought you always wanted to do but have not tried, yet? A language? Perhaps join an online (zoom) language class-to meet others)
Where is the closest town to be a volunteer? Sometimes by helping others, we help ourselves and make beautiful connections.
Are there any single parents in your area that you could connect with?
Last, but not least, if there is any way-healthy way-you “could” re-connect with your father and/or brother? I totally understand if it is harmful to you or them, disregard!!!!!!! I am just asking things I have heard from my counselor. Things to “sit with,” “hike with it,” “write it out-journal.”
I pray you feel loved today and know I am sending you my very best. I have often found my best self in the “dessert,” even though I did not like it. It is often after I get through that I see my growth.
I live in a small town as well. While I love it, it is hard to meet people. I have elderly parents I help care for and sisters within a two hour range, but I am not married and have no kids, so I do get lonely too. I guess I don’t have much to offer, but I wanted to say I do understand. I’m not sure if you date…but I have tried online dating as a way to meet people from nearby towns. I have not met the love of my life yet, but it does give me the chance to at least go out sometimes. 🤷♀️.
chatwin88 sorry you are afflicted with anxiety i have had a long period of it too . I live in scotland but have friends in USA …..what state / town do you live in..? Kindest Regards Angus
I too live in the middle of nowhere. Unlike you I can’t make friends, I have social anxiety and can’t talk to anyone. But a suggestion, is there a humane society or shelter? Maybe volunteering there? I know ours is always looking for help. I fill my life with pets. It’s not the the same as friends but it fills the loneliness. 2cats, a dog and chickens! I live way out of town on a farm.
So sorry you're lonely and while I live In a major city, I am lonely too. I think it's important to connect with colleagues and you can do so in a team building way. Perhaps you can host an after work event or maybe hire a facilitator who can help facilitate exercises so that you guys get to know each other better. I hope this helps!
I feel similar for sure! I live in a small town, work, and go home. It’s tough because I have been feeling super stressed and anxious lately and that’s hard when you feel so alone.
Hi! How are you doing now?I know its been a while since you posted but i wanted to respond anyway, to suggest Bumble the app as a possible way of meeting people. Bumble is a dating app like tinder but you can also choose "friend" mode, so you can use it to meet new people and make new friends.
Have you ever thought of learning to play a new instrument? Maybe that could also be a way of meeting people. Maybe there s a music or drama school in the area, where you could sign up for an instrument or for theatre?
How far are you from the closest city? Maybe you could sign up for a weekly activity in the city, if there really is nothing where you are.
Also, if its a rural area, there must be farms. Maybe you can volunteer on a farm.there s a website called WWOOF (world wide organic farming) where you can find farmsthat are open to taking in volunteers. A good way to get some exercise, some time outside , maybe meet people.
I understand you not wanting to convert to a religion to make friends, but churches sometimes organize activities like choirs. Maybe you could join a choir, i dont think it matters if you are a believer, it could be a new hobby and new source of friendship.
Anyway, let us know how things evolved since your last post!
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