Well once again my mom made me feel like white trash! Like a second class citizen. I had bloodwork drawn a few days ago and Dr called me said I need to go to ER. I thought,I was going to die cause of the way she was so evasive she was! She said my sodium level was too low. Went to local hospital and I was treated like trash!! My mom talked over me and so they never spoke to me only her. They couldn't look at me cause my face is sagging and it looks extremely horrific. I know this is true cause nobody speaks to me. If they do they never look at me. Looks and money are the only thing that matters to ppl. My mom was being a stuck up bitch when talking to the nurse. They were talking about Utah and where they have a house and acting all better than me the poor white trash. She was laughing with her and talking about the money they have. Stuff rich assholes talk about. Sorry but she acts stuck up and I hate and despise jerks like her. Just like at the hospital she was uncaring and cold hearted about getting out of ER so we could go home. I kept saying sorry but I didn't want to waste her time dealing with me the ugly poor piece of crap. Turned out when they explained how it was a lab mistake and I could go home. I was fine. They spoke right to her not me. I felt like going out to the car so they could talk to each other. Felt just horrible but very happy to never act like I'm better than anyone else. I'm trying to not let her get to me but she angers me the most. I'm the black sheep of my family. Ex addict alcoholic, not working and poor etc. Just an embarrassment and disappointment everyday of my life. Sorry for complaining but she was just horrific and cold. Usually she'll leave me but she said complained about how she was with me for 36 hours when I was in ICU from a seizure. Like I'm sorry I took up your time and was sick. Wouldn't want you to act like you care or anything!! Of course when we were home she hugged me saying glad your ok but never in public around anyone who could see me with her cause I'm ruining her reputation in this town! God I wish I was dying! Anyhoo I just needed to get that off my chest so I appreciate it. Have a great day everyone😊☺
Not good enough?: Well once again my... - Anxiety and Depre...
Not good enough?
That really sounds like a tough day for you. I take it you needed your mom to take you to the ER otherwise it might have been better for you to take someone. I often hear conversations where people seem to be trying to out do one another when it comes to how much money they have, how great their kids are or how wonderful their life is but I also think it's how some people best connect with others and feel like they have something in common. You possibly feel in a more vulnerable and less valued position because you are the patient , have been unwell and couldn't contribute to the conversation... Not that you wanted to on that level. It seems your mom might feel she has to take care of you and this is why she speaks for you. Could there be guilt somewhere in there with your mom. My experience when things go wrong for my kids is to 'rescue' them and I can forget they are capable in their own way. Your life experiences might have knocked your confidence but you are as important and as worthy as anyone else on this planet 😍, take care xxx
Hi the staff didn't look at you not because your face is sagging and you look horrific but because your mother was doing the talking. This is your body dysmorphia talking and you know that don't you? If it's any consolation people aren't stupid and I bet the staff saw through her and felt sorry for you being subject to that from her. Is there any way you can get away from her? Or not let her get too involved in your life? x
I really wish I could be away from her but I'm not working at the moment so she's helping with bills etc. I can't drive for awhile cause I lost license and car I just got due to having a seizure. So she's got me depending on her for a ride to get groceries, meds etc. Store is too far for me to get to by scooter. So she basically controls my every move. I'm going to be taking those classes soon I hope so I can work on getting better so I don't have to deal with her!!! And face is sagging severely cause it genetic thanks to my good for nothing father. Sperm donor really. It looks exactly like his. Its horrible. Wish I could just stay away from ppl and never deal with ppl ever again. I'm just glad I'm doing some training at PAWS so I can be around the love of the dogs. Ppl only take her side and I can't stand that. Anyways thanks for the message
Hi I bet people aren't taking her side because they agree with her but because they are taking the least line of resistance. What did you expect the hospital staff to do? Argue with her and tell her not to treat you like that? Strangers won't do that as it really is none of their business. But like I said other people aren't stupid and I bet there was more than one of the hospital staff sympathising quietly with you!
If you can't change your situation all you can do is work on trying to change your reaction to your mother. By this I mean learn to let her bullying go over your head and tune her out. Not easy but start trying as it does get easier with time. x
Ill definitely just tune her out great idea!! Thanks for your time hypercat54☺
I’d love to know your age and it’s sad that your own mother treats you so poorly.
It sounds like you’re really down on yourself. You are Somebody, you’re good enough and you show your mom you’re a Winner!! You’re not trash.
I read a quote recently that said “the key to happiness is to have low expectations. “ your mother is how she is.
Another quote: “winning is the best kind of revenge.”
You don’t want to be like your mom, so use that as a learning experience. At least you did get a hug; maybe she doesn’t want to show emotion in front of people.
I’m glad you didn’t have anything so that’s great.
For example, take control of the conversation when it concerns your health. Say “um excuse you but can you talk to me about my tests etc?”
I’m a wannabe author and am a member of a writers group in my area. There is a member that doesn’t need the support but she stays in the group after having numerous published books on the New York Times best selling list. She travels to Italy works at home and is incredibly successful. Lots of published books.
She comes to the monthly meetings to remind the people in the group that thought she would never get a book published. She’s humble and a nice person and doesn’t flaunt her success.
Also you never know why people are looking at you. Unfortunately you don’t know what they’re thinking. It could be they’re having a bad day.
Don’t be so hard on yourself! I came from a poor area, we had lunch cards and my mom sewed most of our clothes. I left my house at 17, worked hard, it was difficult but I married, we had boats, traveled and have a nice home.
Money doesn’t make you happy— and you’re not trash! Throw that word from your vocabulary.
I believe in you and sending you hugs and lots of strength!!
Sorry for the long comment!! 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻😁😁
That's a lovely reply dee. x
I'm 45 and had to have her take me to the hospital cause I have epilepsy so I can't drive right now. I was staying at her house to to keep her company while my step dad is on a trip. I know she's her own person but when she makes me feel less than it hurts. I'm nowhere near having anything in life so when she was gloating about where she lives and haves with the nurse I felt like shit. Its like she's embarrassed if she's seen with me. She never walks next to me. Going to the store she walks way in front of me or way behind. Or says shell go one way and you go over there. Wtf? Am I wrong? Isn't that bullshit??? I did look at the nurse when she was telling my mom and looked passed me like I wasn't even there. That's super cool about becoming an author. The lady your talking about sounds really cool and nice. Thank you for taking the time to write to me. Very appreciated😄 Sending you a hug as well!! Take care!!
Hey you made one mistake, you should of kicked your mom out of the room & told the Dr./nurse they are taking care of you! You are not trash nor ugly, I only speak the truth & you know this! Russian Bull is coming out, man I'd love to have a talk with your mom. She is 100% wrong, not you! You are so kind, loving, caring and BEAUTIFUL! Stop the negative talk about you, she is in the wrong. I'll be home all day if you want to chat. I'm still tied up with the pinched sciatica nerve, ugh! Love you bunches & bunches...with dump trucks of hugs!!!
Thank you Lisa!! I just talked to you on the phone but yea I always appreciate your awesome friendship. Love you lots silly friend. Have a kick ass time with Lou!
Hello!
I’m so glad you were able to get that off your mind! Focus on the hug your Mom gave you when you got home. That was positive! View yourself as the member of the family with the guts, heart, intelligence and will to survive! You’re awesome 😎 At the very least, your Mom shows you how you don’t want to be. Feel blessed that you can see through and identify BS when you hear it! I see you as the lucky one in your family...you have the smarts and the insight that no one can take from you. Money and affluence can fade suddenly, but what you have will carry you through your lifetime!! 🌷🙂🌷 Smile!!
Sorry you've had such a tough time lovedogs. N yes I think your right, many people judge others on there wealth, looks, house, job etc. It is a shallow World, sadly. Your Mother is of an age when she won't change n so things are unlikely to alter with her attitude, now. I'm afraid you,ll probably just have to except her for who she is. Even though it's not nice for you. Thankfully you aren't like that and don't judge people in such a shallow way. The Delhi Lama said "we all look the same in the grave". I think meaning that non of us have a right to feel better than another person. Try not to overthink it. At least you are well and don't have to stay in Hospital. Best wishes 😊🌻✌️
I think about not being good enough everyday. What you said about looks and money, I feel that way too. I always feel like the black sheep of my family even though my sister was the one who did coke and all I’ve ever done is smoked some pot but whatever. I want you to know that I care about you, that you are good enough and worthy of happiness and to be treated with respect and humanity the way that any human being should. You are not a failure or a disappointment, I’m always saying those things to myself. But if you are such a failure, then why are you still here? Why have you been so strong that you kicked your addiction to alcohol and live with these thoughts and burdens everyday. You are a very strong person and I like that you mentioned that you are happy to not be acting like everyone else. That is great that you can see your pain transforming you into a better, more loving and less judge mental person. I know sometimes it’s hard to get out of your own mind but you could try out giving advice to other ex alcoholics or volunteering if only to keep your mind off of your thoughts for awhile.
Hi I know how you feel , it's my daughter who was making me feel like a hell, yes my own daughter !! I was married to get dad for 14 yrs a good marriage ,I thought, house ,kids,business ,until he cheated on me for the last time !! I didn't take him back this time ,was tough no lie ,but I believe my daughter still holds it against me ! We xant talk about what happened ,she always brings up nelgective stuff ,not remembering it wasn't me . I never left , her n her brother just was going through alot of stuff ,yes making mistakes to ,but doing my best at that time . Well I think she's understanding now ,lol i stay away when she's nelgective, it passes ! Also now she's having situations in her marriage n raisinin kids , also some anxiety n depression ,sad, but she's seeing n understanding how I was at that time . Seems ppl don't understand how you feel until sadly they feel it ! 
I also wanted to add ,you can get outside help with taking you to doc,food,and other needs . Like outside nurses who don't judges you ! Hope that helped !
I think we have all felt that way from time to time especially with anxiety, when im at the Dr or hospital I'm half embarrassed and half terrified, I'm embarrassed because part of me thinks I'm probably just having anxiety the other half of me thinks I'm dying so i don't always speak up for myself because i hate the looks i get when they come back and say we'll everything looks normal and look at me like i wasted their time, especially when they know ahead of time i have a history of anxiety i feel like they just write off my symptoms. But i do believe some of those feelings are just in my head and my anxiety and shame make things seem like I'm being treated worse than i really am. All you can do is love yourself and ignore negativity.
Please be kinder to yourself- sounds like you have come so far in your recovery. I hope you are in a recovery group or NAMI or the Recovery Learning- something like that.
I used to be in Washington but haven't since I moved to Las Vegas and now in utah. I just feel blessed to have conquered all my addictions. Alcohol, drugs and cigarettes! I appreciate your thoughts today. Your awesome!!😄 Just need to deal with losing family and just keep trucking forward☺
YOU are awesome my friend, remember you are not losing family- you are growing into a person you want to be. It sounds like your mom has some control issues, right? I know mine did, but I know that they were just humans. Look at all that you have conquered which has given you great strength- to keep on truckin- and look at that- you are even a CNA, and are going to be updating for Utah. No one is going to write on your brothers tombstone that he had a house , and a boat. People I think relate to others who care about them , and you've got that! Look how courageous you are to be coming to this site, and helping others here as well. You rock, lady!
I'm not at home and panicing what is going on there. Losing my mind. Thinking i will go back
Not "good enough"
Battling depression and suicidal thoughts 
Misscarrige not over 4 month on
