I’m so done: I think my marriage is... - Anxiety and Depre...

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I’m so done

weegmack profile image
21 Replies

I think my marriage is over. My husband has just had enough of my anxiety. He’s never been patient and it’s very obvious that he has to try extremely hard to be patient when I’m struggling. He’s so patronising, so arrogant and can be really cutting in his responses. I’ve tried not talking to him when I’m anxious (most of the time!) or if I’m ruminating on something specific, but he doesn’t like it when I do that either, because he says he wants to help me. But as soon as I say what’s wrong, he lets out a big sigh and reacts in the most patronising manner.

I’m in therapy. I have complex ptsd from being ignored and belittled and emotionally neglected as a child. My self-esteem is rubbish and he is making me feel worse. My eldest daughter has moved out to go to university and I miss her dearly. My other daughter is applying for uni and will probably be living away from home this time next year. So I’m going through some major life changes as a mum, going through therapy and also suffering severe pain in my neck and head thanks to tension. And I feel so alone and lost. And I live with a man I can’t talk to. I don’t know what to do xx

21 Replies
Danland profile image
Danland

If he can't accept you for who you are and help u with you problems and be there for you then maybe he should not be in your life I Kno it sounds hard to think of that happening but it might be the best for you and your healing

weegmack profile image
weegmack in reply to Danland

I’m thinking the same 😞

If it were me I would wait until my child was out of the house and then pursue my dreams on my own. Life's too short. In fact I've done that myself. I found a new husband, children and a new beginning. It's never too late to start over. It he treats you the same as others who helped cause your issues, how can you ever heal? My first marriage was like that. Because I was ignored and abused growing up I chose a man who did just that. I was never going to heal if I still accepted that treatment. He had to go. 😅

weegmack profile image
weegmack in reply to

I’ve been thinking the same. Once youngest goes off to uni, I feel we should go our separate ways. But I’ll be happy without another man 😬

in reply to weegmack

Sometimes we can be happier alone for a bit.

mrmonk profile image
mrmonk

I understand what it's like to live with a spouse who cannot show empathy or does so only grudgingly. It's a horrible and desolate feeling when in the throes of anxiety. I'm sorry you experience anything like it yourself, weegmack, I'm sorry.

weegmack profile image
weegmack in reply to mrmonk

I’m so sorry for you too 😞. Are you still with your spouse? Xx

mrmonk profile image
mrmonk in reply to weegmack

For the time being. Financially, neither of us can afford to live independently right now.

Booklover0219 profile image
Booklover0219

I’m very sorry you’re going through this. It does sound like you’re experiencing some significant changes in your life and you really don’t have a lot of support. It’s great that you are going through therapy though. I hope that is at least helping you to navigate this tough time with a sense of direction and purpose. I hope you can reach some kind of resolution with your husband, if that’s possible. I wish you all the best.

weegmack profile image
weegmack in reply to Booklover0219

Thank you ♥️

Buggede profile image
Buggede

I feel like I should say I know where Ur coming from , I was in the same position with my last partner,hope U can hang in there .

weegmack profile image
weegmack in reply to Buggede

I’m sorry you went through this too 😞. Did you leave? I just feel exhausted and dread the future right now 😞

Then talk to him about other things and do things together. Work your self stuff out with shrink.

weegmack profile image
weegmack in reply to

I’m seeing a psychologist on the NHS, and I’m only allowed 3 more sessions. Which makes 12. After that, I’m discharged. I can’t afford to see someone privately.

I do talk to him about other things. And when we do things together, it’s ok until I start to feel anxious and then he’s a total git. So then I don’t want to do anything with him. I wish it was as simple as you say!

in reply to weegmack

I didn’t mean to sound nonchalant. It sounds like you guys would benefit from couples counseling so he could learn how to help you & himself. & I’m sorry you’re running out of sessions. Big hug

mysticfawn profile image
mysticfawn

Hi. This is going to sound so simplistic that I feel silly to even put it down in black and white. And yet, here it goes... You need a hobby. When I say hobby, I don't mean for you to take up Hockey. It's time to take baby steps to get out of the house and away for yourself. There are many classes out there where you can go learn or do something you'd love with people you would soon become allies with. I had the same issues you have described here and went and joined a ceramic class at the community college. I stayed 3 years! It was great! I never made the perfect bowl or coffee cup, but it was just for me! My time! We all made ceramics and talked. It was like group therapy with people of all ages, race, cultures, and sexes. No discrimination for any of the above. Just me time. If I just needed to chill and work, that what I did. I helped me work on my OCD issues too! Lol! Not a single piece ever come out the same! It doesn't need to be ceramics, it could be music or volunteering at an animal shelter, anything! With high Anxiety Disorder issues you're probably on doctor prescribed medication? Pop one and find something to do for you! It will be scary at first but I find that if I show up for class before anyone else the flow of incoming student doesn't bother me as bad. Plus, I get to choose my seat which always has to be facing the exit door. Never my back! Good luck.

weegmack profile image
weegmack in reply to mysticfawn

Not simplistic at all ♥️. I really appreciate you telling me all about that and I’m so glad it has helped you. I definitely put way too much pressure on myself. All the other women I know at my stage in life are taking up running, joining the gym and looking amazing. Or have amazing careers. Unfortunately, I have an undiagnosed daily headache because of neck pain and until they know what’s wrong with me (I’ve been waiting 8 years for a diagnosis), I really can’t do the gym or running. So I end up feeling really useless, fat and ugly and feel that I must do something with high achievement. Silly, I know. But I’d love to try ceramics - you’re right....it just needs to be something I’d like to do. There’s a college near me and I can see if they have any crafting type classes. I think we live in a world where we are often looked down upon if we don’t super achieve everyday and earn a fortune 😕

My husband is a very high achiever, as are my children. Though my children are lovely, kind and patient. They have their moments though lol. My husband works in a very corporate environment and I just don’t think I fit in with his idea of a wife sometimes, xx

mysticfawn profile image
mysticfawn in reply to weegmack

Hi Weegmack. How are you doing? We're you able to find something to get you busy? I recently started diamond embroidery. It's not expensive and helps take your mind to other places for awhile. You can get them on wish.com for free by paying only shipping. Check it out! Hope you're doing well. 🙂

weegmack profile image
weegmack in reply to mysticfawn

I’m not doing so well, I’m afraid 😞. I had a terrible flare-up of my headache and my entire body was pained too 😕. It has knocked me quite a bit and I’m really exhausted. My head is just so painful and close work is really too hard just now.

However, I’ve been seeing my psychologist and she’s helping me to stay strong. I’m managing to play the piano again and I’ve been cooking meals to freeze, which has given me something to do. Thanks so much for thinking of me ♥️Xx

Runrabbit50 profile image
Runrabbit50

Hi tbh when I left my ex my anxiety was so much beywyr as I could come and go as I like be myself and ginwhere and when I wanted and didn’t have to answer to his tunes he was always playing.

I think you’ll be happier soon you won’t feel like that now but find yourself get a hobbie and make this your time 💙💝

weegmack profile image
weegmack in reply to Runrabbit50

I’m glad you felt better when you left your ex....I just feel so lost. But I’ll start with a hobby xx

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