Confused Grieving of a Pet

[aWorriedOne]

My cat just died. Not even an hour ago. I came home from work, and she didn't greet me. I went into my room, no sight. I grab a pouch of lunch meat and open it (always works to get her attention instantly), no movement.

I found her under the bed, her back barely poking out and I picked her up. She was entirely limp. I couldn't see her breathing; I couldn't get her to rouse. I panicked, i woke my parents up, they came, and we cried for a few minutes but then she coughed. I started patting her side firmly and she coughed more. So we rushed her to the vet, it was 25 minutes away, but she died on the way while I held her. I felt her go.

I keep going from extreme pain to nothing. Back and forth, like i don't care and then suddenly I'm in tears. My brain is being terrible, antagonizing me with "well now you don't have vet bills" and "less responsibility" but I don't care about any of that. I'd rather have spent hundreds on bills and have to do some extreme routine of responsibility just to keep her here.

I feel alone, in a while new way. I've lost relatives, I have even lost a fiance. This pain i keep spontaneously having and losing is so intense. I raised her as a rescue from a litter of kittens on the street. I doted on her so much through her whole life because of her hip issues.

She was my emotional support animal. She got me through trauma, she knew the difference between my typical panic and a legit spiral. If I did, she would move hell or high water to get me to acknowledge her.

Now i deeply regret all the times i nudged her away. All of the times she wanted my attention, but I was 'too busy' playing video games or talking to friends. I regret not snuggling her more in the mornings and petting her more during her nightly biscuits. I regret not buying her chicken livers and steak more often.

I'm struggling right now. I wish I didn't feel so much at once, and then a switch flicks to nothing, and then it all returns again. Its making me feel nauseous. I have work tomorrow and I'm not sure if I'm even going to be able to sleep.

[litethatnevergoesout]

I’m sorry for your loss. I had a cat mysteriously die, we could see it coming over a few days, one morning we woke up and she was gone. I can’t imagine why, I think she ate a balloon. I don’t know. we all cried. especially my son, he was 5.

[aWorriedOne in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

The same thing with my cat. This morning she was lethargic and wasn't very responsive to her name. She had an appointment in 2 days for her monthly injection, so I figured I would bring it up then.

[litethatnevergoesout in reply to aWorriedOne]

it’s devastating. so traumatic. she quit cleaning herself and was secluding in the bathroom between the toilet and shower. we were taking her to the vet that day.

[aWorriedOne in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

I'm sorry you had to deal with this too.

[litethatnevergoesout in reply to aWorriedOne]

Yes thank you, I’m very sorry for your loss.

[hypercat54]

I am so sorry you have lost your beloved cat. I have always kept them and love them dearly. It never gets any easier either.

What you are suffering from at the moment is shock. This is entirely normal as it was so sudden. Your emotions are all over the place but they will settle down.

My sister had a wonderful dog and as she is disabled I walked her every day. I loved the very bones of her and she me.

At the age of 7 she suddenly dropped dead. No idea why as she was well loved and well looked after. I remember my sister and I just sitting there for hours staring at her in complete and utter shock. We couldn't work out what to do as our brains were frazzled.

I know now this was shock so can relate very much with your feelings. Just take it easy for a while and take care. xx

[litethatnevergoesout in reply to hypercat54]

omg

[hypercat54 in reply to litethatnevergoesout]

Yes. That was 4 and a half years ago and we are both still in shock. We still say what? Why? How?

I know everyone says their pet is the best but she really was. Full of life and love and the happiest dog who ever lived.

[LadyZen]

🫂 Be patient with yourself and give yourself time to grieve.

[Sillysausage234]

sounds like your cat passed peacefully….ide take comfort in that, best wishes and R.i.P. in kitty land kitty

[gajh]

So sorry for your loss.

[SayNOtoPanic]

aWorriedOne, this is so sad 😞 so sorry to hear this and you are going through this. So sorry you experienced that. Rest her soul. Hang in there. Fur babies are family and their loss is very traumatic. Take it easy on yourself. I’m sure she loved you very much and you made her feel special. Praying for you.

[Midori]

Our pets become like our children, loving, but exasperating in turn. it's sad to lose them.

Be aware that this time of year cats can easily pick up antifreeze poisoning from the ground, if they walk over an area where cars are parked and worked on, It's very toxic to cats.

[bethelbee]

I'm so sorry about the the loss of your cat.. It's always heartbreaking when they leave us. I lost my 18 year old precious girl in August due to cancer. She was the last of my three I had together and it was difficult coming home to no kitties. As I was with her during her final appointment I told her I would love her forever and after... They will always be in our hearts. A month later I adopted 2 very bonded sisters and even though I wasn't totally sure I was ready it really helped me. Take however long you need to grieve your precious fur baby. Perhaps another will find its way into your heart when you are ready.

[catsrock]

I'm so very sorry - that sounds gut wrenching. I'm very glad you were there to hold her and comfort her. That's so much better than her dying alone! Grief sucks. The best book I've read about it is, "It's ok that you're not ok," by Megan Devine. It helped me a lot.

[Medical61]

Loosing a friend and companion can be devastating, but time is a good healer. If it was a sudden death they are unlikely to have suffered which should bring you some comfort.