Struggled with SI like less than 20 minutes ago.

[imasleep123]

I don’t want to be on this forum right now. Honestly I don’t really want to talk to anybody right now. I don’t want to talk to my boyfriend. I don’t want to talk to my family. I don’t want to call the crisis line and talk about all my bs all over again and again and again for the millionth f—-ing time. But I have to f——Ing try. Even if I’m angry I still f—ing feel like I have to f—-ing try, it’s f——ing annoying. So here I am, sorry this has to be the place where I let out my anger. I was feeling extremely angry, agitated and irritable. Ive been so all day and the day just kept getting worse and worse the whole day, one f—ck up after another it’s like all day that’s all that anyone talked about all day, was all my mistakes, and they’re huge and how they need to be addressed absolutely because they’re not going to go away otherwise. I HAD a very intense suicide ideation moment, but it passed, but I’m still highly irritable, etc. and I hate feeling like this... it’s always like i have to choose for my mental health or my life, I chose for my life this time and my mental health got wrecked because of it... and next I’m going to pick my mental health and watch my life get wrecked because of it... when tf is it going to end.... I’m sick of all this bs so sick of it... it’s so stupid. Seriously sorry for anyone who had to subject their eyes to this. It makes

Me want to throw up.

[Dolphin14]

It's a sh** illness. I agree. It's hard to have a life and deal with it when it's at its peak.

Sounds like it's time for some help. When we reach this point it's like a " start over" in some ways. " Back to the drawing board "

But, in between downfalls we are learning more about ourselves so hopefully we don't fall as hard

You need some help and you have to get it. You reached out here which is great. What else have you done?

[imasleep123 in reply to Dolphin14]

Right now? Taking my anti anxiety meds to hopefully calm down and go to sleep. 🤷🏽‍♀️

[Dolphin14 in reply to imasleep123]

Ok that's good.

I guess I meant have you contacted a health care professional etc?

[imasleep123 in reply to Dolphin14]

Yeah I’ve been in treatment for a few months. Psychiatrist, therapist, pcp, social worker, etc.

[Dolphin14 in reply to imasleep123]

That's great

I wish you well.

[imasleep123 in reply to Dolphin14]

Thank you for all of your support! 😊