Question ❓❓❓❓

[UnderstandingMyPain]

If your mother helped you pay your bills (which was my story, I lost my job in July 2019 and found another one three months later) but she was verbally abusive towards you, you tried to talk with her but it’s still the same would you tell her it’s time to leave and for her to go back home?

She has been with me since September 2019. Never happy, complains about everything and is very condescending. When I do try to speak to her, she says I’m disrespectful (isn’t that something). So I’ve been ignoring it and let her rant. Her complaining starts as soon as she wakes up until she goes to sleep. I came home today with her complaining that the kids didn’t feel like eating anything as soon as they came home from school. Tried to talk to her but she didn’t see it my way. Me and my children all went into my bedroom to play some games and infinite her. I feel grateful that she has paid for all my bills but I do believe t doesn’t give her the right to be that way towards us.

[All_alone]

Sounds like a difficult situation because it is your mother. I'm sure your thankful for her help but you dont deserve the verbal abuse and your children should not witness it. With finding the new job are you able to do it now on your own and what does your inner voice tell you? ❤

[UnderstandingMyPain in reply to All_alone]

Yeah now that I am completely back on my feet the financial assistance from her is not needed. My inner voice is telling me she needs to go and I have mentioned it to her but she is ignoring me

[All_alone in reply to UnderstandingMyPain]

That's hard. On one hand you appreciated her help and your back on feet now and no longer need help but on the other hand I'm sure you dont want to alienate her by saying thank you but you need to leave by 'Friday'.

There are times I wish I had family left but then..... I really miss my dad.

I guess it's not possible to have a rational and calm discussion with her??

[Dolphin14]

My first question is if she is living with you where would she go?

My mother was famous for this behavior. She would help but what you " owed" her for that was too much to deal with emotionally. Knowing this I never asked her for help or relied on her for anything. My other siblings did and I watched how they got " tangled in her evil web" as I called it.

The other thing is your children. Do you really want them exposed to this? It will effect them in the long run. Her attitude is not good for them to be around. I had to limit my kids time with my mother, she was too toxic.

It's a lot to think about . I hope you can find your answers.

[UnderstandingMyPain in reply to Dolphin14]

She does not live with me. She has her home in New York. I live in Michigan

[Poodie]

She sounds difficult to be around. And probably it affects your whole family. Try to discuss with her that you can not permit the way she is treating you ?

Sounds like my mother who would be incapable of even hearing that discussion. My mother hated woman, abuse me in many ways, and she had no filter. Very toxic, I always felt depressed after seeing her so I had to avoid seeing her as often.

I am sure you appreciated the financial support, however that does not give her license to abuse you. I don’t know what makes some people so mean and disrespectful and feel like they can treat someone that way! My mother had little empathy for anyone. She was simply not a nice person.

I am glad you found a job again. Job hunting is stressful so now that you have a new job to adapt to, wouldn’t be so nice to have some peace and quiet and a nontoxic home life. You deserve that.

Good luck dealing with this.

[UnderstandingMyPain in reply to Poodie]

Exactly! I want to have the feeling after a long day of work to come home to peace and quiet. Be able to relax in my home without feeling stressed or constantly thinking what is going to set her off. Yeah I had that talk about her behavior as well as what would be helpful as a support from her and that I won’t tolerate certain especially since I have kids and I don’t want them to see or hear it but it’s like it goes through one ear and out the other. So I am hoping she leaves Saturday or very soon. I heard her talking on the phone trying to find a price for a ticket.

[Poodie]

That is good. Has she left yet ?

[UnderstandingMyPain in reply to Poodie]

No, I was getting ready to buy her ticket and she told me she wants to leave after Christmas so I went ahead and purchased a ticket for Jan 2nd. Soooooo a few more days.

[Poodie in reply to UnderstandingMyPain]

I hope you and your kids can have a nice time despite her. I had a hard time because my mother’s anger and depression seemed to consume me. I got the feeling of wishing I could just brush her mood off me like a piece of lint on my jacket. Can you put on a movie? Have a friend over? Let your kids have their friends visit? It is your house.

[UnderstandingMyPain in reply to Poodie]

Yeah I’ve been taking them out everywhere with me whenever I run errands. My mom has the mentally when she feels she is “being annoying” she knows how to calm down for a bit, but then the following day she “acts out” again(which tells me she has the ability but it’s so engraved with her dna she chooses to continue and doesn’t know how to stop for long periods) So between school and going out with me, the kids are hardly around her too much. I keep them busy that they don’t get annoyed with her behavior. Her behavior is “targeted” towards me since she has been doing it for 38 years. I just dislike how my kids have to witness it. So I distract them as much as possible that they enjoy being at home.