clearly uncertain

[heyitsjessie]

(this may be partially nsfw, i am not sure). ———————————

not sure how to explain all my thoughts and feelings into writing, but this will be my best effort. may add in more later. i have not been thinking or feeling well for awhile now. i feel like everything i do is just another motion, another day, another conversation, etc... everything is the same, and i don’t see a future where things get better. i just feel like a shell, it looks like there is something inside, as the exterior feels very decent, actually maybe even seems nice. but when you look inside, it is hollow. i know, logically, i will get better over time, but this period in my life is very inconvienient. it’s making me feel like i want to die and just stop existing. everything is bleak, and im irresponsible and stupid, making school more stressful than it needs to be. mother gets on my case everyday about something school related. it’s obviously my fault, and i feel remorse, but i just can’t fix it. i have no motivation to do anything anymore. i want to stay away from friends, I just want to sleep and paint, or do things with myself honestly. these negative thoughts and feelings are just filling up my mind space, and the shell is barely holding to it’s nice exterior. i have a psych and all, and i actually do communicate with my mother about these things, except the suicidal stuff is redacted. im just giving her more stress to the point where she has to take off of work. i should be motivated by the fact that im being a burden to people important to me, but nothing is working. i took three 10 mgs earlier, when the prescribed is 1, hoping but not really hoping something would happen. idk what i was or am expecting, but nothing is going on, and actually, i looked it up, and it says over 60 mg is dangerous in a day, so i’ll be fine. i just want everything to stop. i want to grow out of this phase, just let me restart, please. this is becoming too much already. if you actually read all of this, thank you for taking time out of your life for me lol.

[Agora1]

Hi Jessie, I did read each and every word of your post. We all care enough on

this site to reach out and take the time when one of us needs help. What kind

of medication did you take 3 of instead of 1 that's prescribed. Medication is

not always the answer especially in having no motivation to begin with. '

I agree in that going through a difficult time as you are makes you feel empty

inside. However, the answer is not in wanting to escape permanently. What

a waste of your life and talent in doing something like that.

The thing is Jessie is that you won't feel different unless you change the pattern

of your thoughts and actions. Doing the same negative things over and over each

day with no positive results are making you feel this emptiness inside.

This phase or what every you want to call it, will not last forever. If you give it

a chance, things change in our lives every day. We have to stay positive, open

minded and accept the fact that we were all put here for a reason. Yours hasn't

even been achieved yet. You are young and have a whole future ahead of you.

And so you take one step at a time, one day at a time. You have nobody to prove

your worth to except yourself.

I may have just met you, but I see a young person who I'm willing to support and

stand behind. I believe we all have what we need deep inside of us. It's a matter

of finding that strength and making a start. Make tomorrow Day 1 of a fresh start. xx