Why am I important? Why do people 'need' me? I'm absolutely nothing. I'm a waste of space and a damn failure. I always break that one promise my close friends and Boyfriend tells me to keep. I'm so sick of this and over it. I'm just ready to let go. I just don't want to do it anymore. I don't feel strong enough to handle anymore. Yea, people will tell me I got it made and shit but no one understands what happens in my head and how my childhood was. People wonder why I'm so screwed up and it is because of this world we live in. I don't want to deal with it anymore... Please help me, I'm at the end of my rope right now.
~Sky
Written by
Midnightwolf1
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You’re going to let people push you to your limits but not be open to a hand reaching out? There are groups. You’re here. There is yoga. There are alternative therapies. There are groups online. You have to get out what’s inside so it doesn’t control your future. This is my life.
Quit promising people things. You’re setting yourself up for failure.
You’re important because you’ve been put here just like the rest of us. To join the society that holds each other up. No one can be you. You don’t have to do anything. You just have to be here.
Sounds like to me you need to talk to someone who has no vested interest in your life to figure out what your priorities are. Let go of some things. Put them down. If you’re tired then you’re carrying someone else’s crap. I’m going to guess it’s the crap someone handed you in childhood. That was all beyond your control and not your crap to carry. Get help putting that crap down.
Absolutely no one has it ‘made’. Life is long and hard and it can suck. Since you’re here you’re a warrior and a survivor.
You don’t want to deal with it anymore? Don’t. Go talk to someone who will help you sort out what you don’t have to deal with. You’re overwhelmed. It hurts peoples feelings and boohoo you lose friends who are used to using you. But, you grow healthy and happy.
I get it. It’s not an easy road but the journey is worth it for freedom. Take your power back.
The only promise make that promise so they'll quit scolding me or quit being mad at me. I for some reason can't handle it when someone close to me gets upset with me. I try to let things go put it like I try and it comes back. It like annoying gum stuck on the bottom of your shoe.
No you aren’t. They’re adults. They choose to handle situations their own ways. You can’t be responsible for all that. I’m never responsible for another adults actions. My kids (the biological and non-biological) were never responsible for my behavior. I’m the adult. They allow you to take that on yourself. You need to drop that.
It takes practice and talking. You’ve started. You were a child. By my standards you still are a young woman. You are not responsible for others behavior in your home while growing up.
sky all of us here at some stage have found trusting folk real hard that's why all our problems are cemented in our heads because we hold back in telling someone how we feel like a therapist.please don't assume it wont work for you its something you need to consider.
yea but your young so I gather your friends are of a similar age they might not understand or know the best way to help you.please at least talk to an adult relative even if its an uncle aunt or cousin it doesn't need to be your parents but it really will do you good to talk.
No doubt about it..if you have a photo which reminds you of happy times look at it. If you have any other brothers and sisters living at home do you feel you are always in the wrong?
This is an important time in your life finding out what you want to study for the future. Just hope you can set your feelings aside if you feel you too it or are ignored..just keeping going for the next few days might help but a visit to your doctor for a prescription for something to calm you such as Valium might help keep you on an even keel. If you have a course of sleeping pills it might help as lack of sleep makes you worse. Take care will chat tomorrow.
No worries. Hope you feel better today. Stress and anxiety can make you work out. Family relationships are tricky. A really nice doctor called Camilla explained how your body reacts under stress and said to keep away from those that upset you and gave a prescription for Valium to take one when needed. They work quickly unlike some new drugs which take 6 weeks and make you feel worse. It did help and just used one occasionally.
PS predictive text put in the phrase "work out" when it should have read stress can make you feel awful. I don't work out but a gym or walking might help anxiety..bet you are so busy..you haven't got time.
I am really busy. Being a senior in high school and trying to figure out what's next has been keeping me busy plus all the homework. I'm on Cymbalta and something else that helps for a virus. I want to work out and I might be able to soon since I finally got a car because walking or working out does help. I'm doing somewhat better today and I was able to sorta talk to my Bf about it so he was able to help me some.
Good..that's the way to go..viruses can make you feel worse. Have fun at gym soon .things are looking up.
Hi midnightwolf don't knoçk yourself..if you think people are telling you not to something when you are living together as partners or married then you need your freedom..what might be upsetting you are failed relationships and problems with your family ..these are magnified at Christmas..if you have had a row or broken relationship try to sleep on it ..hold on there..you have a life ahead of you..and as you say you have a lot of gifts ..love yourself..look after yourself.. you are worth looking after and you are needed.. try and eat something and get some sleep..try ringing your friend of family to chat..
It sounds as if you are not getting along with mum. It is difficult when your mum has hang ups and you are in the middle thinking of leaving the nest. Can you make yourself a hot milk drink and eat some biscuits? If there is tension in the home is there's any way you can break the ice by asking if any one else would like a drink ? What ever is worrying you it is not worth starving and feeling miserable. I guess your mum loves you .. it is difficult being a mum ..if she is uptight may be she needs a hug ?
It not that we don't get along, it just in this house it like constantly walking on egg shell. I have to be so careful with my words and my tone so I don't make anyone mad. And it like I don't have an appetite. I just can't eat. And it's so difficult to break any tension here.
You are important because you are a part of Creation, If you don't believe in a God then chalk it up to nature, but know that you belong here as sure as the earth, moon, and stars. More than that You are at the very Zenith of the Universe. At the same time you were never meant to be Perfect- you are human after all.
You are important to me because I have walked your path all my life. I was beaten at the age of 3 and told that I was a sissy, useless, not good enough to watch football with my Father, uncle and Cousins when I was 4. Even when my Fathers friend sexually abused me as A child, he never so much as picked up a phone and cussed him out. It's taken a very long time, but I no longer want to kill myself I am actually glad I'm alive, have found meaning and purpose. I did it by watching a lot of self help videos on YouTube, opening my heart to God, meditating, and reading. I chose a method I could believe in ( this is key for if you don't believe in something it won't work for you). Sometimes I had to make myself believe.
I hope you can benefit from my experience. I know that if you look hard enough for the answers you seek, that you will be amazed at the results. Oh yeah and AA and NA too, not for help in quitting, I've always been able to do that, but for help in living, in reframing my thoughts, thereby changing my actions.
Please don't give up though, take time to give us an update, or cuss me out, whatever, just please let us know how you are doing!
I'm sorry you had that kind if life. I wish I I could figure out what triggers me into a severe depression because I don't know if I can take much more of that. I know people has had a harder life than me like you but it's like that light at the end of the tunnel is gone. But I was able to talk to some one close to me last night and it has helped. I'm doing better then I was yesterday. I didn't mention it before but was a cutter... and I was almost 7 months clean till last night. I didn't even realize what I was really doing till after I did it. Now I feel like I've really messed up because all I can see when I'm alone is image's of blood running down my arm or leg. And feeling the pain. That's what I really need help with now. And I feel like I shouldn't of said that part but I know I need help from people who might understand. Sorry for ranting.
You aren't ranting, like a lot of people you are trying your best to cope with a lot of pain. Don't let anyone tell you that one relapse erases the 7 months you earned through hard work. Please try to pick up where you are now. I wish you all the best!
I have felt the same way. The depression takes hold and I lose all hope in myself, my purpose, and why am I here. But it is the depression talking not me. It is not the truth. We tend to listen to lies in our head when we are struggling. I just went through a full blown depression episode. But I am learning to accept when I don’t feel good, I try to journal how I am feeling at that moment, what thoughts I am having, and aware that I am feeling sad for that moment. I go into a quiet place and just pray and listen to God. The most important thing is I don’t judge myself. That I am not hyper critical. I accept that I am not feeling well at the moment. Then I just lay everything at the feet of my Heavenly Father and let go. He can be strong for us, so we don’t have to be. I have been watching a series called Experiencing God by Eric Gilmour. He is on YouTube. It has really helped me know God cares, loves us, and we are not on this journey of life alone. We may not understand why we struggling, but things happen in life beyond our understanding and if we just let go and give ourself a break. We can learn to relax and have peace. I am no expert at this, but I am on a journey and quest to beat struggling. In the last 3 months I have spiraled more than 4 times to deep depression. I am finding it cycles around my period. I just turned 50 and my hormones are all over the place. So becoming aware of why I spiral is the first step to healing. I will be praying that you get that quiet time with God and become aware of what causes you to spiral. I am happy to chat and know you are not alone on this journey. Don’t forget to check out Eric Gilmour. m.youtube.com/playlist?list...
Thank you. I'm trying to find ways to cope with everything and not listen to the voices. I told my Boyfriend about it and he's been trying to help me the best he can and it's been helping honestly.
I am so glad he is encouraging that does help. Remember positive self talk and praying is helpful too. My prayers are with you. Hugs and just remember you are not alone and you will feel better. Just keep believing that. 😘
I understand I feel the same way some times but I was told that a true friend will be there for you no matter what and yes you need to find a good therapist and don't give up you keep going until you find a good therapist because someone in this world needs you and just remember love your self and tell your self that you are love and that you are just as important any one on earth I will pray for peace and happiness in your life take care
That's one thing I haven't learned yet. Self love is very difficult for me. And I have people who I can depend on, I just feel selfish and a burden when I talk to them about this kind of stuff and only one of them really understands me because she goes through it too. Plus I don't want to disappoint anyone too.
My Dear - You sound so much like my daughter that had you not mentioned being a high school senior, I might have bet a dollar you were! Let me start by saying you are loved. I'm reading all these texts and input from strangers, and it's overwhelming. Take a minute - a Mr. Rogers minute of time - to really think about the people here, and throughout your life, that have loved you. Stay still for exactly 60 seconds, and picture those people. I'll wait...
Good. Now, understand that everything - EVERYTHING you're holding on to is done. Cannot be changed, altered, reversed or erased. What's keeping you tethered to those events in the past is an emotion - anger, fear, hate - that you link to the event. Focus on that emotion, and break the link. For example - I was date raped in college. But back in the 1980's (yes, I am a Boomer!!), there was no such thing as date rape. I must have asked for it, right? No. For a long time, I blamed myself, and held on to a level of shame each time I thought of that night. Until one day, I could think of the event, almost objectively. It wasn't my fault, and my compliance was not consent. It still happened though, but now it's another page in my journal. Even my kids know about it, because I have no emotional attachment to the event.
I would hope right now you'd have no idea what you want to be when you grow up. Anyone that demands that of you probably has their own feelings on inadequacy. Your job is to practice your 'adulting' while still in the comforts of home. It is scary - not going to lie. First time I stood up to my mother, I was terrified. I honestly don't know if I ever did with my Dad, but that's a whole other story!! Sometimes, it'll work. Sometimes, it won't. Be in the moment each time - be present. Take each interaction as a new opportunity, and watch.
If you're holding on to the Past - which again, CAN NOT BE CHANGED, then you're building Anxiety - all the 'shoulda, coulda talk' in your head. If you're afraid of the Future (and here's a hint - IT CAN NOT BE CHANGED!!), then Depression sets in with the 'What Ifs?'.
Guess what the Present has - neither of those! When truly engaged in the moment, the Past and Future have no presence. They can't exist. Is it easy? Sometimes. Even when it's difficult though, it becomes clearer to me when the hamster in my brain has jumped on the wheel again. So I refocus - either getting out into nature and chilling, or putting music on.
Here's why you remind me of my daughter. For some reason, after she moved out this past June, she basically cut off communication with me. It's now expanded to the family, to the point where she did not celebrate Thanksgiving or Christmas with her family - a first in her 22 years. And I honestly, truly, don't know why. I know she texted me a short story, and I refused to read it - I struggle enough with my anxiety, and did not want to read her words and let that poison in my brain. I offered to meet with her anywhere, with anyone - nothing.
The most I've been able to get is that she's still upset that I showed up at her job back in July. Her younger brother had never seen the place, so we went in to say hello. You'd have thought I had put a gun in front of her, the way she reacted! We left - not even three minutes total time in the store. NOW, if that's what is bugging her today, then there's little I can do - would you agree? I apologized. More than once. Then I stopped, because it meant nothing.
Growing is not possible without pain. Whether it's our limbs as a child, our muscles as we play sports, or our brains as we refocus our energy - there will be pain. However, it has been scientifically proven that emotions only last an average of 90 seconds. Less than two minutes for the physiological impact of the emotion to last. The rest of it? That's our brains anchoring a negative emotion to an unalterable event. You can break that link.
I wish you luck, My Friend. You have a great journey in front of you, one that is not defined by the Past.
The second you mentioned your childhood I understood you without knowing your story. First, I want to say that I am sorry for whatever you had to endure when you were a kid. Second, whatever it was it wasn’t your fault and you didn’t deserve it. Third, you are bigger than your pain and stronger than your worries. You can overcome whatever is weighing heavily on your mind and in your heart. And you must know that ending your life is not the answer because you will leave somebody here in a great world of horror simply because they don’t have you anymore. You will also not know what it is like to completely and totally overcome your hardships, which I truly believe that you can do. I know that you don’t know me, but I am telling you that I get you. I get you! And you are not alone. No matter how many miles may be between us, I hear you and I get you and may God bless you! 😊
I know ending my life isn't the answer. I honestly just want to disappear and start over. Become a totally new person. But I can't do that because you are right, I would either leave someone in horror or I would make them upset.
"You can please all of the people some of the time,
You can please some of the people all of the time,
but you can't please all of the people all of the time"
-Anonymous (read it on a wall in ancient Pompeii, I think)
Sky, I wish I could say life is a walk in the park, but if I did I would be completely lying lol. Sometimes, just trying to figure out how to get from one day to the next is a massive task in itself. Always remember to make some time for yourself, do things that will help ease the stress, and always try to end the day on a high note. Even if that high note is you trying to sing along to a song that has many VERY high notes! lol And, when all else fails, we're here to listen and have your back.
None of these things are true about. you. I often feel the same things about myself and if they don't apply to me then they DEFINITELY don't apply to you.
Also, I saw how you said that seeing a therapist wouldn't help you and maybe you're right, maybe it won't. But it's worth a shot. Don't you think? The idea of seeing a therapist REALLY scares me too because just like you, I am INCREDIBLY closed off and VERY introverted and tend to keep to myself. So we are the same in that way. So if you can't even bring yourself to TRY seeing and talking to a therapist, you can talk to me. If you'd like. But I won't tell you what to do. That is completely and totally 100% up to you. I know we don't know each other, but I'm here for you!
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Doesn't seem like I'm ever going to work again
I'm tired of being me....
Feeling sad and don't know why
Suicide.. Why not?!?
