Log in
Anxiety and Depression Support
29,432 members29,976 posts

I’m turning into my mother

Ugh. My mother lived in the past and was bitter about everything. I catch myself thinking the same things like my mother did. I think about things that happened a year or two ago and it upsets me and then I start crying.

I don’t want to be sad about those things. I don’t want to live in the past because it’s not good for me. My mother couldn’t get past things and her life was miserable. I don’t want to end up that way.

25 Replies
oldestnewest

uuugggh...rough one.She probably put you on the same timeline, sometimes people do that,it's not because they want to,but because they don't know any better way so don't be frustrated on her,but change yourself to be better to you.

Do you find yourself doing things just to maintain some kind of image?usually that's the case of bitterness, doing things that you don't like, that you don't enjoy for the well being of others instead of yours.

A way to not live in the past is to take decisions that you enjoy, and to know, that even if you won't get the result you wanted you did everything you knew you could.

Also, try to inspect what really bothers you;Is it the final result or the things you did to reach the final result?

If it's the things you did to reach the final result that bother you, than that means you did not really liked doing them that way,or at all...You did them for others.

If it's the result, that's ok, it's not your fault, you already did all the things you knew to do to get there.

You have to let go of the past,remember it exists,accept your shortcomings,and from now on try to live like you matter, cause you do!

Hope this helps a little.

1 like
Reply

It does. Thank you. I do a lot of things for family members and I wonder why they’re so selfish. But I’ve lowered my expectations and expect nothing.

An example I dwell on — is about 8 years ago my daughter took me to the ER. I thought I was having a heart attack but I had severe anxiety. I was in the ER 16 hours for tests etc. My husband didn’t come to see me —he said he was busy at the house. He can be an idiot sometimes.

Reply

Oh honey....I remember the first time I heard that one....that as we grow older we turn into our parents. I saw my sister doing some of the things my mother did and called her on it.....she just about had a stroke.....as we both called my mother 'Mommy dearest', and no way were we going to turn into that nightmare. But it's inevitable we do mimic some thing's we have lived with all our lives....so my friend.... remember to re-focus on the fact that we cannot live in regrets as we cannot change what has already happened, and we have to forgive ourselves for feeling any guilt as it cannot change anything either...and snap out of it when we do start to drift into regrets. My mother was a Negative Nelly too about everything...'one step forward, ten steps back'. ...'why bother, no good will come from it', 'waiting for the other shoe to drop', 'glass half empty'.... Any of that sound familiar?....she always complained about Everything never being good enough....especially everything I did..... And she was a nightmare to go out to dinner with...sent everything back.

Dee...... I know you well enough to tell you that it's just stinkin thinkin my friend...and that you are one of the kindest and dearest giving people I know....I can honestly tell you...NO...you will not turn into your mother....your really nothing like her....so just catch yourself and change what you don't like woman.....your a good person. You are a better person, and in your heart you know that....so put the ghosts back in the closet where they belong and lock the door.

I luv ya pal.......

3 likes
Reply

I thought my mother was the only one who sent back food in restaurants!!! Funny how these negative people share so many traits. They are almost interchangeable.

2 likes
Reply

you too hugh?.... yeah.... it was like that with everything.... everywhere we went and everything we did had a major critique and onslaught of negativity.... it was exhausting.... From the minute I would see my mother it was a litany of talk about my weight, my hair, I should dress more nicely, (so she would look good of course with me in tow, when we went anywhere), and how I should be living my life, and all this critique, even though the fact was, I had my own home, 3 cars all new and newish, a complete workshop, and a successful business of which I paid all the bills for from what I earned myself. Both my brother and sister who were her favorites....married money...I made my own. But never ever got credit for it, ....

3 likes
Reply

I believe there is also a component of jealousy which these people share.

1 like
Reply

oddly that's true....when I hit puberty, I had a bod that was pretty nice, and my mother started wearing her hair like mine, dressing kind of like me, and it was just plain creepy. I played guitar in a folk group but she wouldn't let me practice, the noise bothered her. I painted oil paintings in the garage so there would be no smell in the house....she complained about that. and when I brought cloths home from ceramics ....it was another complaint....always throwing ice water on any little joy in my life and things I did that were good, and made me feel good.

1 like
Reply

Ok, your mom was creepy. Lol. I think mom’s can be jealous. I had a cute little figure and my mom was always chubby. So she would make snarky remarks. I look back at old photos of my mom and she was pretty. I know her mom was nasty to her.

Reply

Mom’s can be brutal. I try not to do that to my daughter. I try. 😁

1 like
Reply

That’s actually something I’ve only done a couple times. But when my sister said I look like mom, I almost fell off my chair.

2 likes
Reply

I have my mothers smile and it is creepy....I can't even look in the mirror and smile unless I'm looking to see if I got all the salad out of them......

1 like
Reply

Hahaha. We all have something of our mom’s. Except for salad. 😁

1 like
Reply

yeah...and I'm short like her too.....but we have a 6'4 1/2 so we don't need a ladder much here...haaaaa!!!

Reply

My mom was shorter than me at 5’4. I’m 5’8 but lost a half inch.

Reply

your tall like my sister, she always razzes me ....but I still am older sister...haaaa!

1 like
Reply

Thank you, you’re awesome!! I love you too!

Reply

we're warriors girl.... fighting the good fight and today I just ate a whole thing of Ben and Jerry's and I think I'm going to blow up.....I'm a little green around the gills but omg it was heaven...won't do it again for a month as my butt and gut are gonna pay the price for it....but it was worth it.... I've been painting a new group now, was doing the Klimt repros and now doing this cool Peruvian weaver guys stuff as paintings because they are so intricate with patterns and colors and incorporate a lot of symbolism culturally....very fun..... it's basically like painting a puzzle. And is great regressive therapy...like paint by numbers but looks better.

Will talk to you soon girlfriend....take care of you kiddo....

1 like
Reply

Ben and Jerry’s sounds good right about now. Thank you. Hang in there. Xoxoxo

Reply

that would be a good post...what's your favorite Ben and Jerry's...haaaa!!!

Reply

I love Cherry Garcia. How about you?

Reply

New York super fudge chunk is my secret passion....but my partner knows to leave us alone, as it's only the occasional affair....haaaa!!!

1 like
Reply

That’s so funny cuz I always say “I’m having an affair with Cherry Garcia!” Lol

Great minds think alike. 😁😁😁❤️

Reply

I won't tell if you won't...haaaaa!!!

1 like
Reply

Our secret! Lol

Reply

sista's doin it for themselves!!!.....

1 like
Reply

You may also like...